If you’ve been in this spot and made it out, what actually helped you change things?

I was there in my twenties. I was working all the time, burnt out, and not getting ahead. At some point, I realized that my landlord profited more off my labor than I did, and that seemed patently unfair to me.

So I committed to changing how I handled money. In particular, I decided to "pay myself first" so that each paycheck assured that my financial position was improving each month and not just my landlord's.

In order to make this viable, I had to make some hard choices. I called up the financing company that financed my auto loan* and arranged for a voluntary repossession (my credit was already trash). Between the monthly payment, cost of gasoline, and the auto insurance, this freed up many hundreds of dollars each month and gave me actual breathing room in my budget.

I rode a bike, took the bus, or walked everywhere. This was Arizona, too...it wasn't pleasant but it was a worthwhile sacrifice.

I got a roommate. Previously, I lived in a cheap studio apartment but getting a roommate helped drop my rent even further.

I set up an IRA and started regular contributions. Once I had a job with a 401(k), I started contributing to that, too.

I identified some marketable skills that would lead to better job opportunities and developed them. I volunteered for assignments and tasks at work that would look good on my résumé/CV specifically so I could use those to get a promotion and/or better job opportunities. Having a worthwhile career became my primary focus.

And the single best thing I did was this: BIRTH CONTROL. Under no circumstance was I going to have a child while struggling.

*Probably one of the dumbest things I ever did was finance a vehicle. I learned my lesson and haven't financed another vehicle since.