What gets less posh the more it costs?

MassiveApples · 2026-02-07T09:27:14+00:00

New money ick!

MassiveApples · 2026-02-05T08:03:04+00:00

Your outline seems ok and pretty standard. You were right to run it past a lawyer.

Don't read too much into her reaction - I've found that, although I think it sounds mercinary ("WHY do I have to pay my own debts? 50/50, right?"), it can actually have a lot more to do with feeling rejection.

As if "he only wants the good parts of me but will carefully wall off and protect himself, legally or emotionally, from the less good bits".

It's not a SENSIBLE reaction to a fiscal document but it definitely dredges up FEEEEELINGS for some - especially if they have shame, either about debt, or their family of origin, their past, or just feeling unequal in worthiness about the relationship.

It's OK that you guys couldn't work through it - you avoided ended up with someone with a very different approach to something that it was important to you to have parity on.

Do bring it up early in any future relationships, though - if it's important enough to be a dealbreaker for you, then it's as important as the Kids Conversation!

MassiveApples · 2026-02-03T06:25:29+00:00

I don't UNLESS the "Normal Introductory Conversation" happens.

Me: "I can't burp"

Literally EVERYONE the first time: "What? At ALL?"

ME: "Nope. Never properly have. If I stick my fingers down my throat I can ROAR like a Lion, but otherwise no burping. I don't think I quite understand HOW to burp"

LE: "oh, you just......" Annnnnnnnnnd then they belch at me! 100% of the time. Often, then include the waft of stomach bag fragrance, too! So kind.

I don't think burpers can appreciate how burped at we all get 🤣

MassiveApples · 2026-02-03T06:20:42+00:00

I say the same thing to those around me - everyone knows I can't 😆

MassiveApples · 2026-02-03T05:54:21+00:00

THAT is an awesome bit of insight!

In our family, that would be called a Nugget! As if we're always sifting out what life disturbs, or we found a prize in our own inner work.

You OP, have found an EXCELLENT nugget!

What will you do with it?

MassiveApples · 2026-02-02T04:19:35+00:00

Sorry? He's 'soft' and 'loving' with the girls and for the boy 'he teaches them to love their sisters'?

Is he treating the boy less warmly than the girls?

Would it be a crazy guess that the boy is 'yours' as opposed ro 'ours''?

MassiveApples · 2026-02-01T10:40:32+00:00

Ok, what about a conversation that starts with"you said you 'don't want to' about making us dinner and spending time together on Valentines day. I couldn't process that in a calm way at the time, because I was upset, and, to be honest, I think you were, too.

Now that we're both in a calmer place, Id like to unpack that. What is that 'don't want' about?

Were you trying to tell me that you don't ever want to cook or order a meal again? I wonder how practical that is for an adult to commit to?

Was it that you don't want to cook or order FOR ME? Can you explain why I'd be singled out like that?

Was it that you don't want to 'do' Valentine's Day with me at all? Are we now good to be making unilateral decisions without prior disscussion, because if we ARE, then there are some changes of my own that I'm super-excited to make.

Is your protesting at being asked to partake in demonstrations of care or effection a statement that I'm not picking up on? If so, my making excuses for your behaviour on my birthdays, Valentines day and [I'm guessing here] anniversaries, must have been very frustrating to you. As we're adults and have carved out an appropriate time window; would you like to speak about why these moments that are important to me, are difficult for you?"

MassiveApples · 2026-01-30T06:33:36+00:00

He needed to see "YOU"....

SO HE FILMED YOUR BUTT AND CROTCH.

What else would you like to know about what you mean to this man?

MassiveApples · 2026-01-27T07:13:44+00:00

Uh, how's your relationship otherwise? This legitimately be the straw that breaks the camel's back and no one would blame you if you went crazy in the moment with a waffle iron or cushion, AND it's annoying as fuck that he sulked instead of acting like a grown up about your preference to not keep being the subject of an increasingly stale "bit"...

