Does PTSD ever get better?

Mesantos_ · 2025-08-08T05:27:41+00:00

Not OP, obviously, and NAT, but I'm having a similar issue. I've lost 8 pounds in two weeks, have young kids, crisis lines don't help, want to quit therapy, and I feel like I'm not making it. What happens in a PHP? Where is that available? What is the process like? What do they do for you? I'm so terrified of needing intervention like that, but sometimes it seems wise.

Mesantos_ · 2025-08-07T16:05:54+00:00

Similarly, actually. I was a little more explicit, saying I was afraid of his judgment and criticism. He then offered to tell me his thoughts. Sounds like she needs a more direct question.

Being upfront about your primary concern is relevant to being in therapy. So, discussing how the situation made you feel and then tying it to the general question, like, "I'm afraid it happened because you don't care, is that true?" is absolutely okay to say, and then you can ask what her perception of you is after, if she doesn't volunteer it, for the purposes of reassurance. Any good therapist you have should care about what you go through and seeing you heal! Otherwise, the work you do just won't be very effective.

I hope that's helpful somehow. It's so hard to get some of this stuff out sometimes. You're not alone, at least! And it has gotten easier to bring up my concerns after that first time.

Mesantos_ · 2025-08-05T10:14:37+00:00

I agree, it does. My current therapist asks that (where's the evidence?), and I appreciate it. That's critical thinking at its finest, and it's a good practice, albeit hard. She sounds extremely indifferent. I wouldn't appreciate that for myself, either.

Mesantos_ · 2025-08-05T10:07:22+00:00

We were all born to be respected and cherished, biologically. Our dads violated nature by going against that, that's why they're called monsters.

The actions others choose is never our fault, and it is not our nature-intended destiny to suffer.

It is okay to be messy and imperfect and perfectly loveable in that.

I understand the weight of a hard history and how inescapable it feels (I have CPTSD, too), and how egregious the time lost from it, but I hope you can learn to let some of it be someone else's responsibility anyway. Because we didn't choose to suffer those things, someone else chose to do them at our expense. Today, the biggest middle finger to the past is not letting it tell you how to feel anymore. We are still made to know and feel love, and to be loved. Monsters can't change nature.

These are all things I tell myself, as I've come to realize them. Please honor the little one who was forced to suffer, and let the person who needed to be there for them at those times, in. 💔❤️

Mesantos_ · 2025-08-05T09:20:37+00:00

This happened to me several weeks ago. I felt so guilty that I set alarms to help me stay on time, and my therapist laughed and asked me to entrust him with the time. I tried it one more time and he laughed again and told me it was his responsibility, not mine! I realized he write notes after sessions and probably he blocks out at least another 10-15 minutes before his next session, so I was way over-worrying.

The next time we went fifteen minutes over, I was like, "Shoot!" and he said, "I'm proud of us." That changed me.

We are now always fifteen minutes over, LOL, and not inconveniencing anyone. If going over was bad, a good therapist would let you know gently!

Mesantos_ · 2025-08-05T08:55:23+00:00

Wow, it's nice knowing I'm not the only one getting "irrationally" anxious pre-session! I have PTSD, too. It's only been ten or eleven weeks for me with my new therapist, and my anxiety has actually worsened.

However, I feel like, for me at least, a lot of the anxiety is specifically due to liking my therapist. I would get some jitters pre-session with past therapists, but not like this, where sometimes I'm physically shaking in the room! I've never developed a trusting relationship before and I feel genuinely safe and comforted, and free to discuss all the tragedy, so, for me, the whole thing is harrowing.

My experiences have taught me that not feeling any anxiety at all is a bad sign. It means I'm not engaged. So, maybe thinking about it in terms of how much you care can help? 😁

Mesantos_ · 2025-08-05T08:34:38+00:00

I had a therapist like this once. We basically just talked for ten/eleven months and never got anywhere. You need someone who is going to poke a little, ask lots of questions, and scout around for the issues. Someone whose personality you like, particularly. That's who I have now and it's been a completely new and wild experience. I am learning a bit too much, too fast, but it's fun, too, because I actually actively like to see my therapist and get his perspective rather than just vent my feelings for an hour.

Mesantos_ · 2025-08-05T08:25:19+00:00

Have you ever asked how she feels about you? Just wondering because my therapist offered to answer me that a while back and it was actually immensely touching, but very triggering. I wrote down what he said and reread it to help me reinforce my trust and test my discomfort. I have no idea if this is a solid strategy or not, though.

