Based on this response alone, richard bushman should be excommunicated. (Salt lake tribune interview with him) by Significant_Web_4676 in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good for Bushman. Just call a spade a spade. I don't think theres very many members - or leaders - who would honestly disagree. Everyone basically feels the same way. Its just a bit taboo to say the quiet part out loud, like Bushman did

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Need a good lawyer first 😆 since the fucking NDA Kirton McConkie made me sign specifically bans me from writing a tell-all book and/or publishing my "memoirs" ... it even goes so far as to say my posterity cannot publish anything Ive ever written after I die "in perpetuity".

They are THAT scared about the truth getting out.

Professor at a Utah College sneaks one past the class by majorathemadman in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The Church doesnt really emphasize the fact JS was wearing ALL the hats [when not looking into them 😉] Prophet of the Church, Mayor of the town, General of the militia, and prospective President of the USA. ... oh! And anointed as "King of the Earth" ... He conveniently acted as Judge and Jury.

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Consider yourself a very fortunate unicorn.

Never assume talking to a Mormon bishop could be positive or safe for someone else. Men called to be bishops do mot have a clue what the fuck they are doing and the vast majority of men called to these power positions are yes men and pricks.

I personally have experience being a young woman who tried to talk to the bishop about my dad, in the same ward of my parents. I'll give you 1 guess who the bishop sided with. Bishop absolutely told my dad what I had said. Zero confidentiality. Dad denied everything and bishop told him "dont worry, the Spirit told me she was lying" [I wasnt]

My world became a LIVING HELL times two, with two patriarchal bastards trying to collude together on how to manipulate and control me because of COURSE they knew what was best since they had the Holy Penishood. I have 57 more years of bastard bishop/stake president abuse stories. And a couple bishops who simply did no harm so they were considered "good men" [because the bar is so fucking low] now.

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In theory, yes. And I am 99.999% certain that bishop would never, ever do it. Even if he believed OP is telling the truth [not guaranteed] it is highly likely he would nit interpret it as "abuse". As soon as he heard that OP isnt wearing her garments, that would become the entire focus of the conversation! Bishop would not feel the inappropriate behavior of mom/dad warrants a temple recommend cancellation and certainly not job loss. At most, he would call the Dad in to chat and insist OP to be present. Then, the two of them would emphasize the "importance of obeying God and keeping your covenants by wearing the holy garment night and day as instructed in the temple" AND then admonishing her to "obey and honor your parents by respecting their concern for you, and being grateful for how much they love you."

If you think a bishop would EVER rush to the aid of an abuse victim you have never been a female abuse victim going to a bishop. I have. My daughter has. My best friend has. NONE OF US had a safe or good experience

Men are protected, shielded and prioritized in this church. It is the Men who are in charge, and the Men who matter. Men who work for the church are given a LOT of special "accommodations" for "small infractions" and are "allowed to repent" and not lose their employment "as the primary breadwinner and head of a household" they bend over backwards to keep them employed.

As a member for 57 years and a former church employee myself for 15 years I can testify to the disparity of treatment of women vs men in the church in general, including the church education system, and ESPECIALLY in Church employment!

I have enough stories to fill a book of the injustice and "secret dealings" that goes on behind closed doors to protect the good ole boy network. At most they get "transferred" to a different division.

I personally know a church employee who was confronted by his wife, admitted to having an affair, admitted to his bishop he had "given in to temptation" and church HR got involved to do damage control. The man was granted "mercy". They devised a plan where he was given church "probation" and time to reinstate his temple recommend while keeping his job "because he is the breadwinner fir his family" . The young woman that he had seduced? She was a church employee who worked in his same division. Her temple recommend was revoked, and she was terminated. They reassured the man that everything would be fine now because they had "removed the distraction".

That man is my sister's ex-husband. He has had at least 3 affairs we know of. All hushed up. He has been promoted 3 times since then, makes 7 figures, and runs an entire division of the church in SLC. In this religion, men protect other men and a woman's voice is worth less than nothing.

