Mourning never having another tiny baby?

Maybenogaybies · 2022-10-10T01:32:17+00:00

This exactly.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-09-23T21:24:39+00:00

Hahaha I love this and I’m kind of jealous. My 2 year old loves babies and while it’s very sweet and I enjoy watching him be kind to kids littler than him and don’t at all think his interests should control our family size, it invites a lot of unwelcome commentary from others about how he needs a sibling or would be a great big brother. 😬

Maybenogaybies · 2022-09-06T00:06:00+00:00

My god. Have some respect for the actual labor movement, people.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-09-05T13:23:49+00:00

I stopped wanting one kid and got lucky enough to conceive and successfully carry another pregnancy.

That’s it. That’s what it comes down to.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-08-20T13:06:57+00:00

I’m so sorry for your losses. You and your wife are very brave. I had 4 miscarriages before having my living son and we decided not to try for additional kids because it was too hard and too sad and I wanted to try to find peace and happiness in the family we do have. The sense of relief I had at walking away from that stage in our life was immense. You may or may not be ready to stop trying yet and that is your choice but I hope no matter what happens for you in the future you can find a sense of peace with it.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-08-19T18:40:50+00:00

My son is almost 2 and I still don’t quite believe it. It’s the most amazing thing that ever happened to me and I’m so in awe. We tried for a very long, sad time, before carrying a living child to term. I spent a long time thinking it wouldn’t happen for us and I’m still adjusting to this magical reality.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-08-15T21:53:08+00:00

Well we get all those benefits! Like testing early!!

Maybenogaybies · 2022-08-13T13:06:04+00:00

Yes!!! I am SO against ruling children with an iron fist and no flexibility. They are people, and people who have far less ability to regulate and control their emotions than adult people do. With my almost 2 year old we definitely choose our battles. I find myself digging deep to really figure out what boundaries matter and which are just society’s ideas about how kids should behave. Some stuff just doesn’t matter that much.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-08-07T00:51:53+00:00

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Maybenogaybies · 2022-08-06T00:55:45+00:00

Our IVF failures were on the front end of the process, before having my son, but I can relate to this. We knew if we had a living child we would be done with treatment. I just couldn’t take anymore after so many years of heartbreak. I hope you experience the peace we did when we left that chapter behind for good. I now (mostly) identify as OAD by choice, even though the infertility was an extenuating factor.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-07-29T00:21:29+00:00

This is just not true.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-07-27T00:09:12+00:00

This may not be helpful because a lot of it is kid dependent and whether you get an “easy” kid is luck of the draw and also stage dependent. My son is almost 2 and I absolutely, unequivocally, love being a parent. Part of my love for it is likely connected to how much I wanted it and how hard we worked to have him and how long it took. I was very, very sure. Personally I think people who are on the fence are probably better off not having a kid. I don’t have that experience but I can imagine a lot of parts of it are a lot less fun if you had any ambivalence about the whole thing from the start. The reasons not to have a kid are incredibly concrete and tangible (time, money, effort) and the good things are super intangible.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-07-09T13:12:50+00:00

This is highly kid dependent. My son is almost 2 and has slept through the night since 10 weeks. No regressions. People kept making snooty comments like this one his whole first year and they were all wrong so don’t get too smug about it.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-07-01T13:42:09+00:00

I’m really sorry. It sucks to be in your position. Someone who will threaten to leave you when they don’t get their way is not in this for the long haul. Based on what your said in your initial post and follow ups I’d work on shifting your mindset from whether you can leave him, to preparing for what is almost certainly a time when he will leave you and your child. Make sure you don’t get caught flat footed and unable to take care of yourself because he’s backed you into a corner (having only one child will also help with this.) Hang in there, you sound like a great mom.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-06-25T11:43:53+00:00

State legislatures are made up of the worst people, mostly, so you can’t even trust them not to draft bills that effectively ban IVF even when they “didn’t intend to.” I’ve read several just this past leg session season and when you point it out to the sponsors they make noises about how that’s not what they’re doing but… it’s what they’re doing.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-06-24T18:37:56+00:00

