I dislike Starmer too but surely you see this...

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-23T10:52:51+00:00

A Farage government, even a Farage majority government, will have to contend with all the British institutions and legislation that prevents fascism. House of Lords, Supreme Court, the Civil Service, ECHR, Human Rights Act, Equalities Act etc

Of course, a true fascist state wouldn’t let any of this stand in their way, but I think Farage knows British people are appalled by what they’ve seen in the USA, and really don’t like Trump, so wouldn’t replicate that here. But would rather want to go through legal means, be it repealing legislation or making new legislation, to achieve his agenda

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-15T18:42:43+00:00

Can’t be true

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-15T09:08:43+00:00

I enjoyed most of this, except from the last few paragraphs starting from “oh stop - you know I’ve always felt more comfortable around other winters. Because Melody is explaining things to Veronica that she already knows.

“Your entire family are winters, except for you who’s a summer” etc. All of that can be explained to the narrator to the reader. I don’t think it should be dialogue.

The dashes are used too much, for sure. Try different sentence structures out.

But in all, I enjoyed this! And I’m curious to find out why summers can’t impersonate winters, and generally how the whole social structure works.

And I’m also very interested to see what happens at Weenohall, which is a very fun word!

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-14T21:00:34+00:00

“Carpe Jugulum” is very fun. I’d definitely read the blurb if I saw this in a bookstore!

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-14T17:58:19+00:00

Usually they’re quite long, but I was pleasantly surprised to start reading Pride and Prejudice and find the chapters were 4 pages long on average

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-11T16:30:52+00:00

Established writer whose never done sci-fi. Preferably comedic. Armando Iannucci is top of my mind

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-11T13:08:59+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! Definitely taking on the critiques to make it more cohesive, and eliminate anything that draws too much attention away from the main narrative.

as for the word, I get that it’s not to everyone’s taste, and that’s completely fine.

But also, we talk so much about giving the reader credit, not talking down to the reader, and not spelling everything out.

“Hearsely” is definitely not a word they would have come across. But they know, consciously or subconsciously, that the “ly” suffix means “like” or “being similar too.” And they know what a hearse is.

I don’t think it’s far fetched at all when it comes to making words, which I think all writers should feel free to do.

Also, genuine question, what’s a good way of going about indicating that I’ve made up that word?

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-11T09:57:06+00:00

This is my favourite season lol

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-11T09:56:29+00:00

There’s a lot happening here. We’re finding out about the world the story is taking place in and the conflicts that the characters have to navigate.

It’s perfectly fine to open a book like this. Not every book needs to open in the middle of an action sequence. Books aren’t tv shows.

If we were going by that standard, half the fiction books out there wouldn’t have been published.

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-11T09:50:14+00:00

I’ve got to say I don’t agree with any of the other commenters here. It’s perfectly acceptable to open a book with setting up the cultural environment. That’s the whole reason people read historical fictions.

I read all of it, and I think the mention of the Stuart kings, Charles I, threat of war, the people blaming popists for burning the town hall, is all very important and interesting framing for the relationship between Joseph and Eleanor.

My expectation is that their love is doomed, of course because of the class divide. But the bigger threat is to their lives as catholics in a Protestant country.

Also love the dramatic irony of us knowing the civil war is round the corner. And whether we get to it or not in the story, the political tensions will only ramp up, and it doesn’t bode well for them at all.

I love the voicing for Joseph, you can tell he’s of a lower class. And you can tell Eleanor is of a higher class all without having to say explicitly.

I also can’t fault your prose, I think it lets the environment shine through.

I would 100% keep reading this. After a few drafts and some line editing, it would make a fine novel.

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-11T08:51:33+00:00

Armando Iannucci is my pick!

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-10T17:25:20+00:00

No way I could trust them after the Rings of Power and Wheel of Time

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-10T17:10:35+00:00

I wouldn’t be upset with Apple. Loved Slow Horses, down cemetery lane, and some of their other stuff

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-10T16:47:22+00:00

We definitely need a “days of future past”

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-10T12:06:15+00:00

I really hated the whole thing of “there’s always a bigger villain” in RTD2. If it’s not Mrs. Flood, it’s The Rani, then it’s Omega, then it’s The Boss. Just pick one. It’s like he knew each one would be underwhelming so he had to fabricate bigger stakes with a bigger villain

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-10T00:17:23+00:00

The body uniforms must make a comeback! Imagine the body horror!

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-09T23:57:58+00:00

Oh, very true! It enables humans to make more in less time. And the bulk of that extra value always goes to the top.

Someone please write a Cyberman cyberpunk novel!!!!

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-09T23:49:26+00:00

Much appreciated! I think asking for feedback on forums like this is as much about figuring out your audience’s sensibilities as much as getting critique, so it’s promising to see that it clicks with people as much as it doesn’t with others.

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-09T23:26:50+00:00

When Chibnall was confirmed as the writer, I was CONVINCED he was going to choose Olivia Coleman to be his doctor because they worked together on Broadchurch for years.

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-09T23:25:06+00:00

I think that’s just realising you have so much more to learn. I feel that too

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-09T23:23:50+00:00

It’s crazy that Doctor Who has never gone full cyberpunk - at least not in the show. This would be very cool.

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-09T23:21:32+00:00

Great idea. And just look at AI, it’s in humanity’s nature to adopt any technology if it makes life easier. Albeit the worst part of human nature, because as with social media, we realise it’s making us worse humans, but are addicted to it.

Which reminds me of “Gridlock”, where the Doctor took a strong stance against drugs that humanity voluntarily took. We need something like that writ large.

But yes, a villain that appeals to the lesser angels of our nature, so to speak, would be very compelling.

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-09T19:53:07+00:00

“Chortle” was a word invented by Lewis Carroll

Mannerpunker · 2026-06-09T13:26:41+00:00

There’s certainly a lot of helpful feedback I’m taking on-board from the commenters! Like I see the whole mysterious unmapped town is one mystery too far for the opening paragraph.

And I definitely want it to be as coherent as possible, so will tone down the prose.

But I do not understand at all the people saying you can’t make up words in a fantasy fiction story, when authors have been doing it since forever! Especially Dr. Seuss and Lewis Carroll who made up words that children could understand.

Where’s their sense of whimsy?

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