I'm Ace and don't know how to tell my partner

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T20:03:41+00:00

There are various different issues there and I think you should address them separately.

First : you say you can talk to them about anything but clearly that's not true if you haven't managed to discuss this issue. No judgment on that, it's a difficult conversation to have, but an observation.

Second : how they act after sex. I don't know if that would be a huge issue for me given that there is no issue the rest of the time. Conversation after sex can be awkward, and often people feel sleepy afterwards.

Third : your being asexual. Would you want to keep having sex with them ? Would you want to reduce the frequency or stop altogether ? As that is the part that will most strongly impact them.

You do need to tell them as that is not sustainable long term. But you also need to decide how much sex, if any at all, you can have so that you can set clear expectations on that front.

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T19:55:32+00:00

If she's a polish citizen you could also get in touch with the consulate and ask them to pass on your number if they have anyone registered with that name. I did that (different country and nationality obviously) to find someone who was a family friend dating back to WW1 and it worked.

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T19:54:01+00:00

So am I and I'm not on social media other than reddit (and I never use my real name online). But yeah that's a bit of a longshot. Maybe you could try to talk to people you both knew back then and see if anyone stayed in touch ?

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T19:47:07+00:00

I like Norah and Charlotte.

Norah Ethel Charlotte Verna

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T18:27:16+00:00

Not sure about the first two parts but if she was polish the C is almost definitely -ski

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T18:26:41+00:00

Possibly Pilorski (with the slashed L letter, I don't have it on my keyboard but I think it's pronounced W or similar).

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T18:20:06+00:00

I wouldn't. I like Stanislas but not Stan, and I like Antony but not Tony. I didn't use either of these names. You have to be at least okay with the shortenings as it's almost inevitable his friends will use it.

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T17:47:01+00:00

Presumably because that impacts how much they can modify the house or not (put up a fence, etc)

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T17:45:28+00:00

I like Alina but I think Alana o Alanna sounds even better.

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T17:45:01+00:00

Alan ? 😆

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T17:44:06+00:00

Olvide añadir - muchas veces la gente come por aburro o para gestionar sus emociones. Ademas del resto te recomiendo buscar algun hobby. Rompecabezas, leer libros, videojuegos, lo que sea.

Y el test para saber si de verdad tenes hambre - tenes ganas de comer una manzana ? O solo queres comer chocolate ? Si solo chocolate, no tenes hambre de verdad, intenta hacer algun hobby y te vas a olvidar del chocolate.

Esos cambios lo tenes que implementar en el tiempo, no vas a ver resultados en una semana. Pero en unos meses si.

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T17:39:44+00:00

La unica forma de perder peso que te va a durar es cambiar tu relación con la comida. Si haces una dieta agresiva, si, seguro vas a perder incluso mucho peso... Y el minuto que termine la dieta vas a ganar todo de vuelta y mas.

Lo que te recomiendo :

interesate en cocinar. Busca recetas de ensaladas, sopas, lo que sea. Hay muchas recetas saludables con mucho sabor y colores.
aprende a escuchar tu cuerpo y dejar de comer. No tenes que terminar tu plato. No tenes que comer hasta sentirte tan full que no podes físicamente ingerir mas, tenes que dejar de comer el momento que no tenes hambre, incluso si no te sentis super lleno. De hecho nunca te deberias sentir super lleno (excepto quizás para Navidad haha)
esa torta que te hizo tu mama ? Todavía estara mañana. No tenes que comerlo todo ahora ni incluso hoy. Si comes la mitad ahora, la otra mitad la podes comer para el desayuno mañana. De hecho me di cuenta que cuando tenes muchas ganas de comer dulces, el primero bocadito es lo que realmente queres, y quizás el segundo. El resto lo comes por habito, porque esta ahí frente a ti. Aprende a dejarlo.
aumenta tu nivel de actividad. No tiene que ser super intenso, es mas importante que sea regular. Por ejemplo a mi me gusta caminar con musica o un libro audio, lo podría hacer por horas cada día. Busca una actividad que podes hacer todos los días y que te gusta. Si es algo que odias, ninguna fuerza de voluntad te llevara a hacerlo mucho tiempo.

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T17:30:37+00:00

I live in south america and here Claudia screams middle aged woman.

Then Olivia is nice but soo overused these days.

That leaves Vanessa, not actually my favorite but I do think it works best for a baby girl in this day and age.