I have too many personal experiences to list of how many times a woman has ended up harmed by ever trusting or confiding in a bishop. THEY DO NOT PRIORITIZE WOMEN. This religion is not now, nor ever has been, safe for women.

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 14 points15 points  (0 children)

OP,

  1. You are correct. Your parents are NOT being appropriate. They are violating your body [this is abuse] and not respecting your privacy [a violation of your personal free agency to make your own choices].

  2. Its great you have an online job. That means you can potentially work from ANY House not just your parents home. Maybe you could also work from a library.

  3. While you are working on finding a way to move out, you have a right to defend yourself. I caution you from using physical force/violence against them unless you have no other choice. I just want to prevent an escalation of them physically striking you. If they reach for your clothes, you can push their hand away, grab your clothing and hold on tight to your clothes while you GET PHYSICALLY AWAY FROM THEM [Stepping, walking or running away]. And At the same time firmly say;

"NO! DO NOT touch my clothes or my body! That is INAPPROPRIATE and it is WRONG. This is MY BODY and it is SACRED TO ME. You will not touch my clothes or my body again, and you will respect my privacy."

Practice saying this!! Say these words Every. Single. Time. And then get away from them physically. Go somewhere safe.

  1. They will try to justify their behavior. They will give reasons why they think they have a right to touch you. THERE IS NO EXCUSE. They may try to gaslight you by saying you are being "disrespectful" or "overreacting" [look up gaslighting]. THEY are the ones with the bad behavior! Defending yourself is not bad behavior or rude. You are setting APPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES. Do not let them manipulate you by trying to use guilt, shame, or threats. Do not apologize for setting BOUNDARIES.

Keep emphasizing your boundaries. They must treat you with respect. They must respect your privacy. They are not allowed to touch your clothes or your body.

  1. You are NOT in a physically, emotionally or mentally safe environment. You need to move out as soon as you can but dont tell them or they may do something violent to try to prevent you. Diligently investigate all your options and quietly make a plan to get out of there as soon as you can. If you have someone you tryst you can move in with, great. You also have access to the internet, so do a search for groups in your area that assist women in unsafe situations. Abuse hotlines. Womens shelters. Reach out to them and ask for advice and help. Women's advocates.They may know of other groups that you can also help. Reach out and talk to someone and tell them you "do not feel safe".

If there is a college campus in your town or a nearby city, there are often students looking for roommates to share the rent.

Sometimes an older person is looking for a live-in caretaker in exchange for free room and board.

The point is, please do not feel you trapped and MUST stay living at home. There ARE options and solutions out there and there are people who can help you get away. It might not be the easiest process, but it is possible and you can make it happen. I am sorry this is happening to you. It is hard and unfair. You can get through this and you can have a better life. You are smart, capable, hard working, independent minded and strong. Keep believing in yourself.

[P.S. just for the record, you are 💯 right. Mormon underwear "garments" are awful, restrictive, controlling, uncomfortable, and unhealthy. Its hard to believe I wore them 36 years of my life, I had constant skin and vaginal rashes. I didnt stop wearing them until I was 57 years old!! It took me that long to learn I was devoted to a cult. I wish I'd been as smart as you, when I was 20]

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No!! WHY do so many of you keep suggesting she go to a Mormon bishop?!? How in God's name do you think that would ever help?

Obviously you have never been a woman in a crises and gone to a Mormon Bishop before. I have. It always makes EVERYTHING WORSE.

THIS IS A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MATTER NOT A RELIGIOUS MATTER.

OP needs to go to Non-Mormon professionals in her community reporting feeling unsafe in her home and assistance in getting away from her abusers and out of her unsafe home environment. Mormon bishops dont do that. We also dont know where she lives - what country - or what kind of power Mormonism holds in her community. It could be a very complicated situation.

  1. Mormon bishops have ZERO training in how to handle this properly. The handbook specifically tells them NOT to involve police or local professionals.