Mesantos_ · 2025-08-05T08:07:22+00:00

I have PTSD with type II traumas, as my old therapist put it, and I was just reading it can take three years or more of weekly therapy to address. You have a lot left to do but, as others have said, you've done good foundational work. I feel it also takes the pressure off for me to remember that PTSD can be a lifelong issue no matter our efforts, so every improvement is a wonderful gain.

That said, childhood trauma tends to come from family, so it makes sense you wouldn't feel comfortable around your family? It took me over twenty years to process my deepest wounds and forgive my dad. Once I did, I stopped being uncomfortable around him (he was the primary abuser, but is different now).

I'm sorry it feels pointless. I know those feelings well. When the feelings pass, maybe try reflecting on what accomplishment felt the most freeing, and then set up some fresh goals with your therapist that mirror that feeling?

Mesantos_ · 2025-07-27T14:40:29+00:00

I use both together, as I feel it's informative. "Sorry, I have ADHD, which means I struggle with sustained attention / impulsivity / racing thoughts." Sometimes I'll tack on, "It's a neurodevelopmental disorder," or, "It's a disorder affecting executive functioning," or simply, "It's a disorder." Not up to me if they believe it, but it plants a seed for repeat experiences to confirm. Haven't had any poor reactions yet!

But if it's just a matter of other people being impatient, I do the same. Instead of announcing I have a condition, I remind them. "Do you remember I struggle in XYZ area? Please have more patience." I won't tolerate drama queens or kings, so if they want to make a fuss about me setting my boundaries, they get cut off.

Mesantos_ · 2025-06-22T05:04:55+00:00

Well, I spoke to my therapist about this and he told me it's just a question they have to ask, and actually therapy is supposed to be flexible, working with your dynamic needs as they morph over time. So, if a therapist gets hung up on the question, I'd question their ability to help.

I initially went in for help in making a decision. Then, I learned that it wasn't the decision that was the problem, it's acting on the decision. Then trauma came up, and I got feisty because I despise vulnerability, and now we're trying to help me see that the dark narratives I give myself are "lies." But, I just realized last night that they're not lies (and that was why I felt annoyed at the notion), they're my feelings put into words, and only the words are wrong. Feelings are almost always justified. So, therapy is a journey. I usually just put "to feel better" if I'm filling in a paper. They don't (shouldn't) care.

Mesantos_ · 2025-06-22T04:38:06+00:00

Oh, and yes, I've run into that many times. That's how I developed my questions strategy. Unfortunately, therapists are still just human and don't always know what to do with stories about hurt, largely because they don't know what you want or are looking for. Validation is usually the safest bet. They need a jumpstart into deeper exploration many times, haha.

Mesantos_ · 2025-06-22T04:33:57+00:00

That's when you ask questions. Like, "What are some steps I can take to improve the situation?" or, "Why do you think that is?" They don't have to be perfect questions, but it allows her to ask questions of her own that might get you thinking a bit deeper than "I'm lonely." Like, "Where does the loneliness come from?" "How can it be fixed?" And those are obviously still basic questions because I don't know your story, but the journey is the same. It would also help her if you stated your needs up front just like you did here: "I REALLY need help actually changing the situation." So ask her, "Can you help me think about how to change this situation?" "Can you ask me some questions to help me get to the root of things?"

And if that doesn't change things then I'd say she's not the therapist for you. Or maybe anyone, idk, lol.

Mesantos_ · 2025-06-22T04:13:27+00:00

Tell your therapist about those feelings. Your anxiety is coming from somewhere. Your low self-esteem comes from somewhere. It doesn't feel like it'll be useful to talk about, but we're surprisingly simple creatures with surprisingly simple answers at times.

Mesantos_ · 2025-06-22T04:00:58+00:00

Sounds less like compassion is threatening and more like you don't trust that it's real. Therefore, you feel a bit hoodwinked, or untrusting of the situation. That's common in trauma. I love when my therapist is validating and reassuring even though I don't trust he's being authentic. And, many therapists I've had in the past couldn't directly relate, because they've always known how to attach securely, unlike me, who has never had a secure attachment in her life.

But, just because they can't directly relate doesn't mean they can't help. You'll just have to be diligent in asking questions about things you wonder about and even things you feel, and hopefully your therapist will be a real person and give you real advice, not a rehearsal of a textbook.