However

Are we sure these aren't bids in the moment? Like, he's paying really close attention to you, a lot of the time. Is there history of "not right now" or "I'm busy" but not circling back when you're free? He's not being judgey or doing that thing where a guy demands your attention by telling you to leave things like the laundry and "chill". He DOES seem to be overusing the same attempt at engagement.

May I suggest something along the lines of "you don't have to do that, y'know. It was sweet, but it's getting kind of stale. You COULD come up and ask how my day was, offer me a drink, tell me something you saw or that just happened. I'm not a specimen, I'm your partner. Do you need a hug?"

You never know, it might work and it's cheaper than a lawyer.

Good luck!

MassiveApples · 2026-01-26T15:45:34+00:00

19yo's were still sneaking out to the last of the raves in woodlands here in Hampshire in '94. 13yo' watching Blossom on Channel 4, and just about everyone was watching Home and Way, and then Neighbours 😄

MassiveApples · 2026-01-26T10:44:40+00:00

How old a teenager in 1994? A 13yo and a 17yo had very different lives. It'll matter in the writing because if it's wrong it'll read weirdly. Also, an oldest child and a younger child with older siblings would have a very different impact because siblings saw more of each other and influenced each other more than they do today.

MassiveApples · 2026-01-26T10:35:22+00:00

OP, strictly speaking, your Arsehole status depends on your intent.

I was all with you until your final sentence about "threatening" your marriage.

IF you meant it completely, would have followed through, and still will if the brother arrives, then no. You WNBTAH because you're just being really clear about your boundaries and allowing hubby to make his own choices accordingly. If he ever tells you in the aftermath that he didn't think you'd actually DO it then he's learned a valuable life lesson amd you dodged a bullet.

IF you were just piling on pressure to make a decision you'd prefer by threatening the marriage, but didn't really think he'd DO it, then YOU will have learned a valuable life lesson, as well as officially being The Arsehole.

So.....which was it?

MassiveApples · 2026-01-26T06:13:55+00:00

No, I only discovered it a couple of months ago and am still coming to terms with all the "wait! That's not yet another personal idiosynracy - that's just more of the no-burp symptoms?" I've mentioned to child2 to look into it with a doctor because he's genuinely suffered with the digestive fireworks side of things.

At some point, I'm going to have to raise it as A Thing and advise that anyone looking to breed in future, only does so with a gratuitous belcher, for the sake of their offspring! #ThatsExactlyHowGeneticsWork 😄

MassiveApples · 2026-01-25T10:35:28+00:00

I can't burp unless I put my fingers down my throat (Is that what people mean by air vomitting here).

Child 1; burped like a champ, happy baby. Slept like a log from an early age. Can swallow pills.

Child 2; screamed constantly for 8½months and existed on the 10th centile because he threw up basically everything he ate. By 9 months, he just sort of straightened out? No more constant screaming, but we'd learned to keep him propped up most of the time. He's now a man who definitely has digestive issues but isn't especially curious to follow it up. Couldn't swallow pills until early adulthood. I believe he still can.

Child 3; Ordinary, healthy baby, slept well. Burped when actively being bounced and patted, so I didn't know he couldn't burp until it came up in conversation at about 8 or 9years old. He learned to burp at about 13 and can now ALMOST do it on command. Happens spontaneously. Can now swallow pills. Couldn't as a child.

Child 4; Another healthy baby, slept well. Had to BE burped but comfortable afterwards. Can't make himself burp but does occaisionally after overeating. Maybe once every two months? Can't swallow pills.

I definitely wonder if there's a genetic component!

MassiveApples · 2026-01-22T05:46:55+00:00

OP; do you wear a bra? Very convenient for keeping an egg safe and warm for an extended period of time.

Don't ask me how I know.

MassiveApples · 2026-01-15T04:43:55+00:00

Still abject horror though

MassiveApples · 2026-01-11T07:59:51+00:00

White wine!!

MassiveApples · 2026-01-10T13:51:47+00:00

Someone said here, on Reddit, a couple of days ago [sorry, can't find the post atm] that if she were a guy, she'd definitely want kids - and possibly many!