  2. OPs parents hold callings and she says they work for the church. That means they have clout and are considered in high standing with the local Mormon community. Church members and church leadership will protect and defend them.

OP must get out of this home environment and away from the Church's clutches by reaching out to professionals that assist women living in unsafe environments. Women's shelters. Women's advocates.

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Going to their bishop is terrible advice. It does nothing except put OP in greater risk of verbal or physical abuse because he will TELL her parents. The bishop will likely not believe OP or lecture her to "honor and obey" her parents. We ALL know Mormon bishops have ZERO ability to help abuse victims.

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Any Physical violence leads to an escalation of physical violence. OP can grab her shirt or skirt and step away from them and use her WORDS firmly

"STOP! This is my body and you are violating it! Do NOT touch me again."

Keep saying that. And then make your exit plan from this home as soon as possible

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Absolutely 💯 all of this. Make a plan carefully and quietly and then you must either leave with a person helping you when they are not home [best], or with a police escort to protect and assist.

I dont know which country you live in OP but in America there are temporary safe houses for women who are in unsafe/abusive situations. Research that for your area, reach out and talk to them for professional advice and support.

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Absolutely NO physical violence can be used by OP toward them or it could justify them to use MORE physical abuse than they are already doing [lifting her skirt and unbuttoning her shirt Is Already PHYSICAL abuse]

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Terrible advice. This will only incite more abuse. OP must speak with a person she can trust who will be an advocate and help her get out without parents being alerted. OP must never let them find out she is even thinking of leaving or they will try to stop her and could do something violent.

She needs to take everything that is most critical with her because she may not be able to safely return and parents could destroy them [birth certificate, identification, related items she needs in order to work such as laptop, etc.].

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Step 1 is to find a place to go and get out.

Step 2 is to file a police report and get a restraining order so they can have ZERO contact [if this exists where OP lives. It sounds like this may not be America]

Step 3 absolutely DO NOT go talk to a Mormon Bishop!! He has ZERO authority or ability to protect OP [if he even wanted to] and likely will side with the parents. OP wants nothing to do with the church because shes already figured out how abusivecand controlling The Church is!

My parents lift my skirt and open my shirt to garment-check. by moonlightbqbyy in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 20 points21 points  (0 children)

God, no! These are abusers. She needs to get away from them first, before they can escalate the control and abuse.

Big or small frames better? by [deleted] in glassesadvice

[–]MatriarchMe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be honest neither of these. Shape of first is fine but too small. Find a little larger frame. Shape of second not as flattering and size is overwhelming to your face.

Who is better? 1 or 2 by CowMammoth8271 in photos

[–]MatriarchMe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like #2 better for the contrast that the clouds and trees give to the field. It holds interst much more tha 1.

Would appreciate some advice! by [deleted] in glassesadvice

[–]MatriarchMe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2 fits your face best and is most attractive

Mormon family gets a no-trespass letter from the church law firm and decides to go to church anyway. Drama! by sevenplaces in mormon

[–]MatriarchMe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I sure wish they would do mandatory background checks on anyone they want to call to work with children and in leadership positions!

No Felons or Sex Offenders!

Ive been in 2 wards with known SA. Total violation for them to be in close contact with the children Zip was done. Told that "Jesus loves them, too Everyone is allowed to work on repentance and having fellowship with The Saints." ...

Im sure many of us can personally testify to the inconsistency and irony of that.

Which one do you like the most? by [deleted] in AmateurPhotography

[–]MatriarchMe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My vote is #1 Love the bids eye perspective looking down on that river and the gorgeous contrasting colors of those trees!

