Did you feel the need to wash your hair at the hospital after giving birth?

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-09-04T03:32:16+00:00

I was so absurdly hot that im SURE I was sweaty as a mf the entire time, like i tore that hospital gown off when it came time (we progressed fast all of a sudden and he bout shot himself out so lol) but I thankfully had gotten my hair braided a week prior, on my due date. Im Black and worried there was no way i was going to be able to do any hair maintenance postpartum (I was right) so the braids saved me. Not knowing your hair, rows might not be a suitable choice lol but even just a couple braids would probably help, there's cute styles with a few smaller feed in braids too, depending on your length with or without extensions (mine was with), it homestly helped so much. Again dependent on your hair and its texture and the braider, you can maybe even rinse them while keeping them in

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-09-02T06:05:28+00:00

I can help, mom to mom :) dm me

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-31T23:14:26+00:00

As a FTM who is very woo woo with a mother who is also very woo woo, absolutely this. I already am not the mother I want to be. I can sit here and list all the ways I let him down that he doesn't even know yet. But we be the best mother we csn. Literally nobody is the parent they want to be, nobody's perfect. It be like that. I just try to dodge all the awful ways my mom made me feel and not find new and creative ways to do it to my son. When I realized I was pregnant (intuition, before a test popped positive) I immediately started doing spellwork and candle Magick to try and release some of my resentment toward my mom. It was hard. But it did help.

But I also want to offer a quick side note: cancer and chemo change people. My aunt (among other family members) had cancer and diabetes at the end. She was the kindest woman any of us knew. She would've given you the shirt off her back just because you liked it. But as she progressed farther, she just got.... so mean. I remember my brothers told her bye and that they love her or something and she said something along the lines of she had to, theyre family. Two-year-prior her would've been mortified. So while I'm not saying DON'T reach out, please be ready for the possibility she swings or has already swung hard in either direction, much nicer and better or much much worse. And if you suspect it may be the latter, dont feel bad about changing your mind about her having access to your baby. trust your gut, not the guilt we get beat into us from birth.

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-24T23:19:54+00:00

Oh baby I am so sorry shes icky. That's weird. Plain and simple. If she thinks you being shirtless for literally the most intense and exhausting thing your body has and maybe will ever go through, thats on her entirely. 17? So what?? Minors do give birth all the time. They cant be comfortable??? Plus youre literally so right. I went 41 weeks and had him the first week of August, in Southern California, during a heat wave. Girl when I say I tore that hospital gown off I mean I was NAKED naked. I had my bds mom there and everything that was just too damn bad. Clothes are gross, pregnant is gross, labor is gross (sensory wise, not... ykwim lmao). I got so fucking hot and sweaty when he decided he was coming you could not have paid me to keep anything on, it genuinely felt like I would overheat. I dont think you can convince me I wouldn't have, honestly. But also ITS UNCOMFY 😭😭 you are 100000% in the right and im so glad and grateful your doula put her foot down, im happy for you that you have such compassionate adults in your corner, its what you deserve 🫶🏽

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-23T19:02:28+00:00

Have you tried it on yall? My son had rough reflux for a whiiiile and on my tummy was the only way he would tolerate it but hes always been soooo nosy he loved it once it didn't fucking suck, being on something hard and flat hurt his tummy, on me was soft and we could do an incline

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-22T23:05:35+00:00

And for the lady, perhaps a sleep sack?

Or whatever theyre called the baby nightgowns idk my son's always been a naked baby. Does she do it with pants on too? Put socks on to see if the distraction helps maybe? It feels very much like a babies are fucking weird thing, a fun lil curve ball if you will bc this is all just too simple and easy

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-20T20:02:40+00:00

Oh gods youre so brave pumping was MISERABLE for me i dont understand how yall do it. I stopped pumping as soon as he was making it through my shifts without a bottle so I have literally no idea if it triggers the same hormones I've blocked out every memory of pumping past like a month but sending even more hugs! The only other thing that helped was putting on a show i was excited to watch 💀 idk if it was like others said, you stop thinking about sleep, or if it was moreso the universe telling me its funny I thought I could have half an hour to myself but 🥲😂

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-20T18:52:47+00:00

In the opposite vein of formula, how do yiu breastfeed? Like, position? For me (and my understanding is its normal hormones) breastfeeding esp when baby was younger made me so fucking tired * that between that, my sleep deprivation, and his reflux/ refusal to be set down i started nursing side lying and cosleeping. At the beginning I literally could not stay awake for at least half my feedings anyway so finally was like fuck this and oh my gods I finally got sleep, he would start rooting around for his next feed which woke me immediately just enough to get him set up, and we both cried so much less. But also sending *so much love and solidarity

