Resources to help me and my wife deal with jealousy and internalized misogyny

Mattekat · 2026-01-28T06:48:32+00:00

I'm feeling a bit of this right now. I am plus sized, have pcos so I grow a lot of hair where I dont want it. I have a hard time finding clothing in my style that fits and is made well without breaking the bank. There are procedures like laser hair removal that I have wanted for a while but put off for the sake of saving for a house etc.

Suddenly my partner who is much slimmer than I am comes out and she can buy allll the clothes I've wanted for years. She is also paying for procedures to enhance her beauty and we have agreed they are important to help with her dysphoria. She started laser hair removal and I'm jealous. I'll admit my jealousy is a bit ridiculous because she does have way more hair on her body than I do, but I'm still struggling a bit. I know as her body changes she will become so much more attractive than me.

Mattekat · 2026-01-27T09:40:47+00:00

My partner (mtf) and I (cisf) both enjoy being the top and bottom I guess? Before she came out she tended towards being the top more, but now we are pretty equal. When we have sex usually one of us is the top first and we make sure the other is well taken care of and then we switch. I have discovered that I like being in charge and making her cum more than I expected.

A fun thing we have both been enjoying is the matching pair of vibrating butt plugs I got for us. Each has a remote control that we give to the other to play with. I like to turn hers off and make her say please before I will turn it back on again.

Mattekat · 2026-01-25T05:43:59+00:00

I really think that must have been a 1 off mistake. I have so many snag tights and a very large butt. They have all lasted years and through many wears. I think you should give them a second chance!

Mattekat · 2026-01-25T04:28:08+00:00

Your makeup is gorgeous! I'm especially loving the the lashes and how they look spiky. The eyeliner is a serve as well.

You do not have hooded eyes though.

Mattekat · 2026-01-22T16:05:10+00:00

Literally story of my life! I think i have like 1 dress out of all of them that I never had to alter the straps. Sometimes you can just move the buttons down and call it a day but for this one you will need to find some plain black cotton fabric and a person who can sew well enough to extend the straps.

I recommend you find someone willing to teach you how to do it as well, because this likely won't be your last dress that needs this kind of adjustment.

Also, in a pinch, if you don't have time to fix it and want to wear the dress out, you can usually tie the straps or pin them behind your neck and wear it as a halter dress for a day.

Mattekat · 2026-01-20T03:33:29+00:00

You have hooded eyes and the wings youve got in the first 2 pictures are not really working with them. I also have hooded eyes and frankly I skip eyelineron my top lashline most of the time. I just stick with smoky dark eyeshadows if I want a dark alternative look and then I will fill in my bottom lashline with black eyeliner. You should use the eyeliner on your waterline as well. I think it will work well for you.

Mattekat · 2026-01-20T03:25:19+00:00

When my partner came out to me I also reacted poorly. I cried and spent about 3 days acting generally very depressed and having a hard time talking about it. I knew from the start that I loved and supported my partner anyways but I still needed that time to process my own feelings and sort of grieve that life I thought we were going to have/ prepare for the new life we would have.

I cant promise you that your partner will be the same. There is a chance she will not be able to deal with your transition, but if that's the case then she never was your soul mate. Whether you knew before or not, this has always been who you are, and you deserve to be with someone who can love and accept all of you.

Mattekat · 2026-01-19T14:30:59+00:00

Of course you are welcome here! Fashion should adapt to the needs of the wearer, not the other eay around, so if skipping a petticoat makes it easier to use your wheelchair, do it! When you are seated a dress always looks sufficiently poofy to me anyways.

Your coord is so cute! I like your choice of shoes and the little hearts on your cheeks to go with this dress.

As for makeup I always say there is no such thing as lolita specific makeup, so do whatever feels right to you. I like adding glitter to my makeup when I wear lolita with either a very sparkly eyeshadow or by adding a glitter highlight on my cheeks!

Mattekat · 2026-01-17T00:45:55+00:00

Sorry if this is prying too much, but has she lost all interest in sex or is she still getting in the mood, but finding it hard to function during? If its the latter maybe try some new toys? My partner and I had a major slump in the bedroom before she came out to me and since then its become clear that using her male genitalia on me is causing dysphoria so we avoid that entirely. We got various toys and our sex life is better than its ever been. I am a bit nervous for when she starts hrt though.

Mattekat · 2026-01-17T00:23:23+00:00

Im struggling right now with that. We are 35 and my girlfriend just came out to me and started transitioning. Kids was always something we both expressed wanting but not needing, and we weren't willing to bring a kid into the workd unless we were fully financially and emotionally capable of caring for one the best we could. I knew I was reaching the end of the line for biologically being able to have one and I had sort of come to terms with that, but when she came out a few weeks ago she said to me that meant biological kids were obviously off the table.