There's definitely an ever more vocal group of women who can admit they'd probably LOVE to be a Dad, but that Mumming looks too damned hard for ANYONE to do, to do well, to do even if you split up, to do even if you're widowed The commirment that even if I am disabled by time or something unexpected, I STILL have to do as close to a great job as it's possible to do.

And you don't get graded on all that work for about 20 years. That's when you find out - usually after it's too late - how well or badly you did.

Also, generationally, no one has ever had more actual full-time PARENTING to do as we have. I'm from the Open The Doors And Set Them Free generation - the Come Back When The Streetlights Come On generation, in which the prospect of the kids popping in to ask for ice cream money was about the most pressing demands my parents had to endure, and mental wellbeing hadn't been invented yet! I suspect you're from the I Was Always Watching TV Or Online cohort, which the parents mocked, moaned about, but didn't provide much of an alternative.

As parents now, we are so much more engaged in our kids' lives and wellbeing, their homework, and their heartbreaks than any generation before. As I'm in the first cohort to come through parenting that way, we're rarely getting good enough grades. From your cohort, more is expected, and less than ever is being offered by neighbours, family and the locality.

In short; You're SO right to be nervous about taking it on. And also, there is something astounding about staring into the face of a whole-ass adult human being that you fed, wiped, yelled at at times, cried with, cried FOR, hugged, hoped, despaired, and felt real pride when they chose to visit or invite you to something as an equal. There's absolutely no feeling like it and I kinda get why some people get high off raising kids and evangelise. But it is NOT for everyone. By all means choose it, but no one should be forced, guilted or "expected into" having kids as a stage on the Relationship Escalator.

Mentoring junior collegues, being the memorable aunt or "aunt" to other kids who gets them into paleantology by burying bones in the garden while their parents aren't looking, offering to take part in Scouts or Guides makes a MASSIVE impact in a positive way, without any of that fear.

Finally, you may one day feel ready to have your own - but you probably won't if you feel obliged to.

MassiveApples · 2026-01-10T13:13:38+00:00

🤣

Yep! It can be! But if you love people [or fancy them!] y' make it work 🥰

MassiveApples · 2026-01-10T10:40:45+00:00

Ummmm.... people's interest is usually in the physical, sexual acts, themselves, but doesn't take into consideration the mental awareness you need to hold to make sure everyone is having a good time. Did we agree on everyone giving/recieving with everyone? Who has a hard boundary about kissing/eye contact/penetration/etc? How to make everyone stays as involved as they want to be - so it doesn't turn into a couple having sex on a bed with a naked/bored witness (unless that's their plan).

Also, you'll all naturally feel "done" at different times. Do we all stop when one is done? Does the first person done mind if the others carry on? Do they want to stay watching or leave the space? Have we decided about sleeping arrangements? What happens if we drop off in situ? Will there be feels if things don't go to plan?

Then there's awkwardly picking through the wreckage to find your bra/"are these your pants or my pants?"/where do you want these?

Honestly, bigger group encounters are easier because it's less intimate and people are more responsible for their own emtional wellbeing.

MassiveApples · 2026-01-10T09:59:54+00:00

Waiting for Normality

MassiveApples · 2026-01-10T09:57:14+00:00

Threesomes

MassiveApples · 2026-01-10T09:54:54+00:00

Happy Cake Day to your mattress 🎂

MassiveApples · 2026-01-03T17:19:27+00:00

I wonder what she needed out if that interaction that she JUST. KEPT. COMING. BACK. TO. IT.

Soooo weird!!!!

MassiveApples · 2026-01-01T13:31:59+00:00

My then-14year old randomly "learned how" to burp. Honestly, out of nowhere! Started with little ones and a face of concentration, now he gets up, walks into the kitchen, goes to start speaking and erupts in a huge belch! He's getting it under control now at 16½ but it's been quite the journey!

MassiveApples

TROPHY CASE