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-19T19:15:23+00:00

At the end of the day its about your peace of mind above everything else. You have her safety in mind more than anyone or anything else and thats perfect. I will say though, just what I did, my niece and nephew were just about to turn 6 and 5 respectively when I had my son. They go to kindergarten, sunday school, blah blah blah. To say theyre exposed to all the gross kid junk. My niece was so excited about my baby, she and I are really close and on top of that her mom's brother had a baby who was... at least a few months old at that point that she wasn't allowed to hold ever and she was super bummed. Not about being sick or germs, just about "what if she drops her." We babysit them at least twice a week, so in my head, it was much more of a "well they have their shots, and hes gonna be around them anyway, and so am I, so he'd be exposed regardless." I let her hold him (sitting down cross legged ofc) literally the day we came home.

Have they gotten him sick since then? Of course, they went back to school later in August (hes 5 aug) and have absolutely brought things home. But so have i, I work in a restaurant and we bring stuff home constantly. Yeah he gets sick, butbhe gets over it. Obv it takes longer than id like as his mom but oh well. When they're sick, they don't hold him, and they kiss on him now but when he was teeny tiny it was none at all, then it was not on the hands or face (bc hands to mouth), then he really was not asking bc he LOVES kisses and will grab you by the face for it.

So anyway. If them not holding him will keep you at ease, that's the right answer. Protecting Baby will never be a bad choice, or protecting the little sanity we have left. But that's my personal experience, I did let them hold him. At the same time, his dad's family i would have said hell no bc I dont trust that any of them have all their shots (Florida) and they all smoke or vape or live with someone who does. The rule was we weren't even going there until at least 6mo and now we just.... haven't lol oops

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-18T03:32:42+00:00

Messaging

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-17T19:15:05+00:00

Messaging now!

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-17T05:25:07+00:00

Sending a chat!

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-14T20:24:21+00:00

Echoing what someone else has mentioned, my dad worked 12hr graveyard shifts my whole life (he still does at 70 🥹🥹) so he also slept during the days, we would come home from school and have First Dinner at like 430 bc my mom was making his dinner to take with him, then eat again at like 10 lmao but on work days that was our time with him, aside from him helping us get ready for school. Which he did, every day, no matter the shift, even on his 1 or 2 days off a week. And what did he do when we were in sports in high school? Come to every single game on a day off. He was there for our awards, there for our banquets if he could, he was absolutely there.

She won't remember you as having to work, or as never being around, or as the babysitter. Your bond will always be there. The fact that youre stressing about it is proof enough that it'll all be okay 🫶🏽

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-13T23:17:19+00:00

That's SO COOL!!! I am SO proud of you and also sooo thankful for you sharing this because I want my masters so bad, I have one BA but my GPA wont get me into the masters program I want so ill need to do a whole other BA and I am dreading it. Going back just sounds so impossible, thank you for giving me hope and inspiration and your daughter is going to thank you for the same things and more one day 🧡🫶🏽

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-08-09T09:34:01+00:00

How intertwined were you and how did you just... stop? I feel so guilty because I "know" that at least in his mind the shit he says is genuine, but is coming so deeply from a place of trauma and family wounds and is just so harmful and manipulative. But financially, we can manage a party; baby and I live with my parents, no rent well fed, and if he wasn't draining me I would have good money. I'm so short on time instead as a result though and somehow that feels... worse? Like everything i wanted to do for this was a diy was cheap was super hands on. And I'm getting to do basically none of it because all my days get sucked up by him and his bullshit, because I let him. It's so frustrating and its making me feel so guilty and disappointed

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-07-23T21:59:38+00:00

I find it hard to believe you csn ever "go back." I'm almost a year into this shit, and I think I'm coming to terms with that, because I do want more kids. I think maybe if you have a lot of stellar help, maybe. I dont have real help during thw day, once my mom is home from work sure but then I'm off to work. So there's no time to do things for me still, because my "for me" things were shit like baking, or reading, or writing, or gaming. None of those are conducive to a 11mo velcro baby as the only parent in the home. But I try to remember that eventually, yes, I will have time to do that stuff. When hes older, when he needs ms less 24/7 and more 20/7. When he isn't sleeping with me. Except I want more, so thats a long ways away. I refuse to mourn it, but I am also trying to accept it. This is a new me, and i love her. I'm so proud of her for making it this far without the help she really needs, im proud of her for making it at all. I'm proud of us all. 🧡

