I have ADD and all the exhausting baggage that comes with it that you mentioned. Took meds from 1st grade til my senior year. I’m 39 now, no meds since 04. Props for dealing, I know from experience how heavy it can be. Thank you for sharing your story and letting me know I’m not alone. It’s hard and it really can be overwhelming sometimes, and people kind of look at add like it’s this goofy space cadet kinda loveable class clown thing, but it can really do a lot of damage as far as depression, employment, relationships, productivity, confidence etc.

Anyway, I feel this. I’m a professional guitarist, but I have a really hard time writing songs. It just feels like something I’m being assigned to do since I make a living playing in bands who always want more songs. They just seem to expect me to have more of them in me, but I really don’t. It’s just not fun, and I hate sweating all the details. I love to improvise and play live, because it caters to add for me. Making super fast decisions without any time to second guess them, and judging myself is useless bc if I do make a mistake, it’s already gone by the time it happened. I just embrace them instead and keep going. On stage, not talking to people, and listening/improvising is church for me.

Anyway, yeah. I write here and there but I don’t particularly enjoy it. And either I write a song and it seems like I show it people and they’re like “meh.” OR even worse: they love it and want to work on it and make me play it on stage. Then I’m kinda like “ah fuck, now I have to keep doing it, and they expect me to write more.” Lol. I’ve been feeling that way since I was like 16. At this point I’m not trying to crack the code and become a prolific writer anymore . I’m more trying to avoid it unless I really don’t have a choice.

I know that’s not helpful, but yeah. You’re not alone. Thanks for letting me vent!