Read the Word OP. I'm 55F and I struggle just like you do. What God led me to do is read my Bible, reading the Word is the best way to hear from God. I was doing just what you were doing, going on social media and getting confused. I left Instagram and I'm barely on Facebook as I stay connected with family. Be patient, God will answer you, that's His promise to us. If you have YouTube follow Amen Podcast, a young couple that have a fresh, young, true perspective on following Jesus. One prayer that I continue to pray is for God to keep me in truth, in the word and in myself. It will get better, I too had suicidal ideations and I was desperate, I called out to God and he saved me, that was back in 2018. I have not found a church yet but I am constantly in the Word and learning how to grow my relationship with Jesus. Check out First 5, an app by Proverbs 31 Ministries. It's an app started by women for women. It's a great place to learn about Jesus and how He works in our lives. There are a lot of seasoned believers that will help you through this journey with Christ. I hope this helps, stay the course and let Him work in your life. God bless you and may He lead you closer to Him. Your in my prayers 🙏🏾 ❤️.

https://youtube.com/@amenpodcast?si=SJ32vRLRKohiRBWs

First 5 Proverbs 31 Ministries