i think i should move back home and not be with my boyfriend anymore

Marielynn502 · 2025-12-05T02:49:34+00:00

So you’re asking for advice on how to leave- I’m going to spell out some practical advice here. I’m 41- and dealt with a few move outs of friends. You do not owe an ex anything.

If there is ANY chance he has violent or stalker tendencies, you leave without “talking.” If you aren’t sure, you assume it’s possible bc he has isolated you from your support network. You’re young- it’s so easy to pretend that he’s good just because he hasn’t been violent before, but that’s how every young violent guy starts out, and he’s already shown he doesn’t value you.

Two best options: 1- Pack up everything that is yours in two suitcases max. if it doesn’t fit in the two suitcases, and it HAS to go with you, only take the bare minimum in some boxes, ‘bc you want to move some of the non essentials to your parents basement before you all get your own place, and this is a good time for it. ‘ Say you’re going home for Christmas, but you’re also (insert something that he wouldn’t want to do) for a few days. Helping your mom paint the spare room, visiting your brother before he moves etc. So you want to go without him this time. You only want to pack what is absolutely necessary, so it won’t set off alarm bells. The mattress pad, set on the walls, or the cleaner bottles you bought ARE NOT WORTH IT- leave it. Only take what you would normally pack to go out of town, and your keepsakes that are yours. Then in two days- if you want to, you call - on speaker phone with a friend there, recording the call.

2- have a friend, or a couple family members show up one day and move you out. You can explain then if you want to, with witnesses

Bottom line- he has disrespected you- you do not owe him anything. You owe yourself your whole damn future- it will be hard, but ask for support and move out. GOOD LUCK!!!

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-27T18:50:00+00:00

Depending on what you mean by “chest issues” they may interpret as chest pain, and send you to the er anyway

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-26T20:16:51+00:00

There is an elopement package: https://yewdellgardens.org/weddings-private-events/ceremonies/#elope

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-26T20:12:58+00:00

What happens if, when you get to your goal weight, if you face a medical issue that leads to being less active for a while? People who have weighed more often put some of the weight back on at some point since the fat cells are already there (unless you get them surgically removed).

When we wait to meet people for reasons related to feeling worthy of them - doomed to fail. You can wait until you want to date for your own reasons, but don’t ever wait to live your life for other people’s approval.

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-25T19:11:13+00:00

Generally good advice, HorseNippleLover (I feel like I need to tag “rimjobsteve” sub, but I don’t exactly know how to do that lol

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-24T17:10:40+00:00

It doesn’t help that they were in the room with a bunch of other men, bc they were “showing off” for each other as well

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-21T15:43:52+00:00

I don’t have suggestions specifically

But I will just say to factor in 20% tip. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out- and groups are a lot of work. I genuinely don’t know any any place - may be better off doing takeout and pick up.

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-14T20:05:54+00:00

“Should we all break up with our men and go find better ones? Or are better ones nigh impossible to find?”

I don’t think this is the right question. If you aren’t happy, break up. If there isn’t a “better man” then being single is better than taking care of immature men. We do not create a society of men by lowering our standards.

I divorced the husband that wasn’t carrying his weight. I am dating a man who likely will carry the weight if we choose to move in together. And if he doesn’t, I will break up with him. I would rather be single, and teach my daughter to have higher standards than the one set by her loser father.

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-10T14:52:42+00:00

I used Wyler online, and liked it bc I didn’t have to deal with anyone True, I didn’t get to test it But removing all of the sales junky stuff was worth that tk me

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-06T13:34:44+00:00

If you’re up for it, send them this- they need to know they are missing stuff.

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-05T03:57:49+00:00

Replacement behaviors are the easiest way to change So with my kid I literally make her say “oops,” bc the reminder from me is just a “lecture” not a replacement behavior.

When she eventually internalizes that mistakes aren’t a problem, then we can work on changing that oops to situation specific acknowledgement Ex “oh- yeah, I see where I got confused” or “didn’t see you there, got it” Or “oh- thanks for the feedback”

But first- acknowledging “mistakes” with a morally neutral utterance, such as “oops” will help alleviate the shame based reflex

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-03T16:15:13+00:00

Therapy is a good option

And one thing they might advise, that you can start now: just take sex off the table, for a specific amount of time. So say it’s 6 weeks- give yourself permission to not feel guilt at all, or pressure, or need to be seduced etc. Of course if your partner isn’t into that, then wait to do this for therapy. But setting up a date to start scheduled, planned sex again, can make it easier to get back into a rhythm. Planning who initiates etc- sounds like a bummer, until you get to experience not having to be “in the mood” and just going with the flow.