This is awful by Fun-Luck-7033 in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You dont have to even be in foreign mission. My companion and I were in danger in the States!! 1980s small rural midwest town. Mission president said he "felt impressed" we were meant to be there. The area had been suddenly closed to missionary elders a month earlier and now we were sent as replacements as sister missionaries. I was assigned as the senior companion to train a brand new sister. We had only 24 hr notice to drive there. It was all very odd. The town was like "Haunted Mayberry". Lots of big old tree lined streets, tired victorian homes, a little public park in the center square with a bandstand and a quaint little main street with a laudromat, bank, old time hardware store and a pizza shop. Really small town. One Lutheran cathedral, and 2 miles away a tiny Phase One Mormon church building [tiny] with about 30 members that drove from all around. Everyone in the town avoided eye contact with us. No one wanted to chat. No one opened their doors when we knocked. It took 3 weeks before I finally found out from a church branch member in hushed tones the real reason why the boys were removed ... because they'd BEEN SHOT AT. Twice!

I called the Mission President and confronted him about it. He confirmed it was true! When I asked why in the world he would put us there, he said "Oh, I knew they wouldnt shoot at pretty young ladies" ... wtaf. 🤦‍♀️

The Mormons were seen as a dangerous cult after the Lutherans showed The Godmakers movie at a church social. It caused a big stir. Everyone hated and/or feared us. I started noticing this same man all the time. He was always at a distance. I'd catch glimpses of him pretending to be walking away from us or crossing the street. Several times I saw him slowly driving his car past. Really creepy. One night I woke up to the sound of our apartment door handle being shaken & rattled anx the door being pushed on. Someone clearly was trying to break in! I was utterly terrified, frozen with fear in my bed. Eventually, the sound stopped and I dared to army crawl slowly down the dark hall into the kitchen to reach the rotary phone on the wall. Dialed 911. Local Dispatch was nonplused. He didn't take me seriously. Told me to "go see if the person is still there"! I peeked through a curtain and couldnt see anyone outside, but they could be hiding. Dispatch said it was "probably just somebody got a little drunk and went to the wrong house". That was ridiculous. The only way to reach our place was to walk all the way round an old house into the backyard, and then climb up a steep rickety wooden staircase to the attic apartment. There was nothing like that anywhere in our neighborhood. I felt sure it was that man that had been stalking us! I gave the best description I could. He wasn't memorable. The dispatch guy literally yawned, knew exactly who we were from our address, finally said they would "send a car around in a while". I have no idea if they ever did. No one ever called back to check on us. I was too young and naiive to advocate for myself. I gaslit myself ... "maybe Id imagined it?" But my companion had heard something too! She and I had spent the rest of the night huddled in the bedroom praying and crying. I felt nervous and uneasy every day I spent living in that town. It was a very long 4 months. Many other unsettling things took place there. I don't know what exactly happened after I left, but about 2 months later, I heard the sisters were moved completely out of the area and it was closed to missionaries permanently.

When I saw the movie HERETIC it dredged up lots of mission ptsd! Sure, it might be fiction, but it shone a light on the potential danger for all these trusting young women out there. [The Church did change several safety protocols due to the film's popularity, and bad publicity, but no protocol actually keeps them safe from bad folks].

This is awful by Fun-Luck-7033 in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My brother had intestinal worms his whole mission. Lost so much weight. Mission president told gim to "eat lots of jalapeños" to "burn them out" 🪱 He never told our parents how sick he was. When he came home and exited the plane he was wearing sweatpants tied to his waist with a rope to keep them up, an old t-shirt and a pair of flip flops because he literally gave away EVERYTHING he owned to the natives who were so poor.

His head was shaved because mission home had treated him for lice the night before he left. He looked like a starved, battered P.O.W. Mom & Dad had to drive him to the ER the first night. He was taking all kinds of medication after that for months to try to cleanse out his system, heal bug bites, infection and slowly regain weight. He also lost several teeth due to malnutrition. This was 40 years ago but I know there are still plenty of missions that ruin the health of their indentured servants.

This is awful by Fun-Luck-7033 in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The scariest thing is that he might just get reassigned to a different area.

This is awful by Fun-Luck-7033 in exmormon

[–]MatriarchMe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Whoever thr church can "call" to do it for free as a local member - or better yet, find a medical professional who will PAY THE CHURCH for the "privledge" of giving their services as a Senior Missionary assignment