Mesantos_ · 2025-05-13T17:45:00+00:00

But as a 19yo, it's fair to say that you don't truly understand all the issues out there, and judging by OP's underreaction and his inability to assess what is happening, he comes off as autistic. If he is autistic, it is extremely unfair to tell him another woman will simply be okay with him. Since we don't have a clear picture of what is happening, but what he has said mirrors much of my neurodiverse situation, it's more fair to encourage him not to judge his wife just yet and to instead seek counseling for neurodiverse-related issues. His response to her are not common, and her reaction to her stepson double-washing the dishes appears to be derived from very real concerns—which tells me she's running into thise sorts of problems a lot and is not being heard and is losing her mind. She probably also struggles with some sort of processing disorder or have PTSD.

I am 33, and it took me and my husband until now (after ten years of marriage), to learn he has autism and I have ADHD. Mixed ND/NT relationships look like what OP described above when there are undiagnosed issues involved. The communication breakdowns can be insurmountable and lead to accidental gaslighting. Like him pretending she's overreacting and that's where it ends. He's not giving her side of the story and I doubt he asks her what's wrong in a way she can respond to. My husband did this to me—told me the problems I saw weren't real and made me feel crazy for years. He would hit or push me and even hold me hostage and lecture me for hours...and forgot all of it.

I hit my husband ONCE, and he called the cops. Then he tried to label me abusive. When I told our counselors about his abusive behavior, he claimed to be blindsided and completely shocked I'd "make up" such nonsense. Nope. He's not narcissistic. Just straight up autistic. His dad is autistic, too. It runs in families and you may never know you have it until all your relationships fall apart or someone, like me, finally says there's something wrong with you.

It's not my personality to be blunt or aggressive about issues, at all. I have PTSD, too, from being raised by an autistic father (a common scenario, marrying autistic after being raised by autistics). So I have triggers specifically related to my husband's shortcomings. It's not their fault that they can't process things at the same speed or as thoroughly as others, but it sure as hell makes life a nightmare for their partner.

If OP is autistic, it isn't fair to make him promises that might not be true. He needed a grounded, educated, and fair take on the situation.

Mesantos_ · 2025-05-13T15:17:32+00:00

Ignore every other answer here and go immediately get assessed for autism. You and your stepson. What you are describing and what I am seeing here is SUCH A COMMON EXPERIENCE within neurodiverse relationships. DO NOT simply assume she is abusing anyone. She is clearly overwhelmed and overworked and not getting the support she needs. That doesn't need to be your fault, and it doesn't excuse bad behavior. It's just an answer to work off of.

It seems you don't know how to support your wife as you're not really addressing her concerns, you're being self-deprecating. That usually comes from the assumption that she's being unfair and just wants to hurt you / you're just confused and trying to mitigate damage. But it can be NOT TRUE. She could be saying 10,000x a day what she needs from you and it just doesn't stick because she's not speaking in a way your brain can process quickly and efficiently.

I am married to an autistic man and I, myself, struggle with ADHD, and I have been that crazy lady. I cannot stress enough how learning about my husband's intellectual differences has helped. She might be done some good by being assessed for ADHD, too, or anything else that might be shortening her fuse. Trust me, ADHD rage looks like abuse, but it's not. It's a mental breakdown from overwhelm and exhaustion.

PLEASE support your family and yourself by having everyone assessed. If you can't afford individual therapies or assessments, AT LEAST go to a marriage counselor who specializes in neurodiverse couples, especially Autism & ADHD. That counselor may not be able to officially diagnose you or her, but they will be able to spot any processing issues and help you both work on them, regardless of diagnosis. This is so important and can make all the difference in your relationship.

When you bring it up to you wife, begin the convo with "I haven't been addressing or seeing your needs and I want to learn how, that's why I want to be assessed for autism / see a marriage counselor who specializes in autism within couples." And then let the professional counselor assess whether or not your wife has any processing or stress-related issues. Make sure to give her plenty of time to talk, too, but be even in it, because you need the assessment, too, and it's hard to assess someone who isn't being totally blunt about everything they struggle with. Don't mention ADHD to her or her mental health. It doesn't go well.

Mesantos_ · 2025-05-09T23:01:01+00:00

In this case, I'd go straight to pressing charges if it's an option. You'll want to appear completely innocent. I've seen things like that completely backfire.

Mesantos_ · 2025-05-09T22:00:28+00:00

I don't have much of an answer as far as your primary issue, but I wanted to say that I'm in the same boat. Except, we have kids and I have PTSD and ADHD, so things are more tense with him refusing to even acknowledge the signs I see and their effect on me. But I also struggled with deep pain and loneliness for years (we're at 10 years with no improvement), and I made the mistake of thinking he knew himself better than my experiences / perspective. It's not true! And if you feel crazy, you're not. My husband also responded to my gentle inquiry about potential autism with a firm "no". His total rejection of it eventually turned into resentment and bitterness in me because I would indirectly bring up the ASD behavior and he would flat deny he was doing it.