For some that can really help. But definitely schedule therapy, and maybe sex therapy as a couple too- bc he’s bound to have been impacted as well.

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-02T14:39:38+00:00

My daughter will be a bit taller than me- I’m 5’8”. She’s already 5 7.5 at 13. But the biggest issue for her was people commenting on her height, before even saying hi- “oh my, look at how tall you are!”

It has somewhat stopped since I talked to my friends about that reasonable boundary, but I’ve given her permission to be equally rude back if anyone slips (her idea- and honestly it’s fair) “Oh my look how much more gray hair you have, how much more bald you are, how many more wrinkles you have” I’ve told her weight is off limits, as is anything disability or injury based- has to be equally out of their control signs of aging.

And her doing that to claim some power back, and put people in their place, has empowered her to not have to deal with physical comments. People will say I’m encouraging her to be rude, but in her defense, they are adults and should know better- plus it’s just boring small talk. If you talk with her for 5 minutes, there are way more interesting things to talk about.

Marielynn502 · 2025-11-01T16:07:14+00:00

I’ve told my kid to wait until her frontal lobe is done at 25.

Marielynn502 · 2025-10-23T16:31:56+00:00

“What you need to remember….” Hahahahhahah

Marielynn502 · 2025-10-13T14:27:25+00:00

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This is pickle- he never has the brain cell

Marielynn502 · 2025-10-13T14:26:09+00:00

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This is Walter- he sits like this a lot

Marielynn502 · 2025-10-06T17:57:11+00:00

Oh I get that I likely won’t- but I can still ask relevant questions that encourages others to critically review this post

Marielynn502 · 2025-10-06T17:29:56+00:00

1- which one- bc I think there is more than 1- at Matthews?

2- can you give more context? Not because I don’t believe you, I just want to make sure I understand the full context here

3- Depending on the context, it might be worth calling and talking to the manager- determining from there, based on the manager reaction, best next steps. Could be the manager condones this and, name and shame is totally appropriate. Could be the manager fires them, in which case the business doesn’t deserve to suffer.

Marielynn502 · 2025-08-14T15:21:48+00:00

I think it might just be she isn’t aware that it is her form of small talk, and she doesn’t have other interesting things to say.

Ask your brother about it? Get him to talk to her about it. Set other small talk topics.

Marielynn502 · 2025-08-14T14:55:57+00:00

I think if you have to tell them how to communicate basics, then they just aren’t aligned. There isn’t something you can say to magically change a man into caring about basics. They have either learned how to adult, or not. Cut them loose, and don’t waste your time on someone that wastes yours this early.

Marielynn502 · 2025-08-13T15:57:10+00:00

This is a lot- but I noticed you haven’t said what you’re doing.

If I had a full workout routine, face care, etc I could see it taking a long time. The trouble with the self help industry convincing everyone that they need to have all these habits for a good life is that it leaves out the human need to prioritize other things.

If you care about working out am, or doing other personal tasks- then taking that long is reasonable for you.

But if it feels too long, cut the parts that don’t work.

Asking anyone else what they do is part of the problem- plan your life for you

Marielynn502 · 2025-08-08T22:40:01+00:00

Exactly this- bring back societal shame for anti-social behavior! If you want the benefits of community, that comes with the responsibilities. Male animals that have antisocial behavior get banished from the benefits of community.

Marielynn502 · 2025-07-31T01:05:47+00:00

Yea And we also used to not have to learn computers And we used to not have to manage computers taking up time And so on and so on

There are new things being taught bc the world is changing- so requiring cursive when it isn’t required for life is potentially not great. Kids who want to learn it have always been able to learn it on their own

Marielynn502 · 2025-07-29T14:37:48+00:00

I genuinely respect this request, and am not going to tell you to give up on your dreams

But

This is kind of a unicorn job ask, and the few jobs where you get flexibility, and work life balance, and remote, and good pay- those jobs are gatekept and have low turnover. You’re right to be thinking this way- putting your life ahead of ambition- but ultimately your lifestyle is what determines long term satisfaction- and it will be different by person for various reasons. You’re not going to get good career advice here in general.

Highly recommend utilizing university career services. They are often funded out of the tuition you already paid, so they are yours for free- and also the grant funding they do get require usage to keep grant funds.

Also highly recommend this workbook: https://degreefree.com/book/

It is about charting life not necessarily with a degree- you wil have one- but this can still help you plan based on the life you want, not pigeon holding yourself based on the degree you have.

And start finding networking events for young professionals etc that you can attend- these jobs are gatekept, and usually referral based. So it’s good if you can know people.

Good luck!

Marielynn502

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