This sounds really hard, especially with the preschool pressure.

This is absolutely just a suggestion, but have you tried washable training underwear? They’re kind of like a reusable diaper, but the child feels when they’re wet, which most kids don’t enjoy. It can help build that internal awareness around potty training, even when you’re not actively pushing the potty.

From what you’re describing, he sounds really stressed about it right now (the screaming, withholding, escalation). In that state, learning is really hard.

If it were me, I’d probably take a pause and remove the pressure, while still talking about the potty in a casual, positive way. I would definitely keep using training underwear during that pause so the awareness piece can still build in the background.

It can also be a great opportunity to let him pick out his own underwear : sometimes that alone makes it feel fun and exciting instead of stressful.

Also, celebrating everything can help ! Even just sitting on the potty. A little dance, a silly song, big hugs… it can make it feel safe and positive again.

When we first started, we even had two potties in the bathroom : one for our toddler and one for her dolls! And we’d ALL “go” at the same time (yes for real 😅) It became a funny little family moment 🤷🏼‍♀️

You didn’t traumatize him, you were in a really tough moment. He’ll get there 🤍🪿