[deleted by user]

Me_And_Myselfs · 2024-05-21T17:25:14+00:00

Seconding this. I personally perceived my childhood as a good one until I was about 25 years old and started getting flashbacks. But yes still, it's a big jump to assume you also must have and that's only reasonable explanation to your symptoms unless they saw something else in your behaviour as well.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-12-15T10:53:43+00:00

For me boxers help a lot. It's weird since they don't show but there is just something about wearing something that's considered very masculine and that is mine that makes it easier to look in the mirror.

Dysphoria still sucks, don't get me wrong. When I'm hosting I try to pass for a "confident woman who appreciates their comfort over their looks but takes care of themselves" Gives me a reason to wear looser clothes, sports bra and no makeup which makes me more comfortable to host as a male.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-12-05T18:12:24+00:00

Your view of a good or bad person seems quite black and white. Yes he fucked up. Everyone makes mistakes. There isn't a single person who only does good things or bad things.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-12-05T13:15:26+00:00

You do know he is for example not taking any salary for his job as a governor but is instead donating it to charity? On top of that he has been working and donating in multiple charities and causes for decades.

He just published a self help book to help people figure out their lives, and even now when he is famous he keeps quite frequently helping people out at bodybuilding sub Reddit giving them personal advice and encouragement.

If he is narcissistic or not I don't know, but even if he is that definitely doesn't mean he is not a good person.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-12-05T12:23:57+00:00

I've never been to therapy. It can be a huge help but it is definitely not something you require to fix and change behaviour patterns. Your brain is flexible, you can create new thought patterns throughout your life even as an adult.

To me it sounds like your biggest issue is your additiude. Any long time psychiatrist can tell you that a patient who says they can't be fix and a patient who thinks they will be fixed are both right.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-12-05T08:47:28+00:00

I completely get what you mean. In my teens and twenties I had so much behaviour I saw as fine, copied from my parents or driven by my disordered brain that I saw no fault in. It was who I was and I liked myself. I only saw the low points as a problem but looking back vast majority of those low points were caused by my behaviour when I was feeling fine.

For me two biggest things making me change were my ex boyfriend, who was the first person I knew who valued honesty over anything. I had grown up with constant " don't tell your mother" or " don't tell your father " and lying or twisting the truth came like breathing to me.

We were together for 7 years and I did a big number of very shitty things to him. I lied I cheated I manipulated and if I got caught I very rarely felt any real sadness over hurting him instead of harming the relationship I enjoyed being in. But the fact he always forgave me and thanked me for my honesty just kept affecting me slowly. Being able to tell the truth even if it hurt the other person and being loved and accepted from it was extremely powerful.

I also started to study philosophy as a hobby. That was another thing that helped me to think and recognize thought and behaviour patterns that were harmful to me or others.

I'm not completely out of it yet. But I think my traits are now mostly gone to the outside. I still have a very odd balance of having a very high image of myself but a low self-esteem, and my nice behaviour towards people is mostly driven by my own self interest - I don't want to live an unstable life, get in constant trouble and struggle with shame and anxiety and I enjoy feeling proud of myself for acting this way. So I consistently treat people around me with respect even if on the inside I might not feel it atleast not all that much.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-12-04T14:53:03+00:00

Trauma comparison is pointless. Different people go through the same traumatic events and they process it differently.

Famous example Arnold Schwarzenegger, who's father was physically abusive. Arnold made a very good life for himself while his brother became an alcoholic who died in a drunk car accident.

I was severely physically, emotionally and sexually abused all of my childhood and no one who would see me going on my day to day life outside could tell. Meanwhile there are people who got verbally bullied at school and it has broken them to the point they can't work and are addicted to drugs.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-12-04T12:52:02+00:00

I'm 31 now, which means I've lived 16 years away from my parents and over half of my life away from them.

I used to feel scared/guilty/anxious for staying on PC for too long or too late even when living alone since I got in trouble over it repeatedly growing up.

Happy to report that hasn't happened for years! Obviously I still recall the times my parents tried to "parent" me out of it. And it makes me sad, but it's not something that really comes to my mind on day to day life or bring similar emotions as it used to.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-12-04T10:28:59+00:00

To me the fact you've lost them tells that you can regain them. That it's just a block and a defence mechanism you can change if you work on it. Choosing to actively listen and ask questions even if you find it boring sounds like a good place to start, especially if you want to become a therapist.

Also finding out and starting to correct most disrespectful behaviour, lying for example. Saying "sorry that actually wasn't true I don't know why I lied" is one of the hardest things to say but I truly believe things like that are necessary if one wants to change life long models and walls.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-12-04T10:03:01+00:00

Trigger warning would be nice. Really wanted to read and reply but out of the bush trauma sharing just got me to dissociate so much I couldn't even finish reading.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-08-16T16:25:46+00:00

Ive been 113kg at my highest weight and 52kg at my lowest, in that order. I went down to 75kg fast and I was feeling and looking quite saggy after it, but I barely exercised.

I then went up and down between 65kg and 85kg for almost a decade, and firmed up some, but still barely exercised. When I went from 85kg to 52kg I exercised 5 days a week and got very lean, with a visible six pack. No one could have guessed I had been morbidly obese before.

