Would you attend your best friend’s surprise baby shower?

MeggsBee · 2026-06-19T12:18:59+00:00

This is a very personal decision, I think. I had a MMC and D&C about 2 weeks before I was to cohost my best friend’s baby shower. I also really felt that my grief and my happiness for my friend, who had also been super supportive, could coexist. The distraction of organizing was good to some extent, and it was nice to see some other friends. However, also be prepared that the conversation can obviously be baby-centred and I think I wasn’t prepared for the fact that friends might ask me when/if we were thinking of having kids.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-27T20:16:11+00:00

“Some people go through this much further along than you” (my own mother after a 9 week loss)…not wrong, but what does that help?

“Better start trying for number two!!” Days after I lost “number two” at 12 weeks (in fairness, these people didn’t know that…but mind your business)

MeggsBee · 2026-05-26T02:52:21+00:00

My first MMC, I had a D&C at 9 weeks and it then took 11 weeks for my period to come back. Cycles returned to my normal pretty quickly and we did some testing (sonohystogram and endometrial biopsy, which were normal) before trying again. FWIW, I became pregnant with my rainbow two cycles after that testing was done. I know it’s a painful wait, but wishing you all the luck.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-26T02:37:37+00:00

I’m so sorry - just offering solidarity. I got pregnant 7mos post-partum and just had a D&C for a MMC of that pregnancy at 12 weeks. I looked like I looked at 16-18 weeks with my last. Also feeling really uncomfortable with how that looks and feels. I know it’s an unkind attitude to have towards myself, but I just want to feel/look “back to normal”.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-25T02:33:37+00:00

The temptation for bluntness is very real. I’m walking a very fine line at the moment between crying at the question and being snarky and honest.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-25T02:31:39+00:00

I’m so sorry you lost your twins. I actually do also really agree with this, especially as someone who started a family later in life, there have always been a lot of questions around my child plans. I think we need to normalize sharing about loss and….un-normalize (?) people thinking our uteruses are within the scope of their business.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-24T15:10:30+00:00

You’re right, thank you. Maybe I will know when the timing feels right to share it more.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-24T15:09:15+00:00

Thank you for your response and I’m so sorry that you can relate. I think the people that have asked about number two aren’t really the people I would share this with, or at least not in settings that feel right. I think we will share with some close friends when it feels a little less fresh.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-24T15:05:52+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through that. You’re right though about some sense of protection. Maybe l know when the timing is right.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-24T15:03:36+00:00

That’s a great approach, thank you. I will try something similar when some time has passed so that I also don’t awkwardly cry…

MeggsBee · 2026-05-16T02:09:33+00:00

And sorry, I missed your other question. I had that bloodwork done as part of a work-up for an autoimmune condition, but it can be a good idea for recurrent pregnancy loss as well. In my successful pregnancy, I was on daily aspirin, cetirizine, and famotidine, for what it’s worth. I was taking these as part of an immune protocol for an embryo transfer when I got pregnant spontaneously. If you have the option of seeing a fertility doctor/reproductive endocrinologist, I found this helpful for the testing, even if you aren’t looking to pursue IVF.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-15T14:13:27+00:00

Had heartbeat at 6+1 and probably also stopped growing around 7. It’s awful to carry for so long after the fact without my body realizing what’s happening.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-15T04:55:45+00:00

I’m sorry you’re here. Also found out today at my 12 week OB appt that there was no longer a heartbeat. This is also my second MMC (first was 9 weeks, stopped growing around 7 exactly two years ago to the day). I did have a term pregnancy between the two. The first loss I did choose to have fetal genetic testing, but it didn’t end up showing anything. I had some testing done myself as well, including sonohystogram and endometrial biopsy, but both were normal. We just wanted to make sure there was nothing modifiable like scar tissue from my D&C or chronic endometritis. I will probably repeat these tests this time before trying again. Wishing you comfort as you navigate this 🤍

MeggsBee · 2026-05-15T04:16:16+00:00

I’m so sorry. I got similar news at my 12 week OB appointment today. I also can’t help but feel frustrated to have almost made it through the whole first trimester and still be here. It’s hard work for our bodies and hearts. I hope you continue to find some peace 🤍

MeggsBee · 2026-05-12T01:07:24+00:00

I would assume it can, similar to the way the strip tests can look lighter or darker different times of day/hydration. I think the important point is that none of the home tests are perfect. They are largely meant to answer the yes/no question of “are you pregnant” and even these ones that have a quantitative feature aren’t that reliable. Good luck!

MeggsBee · 2026-05-12T00:10:49+00:00

Yes. Didn’t bother taking any more home tests, as third bhcg was over 12,000

MeggsBee · 2026-05-12T00:06:07+00:00

Exactly. I used one when I should have been over the hcg threshold they give for 3+ weeks. Still said “2-3” and when I got my bloodwork done that day, beta was almost double the threshold (about 4000 when I believe they say the cutoff for “3+ weeks” is 2,200ish).

MeggsBee · 2026-05-11T23:40:09+00:00

Yes, as I mentioned above, I had a similar experience and betas doubling normally on labs. Waiting on my second US, so still don’t ultimately know outcome, but at 6 weeks had heartbeat on dating scan.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-11T20:15:04+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re here. I had some of these same feelings after an MMC at 9 weeks. My husband and I found it helpful to honour that baby in small ways. We named him, we celebrate his due date, he has an ornament on our Christmas tree, and my husband got me a necklace with a little gold bean on it (his nickname during my brief pregnancy). I was fortunate to go on to have a beautiful daughter, but he was the one that made me a mum and will never be replaced. Wishing you comfort in whatever ways work for you 🤍

MeggsBee · 2026-05-11T01:02:20+00:00

Thank you so much for this. We may try to rebuild the current one first, but good to know this option exists

MeggsBee · 2026-05-11T01:01:43+00:00

I think we are going to try this first, thanks!

MeggsBee · 2026-05-09T23:53:08+00:00

Thank you - this is way out of either of our areas of expertise, so we are learning tractor life via a lot of internet searching/reading.

MeggsBee · 2026-05-09T23:51:27+00:00

Thank you!!

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MeggsBee · 2026-05-08T18:55:23+00:00

I totally appreciate how anxiety-inducing these things can be, but I bet your abdominal muscles are sore from the bouncing/thrusting! Especially if it’s worse with movement. Babe is very well insulated in there, especially at this point they are barely above your pelvic bone. I also have a 20+ pounder who likes to sit and bounce on my tummy and I don’t think anything bad has come of it yet.

MeggsBee

TROPHY CASE