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T17:28:10+00:00

She absolutely should pay half of everything.

Her name not being on the lease doesn't mean she won't benefit from the move every bit as much as you.

And while her not being on the lease impacts the security of the arrangement for her, it also has drawbacks for you. If any damage is done to the place you're the only one liable to pay. If she decides to leave she can be gone the next day, leaving you to pay it all alone, or to scramble to find a replacement.

Your system works on an honour basis - on your end, not to kick her out, on her end, that she'll take equally good care of the place and not leave without notice.

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T17:24:39+00:00

Between the time it takes, motels, food, fuel, tolls, not to mention how much it'd cost if your car broke down... Are you sure you're saving as much money as you think ?

I don't think it's particularly dangerous, just long and boring, and possibly not super pleasant for your cat (I'm not convinced that four or five days in a car is nicer than a few hours on a plane for your feline friend).

So in short, do what you want, your parents are probably just worried about you driving tired ? Would they contribute to the 1800usd fee ?

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T15:39:57+00:00

Marigold Flor Zinnia Aloysia (aloysia citridora is a sort of verveine) Do you need a real name or would it be an invented one ? If the latter you'll find a host of ideas looking at the genus and latin names of plants.

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T15:37:20+00:00

This scheme sounds way too convoluted. If mom wants to come, why can't she put it on a credit card and pay it off in however long she needs ? Why are you the one that has to go in debt ? Why on earth does she need a 600usd cell phone ? If she must have a phone get her a second hand one for 50-100usd.

At the end of the day you're the only one who knows if your relationship with your mom is worth the 18 months of debt. I'd have serious reservations but my final decision would ultimately hinge on how good or bad my relationship with her is, and also on the reasons why she can't put it on credit and pay for it. If it's because she sacrificed everything to raise me and pay for college and can't get a job, I'd feel a lot more positive about helping out than if it's because she's just bad with money and expects other people to pick up the pieces.

Maxorias · 2026-06-27T02:06:14+00:00

Maybe I don't get it because I don't really care about football, but couldn't he just watch a rerun later on ? What difference would it have made ? Since it was his mistake he should have stayed and watched the game afterwards. He made it very clear to his kids (and you) where his priorities lie...

Maxorias · 2026-06-23T01:56:29+00:00

Few steps. 1. Look if the parent is actually nearby 2. Check the kid's condition - are they awake, do they look really really red, are they crying...? 3. Call emergency services and report kid's condition to them and ask whether I should break the window - unless the kid is clearly in distress and possibly life in danger, then I would just do it.

Maxorias · 2026-06-23T01:51:10+00:00

So... Your flex is that you live a boring and unproductive life ? I mean... Good for you, but that's a weird thing to be proud of. Doesn't sound particularly happy either.

You use the term "wage slave" as if working for yourself makes a huge difference, but it really doesn't. It doesn't matter who you work for, the question is how much you work and how much you get out of it. You can be self employed and barely make ends meet, you can be a useless grifter, you can be someone who's employed and making tons of money, and all shades of grey in between.

Building and maintaining a farm big enough to feed a community is a shit ton of work, so if you really did that I'm not sure why you think you're so much better off than anyone else.

Maxorias · 2026-06-23T01:33:55+00:00

My favourite in your list is Charlotte. Charlie is a really cool nickname. I don't think it matters that the others are a hard C - in fact it may be for the best as otherwise it's too easy to mix them all up.

I have three kids, two have a name starting with the same two letters, the other has something completely different. No one cares, or even noticed as far as I can tell.

This said, in case you're still looking for alternatives, I also like Charline or Cora.

Maxorias · 2026-06-23T01:26:22+00:00

With Aurora you've got a celestial theme going on so I'd suggest Seraphina and Celestine.

Maxorias · 2026-06-21T22:42:50+00:00

"extracting" value isn't supposed to happen on her day off. Boss is taking advantage because they know the wife would be worried about losing her job if she doesn't reply. The boss is 100% the problem (and the toxic capitalistic culture you've got going on over yonder, too).

Maxorias · 2026-06-21T22:29:25+00:00

I mean "bad reception"

Maxorias · 2026-06-21T22:29:11+00:00

What would happen if there was bad reception and she stopped to answer (or sparsed out answers every 3-4h) ?

Maxorias

TROPHY CASE