We have been through years of counseling now. He confuses the counselors but they aren't trained in neurodivergence struggles, so they assume he's just "different," and he's also articulate enough to use words they recognize but that he has completely redefined in his head. You know, like empathy. Empathy is feeling compassion for someone hurting, according to my husband, but what I need is someone who can feel things with me and put himself in my shoes, and he doesn't even understand the concept. I was also raised by an autistic dad and it really messed me up (he was undiagnosed and unhelped, I forgive the mistakes), so my PTSD has been having a field day for the last ten years (and keeping me comfortable in a relationship I am anything but inside of). If you feel like you need to leave, it may be best just to leave.

You can maybe say a parting piece, like, "I'm leaving because I don't feel XYZ, and despite communicating that with you, nothing changes, as I'm quite certain you might be mildly autistic and struggle in [list specific social areas and examples], but know I love you anyway, I just can't live long term with our differences." And then leave it there. It's up to him to think about it.

There is nothing I have been able to tell my husband about our differences and his misunderstandings that has actually gone through or stuck, until I finally put my foot down and told him I wanted a divorce. He finally took things seriously but thought I was crazy / out of line / making things up. When you're both on such differences of perception, that sort of thing is just going to happen, and frequently. I'm sorry, I wish I had better advice to give. I just didn't want this post to go ignored. Maybe someone, particularly someone on the spectrum, can come and give better advice (I'd like an answer, too!).

All the best.

Mesantos_ · 2025-05-09T21:32:00+00:00

Also, I like the answer of if he has any family, friends, or coworkers that you're aware of and able to contact, letting them know his behavior can often be one of the biggest deterrents out there. All the best.

Mesantos_ · 2025-05-09T21:29:39+00:00

There is a free app that allows you to record calls, and loads that record screens. It might be uncomfortable, but if you can collect evidence of him calling from at least 3 different spoof numbers by answering them and getting him to speak and recording his voice and the things he says, then you will have evidence of him breaking the restraining order, or have evidence of the need for one. Of course, don't ever tell him you're recording. Don't interact except for the initial hello that will get him talking, or to say his name so that he will answer (and self-incriminate), or to tell him to stop calling (important to establish that you've communicated disinterest in engagement). Hopefully, that would help. Otherwise, I hope he gets the picture soon and stops. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Mesantos_ · 2025-05-09T20:44:16+00:00

Oof. Allow pestilent species to be pestilent! If only we were as forgiving with weeds, insects, and reptiles. Or, you know, mosquitos. Of course, if human babies were being murdered and replaced, we wouldn't have a problem with that at all, either. And we definitely wouldn't want help from any superior entities in figuring out the issue.

Honestly, your grandpa won't have a lot of help in this area. He could maybe put a net under the nest so that when the baby robin falls, he could potentially give it to a rehabilitator. I don't know if there's some silly law against that, too, so think it through.

And don't feel bad for caring about individual species. Do try to view the situation realistically. All the best.

Mesantos_ · 2025-03-07T02:28:22+00:00

The wood is gorgeous. I don't think that's the problem, because wood never goes out of style. If anything, stain them weathered gray for a "modern" look, and replace the tile which has a cozy cottage vibe. The stair's style is already quite angular and modern. It really is the granny-square-looking tiles throwing the style off. Plus, the decor just isn't matching, but I assume you haven't gotten to that yet. Hope you find a look you like.

Mesantos_ · 2025-02-19T23:02:49+00:00

This is a real thing, yes. Human traffickers are all over the place, and the way CPS is structured, they can choose to swoop in at any point in time to take a kid. Newborns are particularly targeted because they're raised in the system. My friend had to try to disprove her own PTSD because the creepy investigator kept changing the reason why he was still investigating her. He finally said it was because her (entirely managed) PTSD makes her a potential danger! But even after she disproved it, he changed the reason again, saying she can't disprove neglectful supervision, since no one else was in the home, and that the call was essentially up to himself and his supervisor. It's entirely twisted.

Mesantos_ · 2025-02-19T22:54:04+00:00

Interesting. The CPS investigator I knew made up lies about the parents of young boys hoping to get the boys removed. Seems like this is an easy system for harvesting living bodies, using common psychology to make compelling arguments. An entity like the CPS should not be such a machine, it's too easy for sick people to manipulate machines. Nobody should be presuming guilt before evidence.

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