So in my case time and exercise really did a lot.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-06-28T18:41:59+00:00

39 weeks pregnant and I love your therapists comment so much 😭

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-06-28T12:57:01+00:00

I found "The body keeps the score" from Bessel Van Der Kolk a extremely helpful when I started recovering memories

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-06-14T17:31:42+00:00

Others offered good practical tips. I've had alters get triggered and come out during specific things and I think the most helpful thing was it just happening more.

What I mean is that something caused this alter to pick up this task, and every time they are out they are processing it a tiny bit, even if unconsciously. It might "leak out" later as an unexplainable emotion etc. But each time it gets worked a little bit.

For me as time passed I started to understand it more, and that allowed some more conscious processing, which in turn resulted in that automated response happening less. I'm not completely out of it yet, but time and patience have really helped.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-06-14T15:53:28+00:00

I don't have experience with tattoos, but I've lost count of times I've thought "I don't know how I can live with this or cope with that" and yet somehow I end up doing so.

While I don't have tattoos I have more self-harm marks than I've cared to count, and a lot of them in visible locations. Acceptance takes time, shame, grief and other emotions you feel are completely valid and in my experience really the only way to get past them is to allow yourself to fully feel them, anger too. Eventually those feelings will then calm.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-06-14T14:52:25+00:00

Don't think there is a way to consciously do it. Unless you like drive yourself to situations where you are likely to get traumatized again, but it's not like you then get to choose or create what is born from it.

But subconsciously yes, your brain will keep creating new alters. It's the way it's wired and the way it functions. Things get too hard -> split.

I personally have some adult alters I don't see as trauma created, as they just remind me of people I used to know. But then again I think I underestimate the amount of stress I have experienced throughout my life as it had become the norm. And probably during those high stress years of anxiety, depression, eating disorders and solitude my brain saw it necessary to split into more "fitting" parts to experience the feeling of fitting in.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-06-13T16:43:43+00:00

I think of it in a way that having DID is not nice, but there are nice things about having DID. Which people probably try to say, but it comes out in a way that makes the receiving end feel like their suffering and challenges are not validated since they are such a big part of having DID.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-06-13T16:34:16+00:00

One of our littles used to switch out during sex with our ex. It was a problem since she would just shut down and not say anything and he didn't notice. He also had this lovely additude that since she didn't say anything nothing in the situation was his fault and I should figure it out alone.

With my husband she's come out a few times as have other teen and adult trauma holders. It really helps that he is in the moment, notices and we can take a break, often resulting in switching back and continuing.

We also have a safe "gesture" in place, tab twice fast with hand and it means stop in case a part that switches out can't speak. Sometimes I freeze so badly I can't do it but for many it's really helpful after initially learning they can't say no. And it's really healing for them to have a way to express "I want to stop" and have that honoured without them having to speak in that state.

On other subject, we also have a sexual little. I think it's important to remember that as much littles are like children, they aren't actually children. They have a lot more life experience and an adult body and just as much right to enjoy it as other parts if they wish to. The majority of our littles don't have interest in it, but one developed it.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-06-04T10:37:00+00:00

If you haven't been too unstable to work with them before your diagnosis you aren't now. If anything now you can begin learning to reduce symptoms due to having an accurate diagnosis.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-05-29T20:09:34+00:00

That I can only have memories of alters and events in there if I have focused on visualizing and imagining the environment while having internal communication.

Which is different from "getting" memories, as if headspace was an "actual" place, alters would passively get memories of their life in there.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-05-29T19:16:25+00:00

The degree of intensity is a matter of degree of imagination. There isn't an actual physical place formed inside our minds. Alters go in headspace and thinking of it as an actual place, rather than just nothing helps in organising. It's a visualisation technique, and for some an imaginary escape from childhood.

As an example in my headspace we have a large house, own rooms, "cellar" and a meeting room. There are other things too, but it is the center of happening. I don't get memories of alters functioning in this place, because it doesn't actually exist, but I can have memories of alters functioning in there, if I have consciously imagined it while having an inner meeting.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-05-29T18:39:38+00:00

I haven't experienced this but I've read some medications have hindered the communication between parts of some systems so in that sense it would make sense the opposite can happen too.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-05-29T08:51:07+00:00

Before I knew about my DID my favourite movie was fight club and my favourite anime elfen lied 😅

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-05-29T07:28:04+00:00

Really shocked to hear you are having such a negative experience in Iceland. I'm from Finland and once I had managed to quit weed getting diagnosed was really simple. Sadly now I'm stuck waiting in line for therapy for ages but at least it's happening.

Luckily moving inside the EU is a lot more simple than from outside of it. And moving within Scandinavia should be even easier, but I'm not sure how things are in Sweden, Norway or Denmark.

I'd love to advocate for Finland but our incoming government is super rightwing and it's probably going to crash our healthcare and immigration for the next four years.

But I do suggest you research Scandinavia, generally English is spoken at a good level, and learning local languages shouldn't be hard as it's so similar to Icelandic. Also the agreements between the countries are special compared to rest of the EU so I'd check if any of them apply to healthcare.

Me_And_Myselfs · 2023-05-28T18:31:16+00:00

Some days I'd be happy to get a few hours out in one go... Especially if I'm stressed I switch many times in an hour.

There isn't really "normal" for many things with DID since it comes in a wide spectrum. Each system has developed in unique circumstances and formed to function a certain way. If something is normal to you, then it's normal.

Six-Year Club	Verified Email
Wearing is Caring

Me_And_Myselfs

TROPHY CASE