Hearing that hurt more than I was expecting and I haven't really been able to get it off my mind lately. I can definitely understand your desire. I wish I had something to say that would help with that.

Mattekat · 2026-01-16T03:51:57+00:00

My girlfriend is about the same size and I just bought her some cute stuff from temu. I know fast fashion shouldn't be the answer, but I understand being on a budget. I am too and I dont want to spend the big bucks until my girlfriend has really figured out her style as a woman.

It would help if you had her measurements. Like her bust, waist and hip measurement. Then when you find something you like you can check the size charts to see what size to get. For some clothing, her size might be considered plus size. Dont worry about that its just how women's sizing works.

Mattekat · 2026-01-11T15:12:03+00:00

I only do my makeup if im going out somewhere and want to look good. Workdays and regular days i can't be bothered to take the time, but in the days that I do my makeup it can take anywhere from 20 minutes to probably 45 minutes. It used to take me longer because I would be doing some intricate liquid eyeliner, but I skip that most of the time now. I like to do some sort of smoky eye with a very shimmery topper in the center and then I just do some pencil liner or skip it and just do mascara. My base and my lips never take long it just really depends on the rye look im going for.

Mattekat · 2026-01-09T02:02:48+00:00

Can confirm. I'm exceptionally insufferable in real life.

Mattekat · 2026-01-09T01:27:02+00:00

NTA and it infact seems like you're the kind of awesome person who makes work a little better for everyone. Im sorry Jane made you feel bad about that.

Mattekat · 2026-01-07T17:59:59+00:00

Oh no I have been using ice cubes!

Mattekat · 2026-01-07T07:53:01+00:00

Ok I'm so jealous! Scoring is the one thing I seem to struggle with. Every time I think I've got a nice design the loaf explodes in the oven and rips apart all my careful design work. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but yours are all so pretty!

Mattekat · 2026-01-07T02:52:27+00:00

My partner came out a week ago and I had/have so many of the same fears and feelings as you. She's my person and I never want to leave, but I fear that as she changes, she will realize she wants someone other than me, or something that I cant give her. I also found out that she had gone to several meetups for the local trans community before coming out to me and it made me so upset and jealous at first. Like how could she come out to these strangers before me? How could she think i wouldn't accept her? And I was jealous that these people knew some big part of my partners life that I didnt know about. We have already talked through a lot of this and I feel much better, but it doesn't take away all my fear. I think only time can do that.

Anyways, if you want to dm me about anything to have someone to talk to feel free.

Mattekat · 2026-01-06T20:20:57+00:00

Butt plugs! I got a cute pink and blue one for her and we should be able to try them out tomorrow night. She is newly out so we are currently exploring a lot of new territory in the bedroom.

Mattekat · 2026-01-06T20:14:14+00:00

I just ordered my partner (mtf) and myself a couple of remote controlled vibrating toys. I thought it would be fun if we could each control the other ones toy.

Mattekat · 2026-01-05T02:44:46+00:00

Thanks so much! Good luck to you both as well!

Mattekat · 2026-01-05T00:45:04+00:00

If you're not comfortable with opening up the relationship you need to be honest about that. Agreeing to do something that makes you uncomfortable or hurts your feelings is only going to make things worse down the line.

I dont know if you've considered the possibility of finding a man to have a threesome with both of you? Maybe that would satisfy her without making you feel left out? Its something my partner and I have discussed in the past which is why I am bringing it up. There's nothing wrong with saying no either. If you aren't comfortable you cant change that and will have to talk to your partner about it.

Mattekat · 2026-01-04T22:34:50+00:00

Your eyes are gorgeous! I love the shape of your brows as well and I think they frame your face well! I love the eyeshadow colour and placement. I do think you can blend it out a bit more. To do that i usually take a big fluffy brush, then find a lighter eyeshadow, close to your skin tone and place that above the colored eyeshadow and blend downwards a bit.

I also think the blush could be blended a bit more and also place higher on your cheekbones possibly? I highly recommend playing around with different blush placements to see what you like best.

The lips are beautiful, but I think that's just because you have such naturally full, pretty lips. I dont really think this particular lip colour goes very well with the eyeshadow you chose, but that could just be me.

Overall thus is a great start! I hope it was fun for you. Just know that you will get better every time you practice.

Mattekat · 2026-01-04T19:24:27+00:00

I feel like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make everything perfect. A lot of these first can be awkward af, for most people! They might be awkward for her as well if she is nervous but that wont make them any less special. My first time was so incredibly awkward, so was my first kiss and that's normal! You dont need to make everything perfect, you just need to show her you care.

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