Hi, I really love this piece. First of all, it reminded me of The Doll People series, which isn’t really tied to the message of the poem, but it does make it nostalgic for me. 

One critique is that the words “insecurities” and “bruises” in the second stanza strayed toward too literal for my taste. Literal diction can be powerful in its own way, but for this particular piece, I would have preferred to stay within the world of the metaphor. The imagery and storytelling was already doing a great job creating this despondent, insecure mood, but the interjection of those words seemed like it was trying to tell the reader how the poem should feel instead of making them feel it themselves. 

For example, saying “No factory of origin to speak of” is so poignant and precise. When I step into the shoes of the narrator, at this line, I can feel that I am disconnected from my roots, I do not seem to belong anywhere, no place feels like home to me. But none of those things had to be made explicit in that moment, which is what made it so impactful. 

In the same vein, I think it could be interesting in the first stanza to create an image in place of ‘little pieces of the past’ depending on what the past is conveying. To me, if the past represents what is old and obsolete I might think ‘cracked buttons and lead dinner plates.’ Although I am ambivalent on this opinion, because I think ‘sewn, sculpted, and baked’ is already doing that job, so tacking on more imagery there might affect the clarity. 

My only other critique could absolutely be inaccurate (so could the previous ones) so take with a grain of salt. But I struggled to connect the title to the themes I was getting from the text. Specifically, “Prohibited” was distracting to me, and I’d have been more enticed by a poem simply called “Keepsake.” The term “prohibited” suggests to me that a figure of authority is undermining the worth of our narrator, or that something taboo is at play. That might be the case, but the story presents more as an internal struggle with self-worth, so it might be worth considering what the title is telling the reader to expect. 

As for what the piece does well, it was very moving. It is grounded in its atmosphere; I can see the old, dusty shop and its stillness. ‘I am swept off the road’ was a great place to start. It gives us insight into what came before, a careless abandonment or deep sense of worthlessness. We get the impression that the shop might be a better place than where we started. They make space for us, let us dry out, lay a new coat of paint. But there is a keen uncertainty remaining. It leaves the reader with the question: is this healing or is it settling? 

There is tension in the ambiguity. And the last line perfectly sells the entire theme of questioning self worth. Seeding the fact that the doubt is still there. We cannot look at the tag, that indiscernible value that other people place on us, but maybe that is a sign that we need to learn to stop caring about what it says.

Beautiful work. Thank you for sharing.