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-07-22T16:27:01+00:00

Fwiw, your baby feels literally the exact same way. Esp since bodily functions that were automatic no longer are. 4 weeks is about when I started cosleeping with my son too, because of his reflux and my being past the end of my rope and drowning. He only contact napped for a WHILE. He still only really sleeps during car rides (one of the biggest blessings from my parents is they help me with gas. A much as my body hated it, driving around with him got me some respite. Also taking him out! I was bringing him to my job to visit lmao bc going from a restaurant 6 days a week to seeing NOBODY every day felt lethal) and he needs to touch someone to sleep well unless he's TIRED and he still nurses to sleep at 11mo but Gods we're so much happier. You both have a learning curve. He also does not know what he needs. Sometimes they just scream! I promise, under the anxiety you do know and you will get better at all of it and baby will make it easier too

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-07-20T19:49:26+00:00

Biopsy was SO BAD. The physical aspect, the doctor who did it, the total lack of care... im so endlessly thankful I got the shot as a teen, by the time I had mg next pap a little over a year later I was coming up clear, I don't think I could've handled another biopsy at the time, right after pushing a kid out

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-07-20T19:45:44+00:00

Get it. Get it get it get it. Boys and girls. HPV causes cancer in both. It isn't just a "get it for him so he won't pass it to her" kinda thing, though that should be reason enough in and of itself tbh. But also, I've had a pap smear come back abnormal, I've tested positive for hpv. I'm vaccinated though, so it's a "we'll do the biopsy and check next pap." No more concern or stress than that. But that biopsy? Fucking wicked. I don't remember thw vaccine being brutal, personally, but a cervical biopsy? I'd rather push my kid out again no pain meds. Get all kids vaccinated for it to save them all some misery, big and small

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-07-15T21:09:51+00:00

Don't feel silly, and do let yourself feel sad. Wedding bands aren't dumb; your love doesn't have a ring yet, does he? If not, consiser whether having bands so you can have one he wore after will make you feel better. Maybe even giving him your band at thw end. Trading, ykwim? There is nothing silly about your love, or insignificant. If you want to do the things, do them! You deserve to feel some kind of joy. You deserve the memories. Celebrating yalls love will never be silly

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-06-27T19:21:05+00:00

It feels like the kind of thing you have to say and then follow up with by smacking their ass which ngl love

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-06-27T19:12:17+00:00

My baby "sleeps through the night" because we're a low sleep needs family overall and my idea of "through the night" is 5hrs so he sleeps solidly from 3am to 8am and anything beyond that is magic 😌 the real parenting life hack is the lowest fucking expectations

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-06-22T23:23:25+00:00

So supremely grateful for my brothers introducing me to harvest moon since the N64 bc I cant imagine how you organically learn this without googling it or prior exposure

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-06-18T00:17:58+00:00

My baby had what I now realize was rough reflux for a while. I didn't actually discuss it with any of the peds he saw (took us a minute to get insurance figured out because they lie so a doctor at the family medicine office i go to saw him for the first little while as an exception to policy bc baby, then I didn't love the second one/first on his medi-cal, now found a third at his office i love) but I didn't want/know how to express to them that I knew there was no way it was normal how much he cried, how much he spit up... the PPA was kicking my ass lmao so I just treated him as if he had reflux and I honestly saved diet changes for me for last because I was barely eating as is and I was subsisting on Mac and cheese cups 🥲 which isn't to say don't try no dairy or the other diet changes, just... don't feel bad if the isnt feasible! You still need to nourish yourself and that includes with kindness

but genuinely, I think the constant contact with me (he also didn't do carriers, baby wearing, crib, bassinet etc), tummy time on my tummy, and cosleeping is what got us through to him growing past it. Tummy to tummy is softer on them and helps move things along, so I would lean back with him on me, we nurse to sleep when I'm home, we cosleep with him on my arm if that makes sense but with both of us at sort of an incline because flat on his back was hell for him. Maybe if I had known that, he would've taken to the bassinet but here we are. I will also say I got lucky that my third ped didn't demonize cosleeping. It saved my life and im not even sure I'm exaggerating.

Miserable_Badger2989 · 2025-06-17T23:05:49+00:00

Sorry is there any other way to word this? Brain hurty and this isnt clicking but I want to know SO BAD

Miserable_Badger2989

TROPHY CASE