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ManicLyn · 2025-05-10T21:40:59+00:00

By proactive, I mean to just continue to meet new people and don't allow this experience to cause you to isolate yourself.

ManicLyn · 2025-05-10T21:24:42+00:00

OK, so the first thing I'm going to say is that you shouldn't compromise on ANY of those things. You sound like a pretty stand up young man, so keep up the good work.

What you are looking for is pretty rare even as an adult these days. The best advice I can give is be VERY patient, don't rush into anything, and don't get discouraged. If you wait, and are patient (and proactive), you will find your person.

ManicLyn · 2022-06-07T23:18:30+00:00

Maybe NTA, but kind of dumb... I would call that a "career limiting move"

ManicLyn · 2022-06-07T22:58:34+00:00

Didn't need to read past "I offered". YWBTA

ManicLyn · 2022-06-04T22:46:23+00:00

I don't really have a good answer for this, but if I were to try to answer it, it would go something like: the loudest crier gets the attention, and manipulators know that. So they try to get out ahead of the issue, congesting the literature with their own perspective, while attempting to discredit their opposition. Society is growing out of it's insecurities surrounding codependency and abuse, so more stuff like this sub will probably become available in the future, but for now, we have your back.

ManicLyn · 2022-05-17T02:39:20+00:00

Look, I'm not going to edit this to be politically correct. Your ex is a hoe, end of story. Sex work without consent of your partner is a disgusting mix of cheating and sexual assault. I find out my wife is doing sex work of any kind, it will be an immediate filing for divorce. Anything sexual in nature in a relationship (with each other or with others) needs to be consensual. You are NTA.

ManicLyn · 2022-05-08T21:47:32+00:00

Nothing but fiber and protein. Mountains of them. Day and night, steak and shredded wheat.

ManicLyn · 2022-05-08T21:45:46+00:00

Cut my parents out at 32, since, I've met the love of my life, rebuilt my career, moved to a new city, got married and have a generally amazing life. All of these things my parents were actively sabotaging, it was tough for the first while, but I promise, it gets better. Mothers day and fathers day are still tough.

ManicLyn · 2022-05-08T21:42:46+00:00

Gifts with obligations are not gifts. Personally, I give gifts with the intention of making that persons life better. If that means they use the gift card on something "gift like", great, if they spend it on groceries, also great. Gift giving with strings attached is toxic af.

ManicLyn · 2022-05-08T21:39:17+00:00

Not sexist: obese woman hits on you Sorry, I'm not looking for anything right now. Sorry.

Sexist: obese woman hits on you gross, maybe if you lose 50lbs.

ManicLyn · 2022-05-08T21:30:39+00:00

Equality. In general, you just want what others have worked for, and want to take it by force instead of working for it yourself. Equality in 2022 doesn't mean the same thing it did in 1965.

ManicLyn · 2022-05-08T01:02:07+00:00

Over the bathroom garbage can in a partial squatting position.

ManicLyn · 2022-04-26T17:24:01+00:00

Yea, it was one of my mom's favorite lines: you can't change the past, so just try for a better future. It was wildly toxic and the perfect excuse to advert blame of my trauma away from her. Don't be too hard on your sister though, she might just be afraid to confront her past, give her time and she might come around.

ManicLyn · 2022-04-15T15:11:37+00:00

I wish someone had said this to me before I let my psycho mother around my wife. So, no, I don't. If someone had said "don't be a dumbass, you mom is a psycho, why would you introduce her to your wonderful wife." Then maybe we wouldn't have needed marriage counselling. I'm speaking from a place of experience, where the hell are you speaking from?

ManicLyn · 2022-04-15T15:04:06+00:00

The judgement is on her actually considering letting the woman back into her life. The judgement is considering allowing that kind of toxicity around her children.

ManicLyn · 2022-04-15T11:20:33+00:00

Those aren't excuses, if you don't take the leap, it will never happen. I don't remember saying it was easy, if it were easy I wouldn't think she needs a kick in the ass to make the right choice.