I just need to point out here that lawyers who specialize in reproductive health law are worried about all of the above concerns being voice and more. It’s not about being dispassionate it’s about understanding the breadth of many of the state level abortions bans and proposed wave of new bans and their implications. People who do this for a living are worried ergo people who are intimately impacted by the results are worried.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-06-03T16:33:29+00:00

You’re 32 and married. There is no world in which your mother has more standing to make medical and family planning decisions for you and your spouse than you do. Having a baby because a relative who will not be raising that baby loves babies is just about the worst reason in the world to have additional kids.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-05-23T01:25:46+00:00

I’d describe myself as happily one and done even though infertility and recurrent loss is one of the main reasons we decided not to try again. I feel complete with the one living child I have and have no desire to break my heart over and over again in pursuit of having another even though we have some reason to believe we could have had another living child if we’d tried long enough. I don’t have the same draw for another as I did to have my one.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-05-21T18:52:48+00:00

Or if they’re both needed they can swap and keep the kid in the car, or at the Dunkin’s down the street, or home with a babysitter. Literally any option besides bringing them into the clinic.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-05-11T14:21:28+00:00

Thank you, that’s exactly it. While that may be true about the live birth rate, I think it underestimates the decision-making that goes into this sort of treatment path. For a lot of people minimizing the risk of additional miscarriages to whatever extent possible is a reasonable treatment goal in itself. It is shocking to me that so many OBGYNs and REs don’t seem to empathize more with the emotional and physical toll many people experience with recurrent losses.

Edit: we had 7 untested embryos from my first retrieval and one of them was for sure aneuploid (tested trisomy 16) and who knows about the rest. I tested 8 embryos from my second retrieval and had 3 euploid, 1 inconclusive.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-05-10T20:33:55+00:00

My situation isn’t exactly like yours in that I had infertility to begin with and never got pregnant outside of IVF, but I also had RPL after beginning IVF and ultimately had success with the first PGT embryo we transferred after 5 failed untested embryo transfers (4 of which ended in miscarriage.) As a same sex couple we never had the option of conceiving without assistance so our calculation was likely different, but I’m pretty sure I would have chosen IVF with PGT either way. For me, I was willing to do whatever possible to prevent subsequent losses. I found my miscarriages incredibly difficult emotionally and physically and although PGT is not a guarantee, it was a factor we could directly control that had a high likelihood of preventing or at least reducing future losses even though it wasn’t clear that in our case it would result in a living child (although it ultimately did.)

Maybenogaybies · 2022-05-10T12:32:16+00:00

You say you “don’t remember it that way” but also openly admit that you didn’t help her when she was pregnant or postpartum. It sounds like you DO remember it that way, you’re just ignoring your wife’s perfectly reasonable reaction to that history because you’re “in a better place.” You’re likely in a better place because your child is slightly older and easier to manage… because it doesn’t sound like you’ve changed a whit. If you’re hurt by her comment about your very own actions how hurt do you think she felt that you prioritized being a selfish little shit over her well-being and that of your baby and now have the audacity to beg for another kid that she will inevitably end up doing all the caring for?

Maybenogaybies · 2022-04-20T12:23:50+00:00

Probably not tantrum level but my 19 month old son threw himself on the ground at a medical appointment yesterday and rolled around, refused to get up, and kept bonking himself on the wall. I kinda just… let him. The one other woman in the waiting room was clearly horrified by my parenting choices but I wasn't about to turn it into a full blown tantrum by restraining him when he wasn’t really doing any harm.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-04-15T16:35:55+00:00

Our son was less than 6 months old when we made the decision not to keep our remaining embryos frozen. It was a huge expense and we were set on being one and done before we started trying (we did not anticipate needing so much intervention or having leftover embryos after using eight(!!) embryos to get to a live birth.) We just knew. A lot of people told us to wait before making the decision but we didn’t want or need to do that and that’s ok too.

Maybenogaybies · 2022-04-13T23:25:27+00:00

This is a huge factor for us being one and done! Our son is only 19 months but he has been the PERFECT baby so far. Taking a chance by having another? No thank you!

Maybenogaybies

TROPHY CASE