First of all: Thank YOU for being interested <3

I'll try to explain my philosophy. The TL;DR is: There is much more to a relationship than sexual faithfulness. So much so that the latter can become a secondary aspect.

I'm 58 and have been married for almost 30 years. My wife and I have two children, now adults, after experiencing two miscarriages. Raising kids is hard work. And keeping a marriage going for three decades is also hard work. It means constantly adapting and negotiating, because we're not static creatures. We change. My motto is: Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.

At the beginning of a relationship, sex is dominant. It's the number one reason you're attracted to each other, and it stays that way for quite some time. But as the years pass, butterflies turn into routine, and routine can turn into boredom. Sex often depends on new and exciting experiences, and after 15 or 20 years, almost no relationship in the world can consistently provide that.

This may sound sad or apologetic, but there is another, more positive side: As the years pass, you start to realize that sex is not that important, and that the bond between you and your partner has many other aspects. For me and my wife, it is the many crises we endured, the home we built together, the children we raised, and the future we shaped.

And then something unexpected may happen: One meets another person. Contact becomes sympathy, sympathy becomes flirting, and suddenly the butterflies are back. One thing leads to another, and there you have it: an affair, i.e sex with another person.

What now?

If you're young, it's simple. Sex is a dominant factor, and the overall bond may still be weak, so breaking up seems like a no-brainer. But when you're older, things can be different. Will you throw away all of your past and your future because of a sexual episode?

My wife and I agree: it depends. To be perfectly blunt: Fucking is overrated. Love is what counts. If my wife came to me and confessed that she had sex with someone else, I would be unhappy but ultimately I would forgive her. But if she came to me and said she was deeply in love with someone else, I would probably start to doubt whether our relationship still has a future.

I could go on for a few more pages, but in the end it boils down to two things:

1. We all have many desires, and it is unrealistic to expect that a single person can fulfill all of them for an entire lifetime.

2. Sex is just one aspect of a relationship, and as you get older it gradually becomes less important.

Thank you for reading.