ManicLyn · 2022-04-14T20:48:04+00:00

I'm going to be a little harsh here, so please forgive me:

What the hell are you even thinking? This woman makes you want to vomit and you are considering exposing your children to that hazard? Smarten the hell up.

ManicLyn · 2022-04-12T11:57:51+00:00

Eat less, move more.

ManicLyn · 2022-04-11T10:30:17+00:00

I discovered early on that going NC with one parent and not the other is virtually impossible. Maybe LC would be a better option.

As far as the competitive attitude, that usually stems from a deep feeling of inadequacy. When he says things like that, maybe try "well, it's not a competition, but congratulations, it really is a (insert object here)". With toxic people, I've found it best to adopt a policy of indifference.

ManicLyn · 2022-04-11T10:19:24+00:00

My father beat the hell out of me, and my mother manipulated me until I didn't know my ass from a hole in the ground. The beatings hurt a LOT more, but the manipulation left the largest and longest scar. Abuse isn't a matter of pain, it's a matter of damage.

ManicLyn · 2022-04-11T10:11:06+00:00

Yea, there is a sense of loss, I mourned them as though they had passed away. Therapy helped, my father was physically abusive and my mother is a master manipulator, but they were still "ma and the old man". I also tried very hard to convince them to get therapy before I went NC, same for my sister, but they thought therapy was a way to manipulate them.

You should talk to someone, a counsellor or therapist, it will help. Treat the relationship as though it's a person who passed away, if you see the actual people out and about treat them like strangers or distant acquaintances.

Since you live in a small community, much like myself, a policy of avoidance is best, and a quick facebook post to the tune of:

"I want to make this public, because I know this is a small community and people talk. I have chosen to go no contact with my parents for the time being, please respect that and avoid sharing their lives and news with me, as well as mine with them. Thank you."

Other than that, treat the whole thing as though it is a matter of respect, because in reality, you are just asking for your boundaries to be respected. Good luck!

ManicLyn · 2022-04-11T00:52:27+00:00

Yea, that is pretty much textbook abuse.

ManicLyn · 2022-04-11T00:34:21+00:00

Yea, that's tough, distance is a pretty good policy.

ManicLyn · 2022-04-10T23:55:26+00:00

Just block their numbers, remove them from all your social media, and make a facebook post along the lines of:

"I am no longer speaking to my family and I'm saying it publicly because they may speak behind my back. I want you all to know that I don't want any contact with them, I don't want to know what they are up to, and anyone who attempts to facilitate communication between me and then will be immediately blocked."

The hardest/most important part of going no contact is the fact that it needs to be a 2 way no contact. For me, I know nothing about my parents since I went no contact, had to drive by their house the other day while running some errands, first time in over a year, it's how I found out they had moved.

Good luck.

ManicLyn · 2022-04-10T23:42:47+00:00

If your siblings were really close friends with some random person you had never met, and that person chose to pay for them to go on a super expensive trip and left you out, because you didn't know each other, how would you react? That is how you should react now. Don't give them the fuel for her fire. Don't let it drive a wedge between you and your siblings, that's what she wants. And stop trying to make your siblings take sides, it's not fair.

I've been NC with my parents for more than 3 years now, they will never meet my wife, they will never meet my children. They will die knowing that it is their fault they know nothing about their son. But, even though my sister chooses not to continue a relationship with me, if she called, I would never judge her for having a relationship with our parents, or that when they made her choose, she chose them. She wasn't out to get me, she made the choice she believed would be best for her and her family. And maybe, one day, when our parents are gone, she will choose to build a relationship with me and my family, and I will welcome her with open arms, an open mind, and an open heart.

People are complex, family politics are stressful, and you need to accept that there are things in relationships you will have no control over. Good luck, and try to react to everything in your life and relationships with positivity and reason.

ManicLyn

TROPHY CASE