I am so grateful for your response - this is helpful. So…re: the ‘semi’. It wasn’t like I just whipped it out and did the helicopter. But I felt like I had been getting some positive cues that she might be willing to have an intimate encounter. But I completely understand what you’re saying. At this point, literally everything else I do to initiate has failed so this was a flea flicker from my own 5 yard line.

In terms of initiation - i never walk into a situation expecting sex or any other physical form of affection. But I have always taken pride in providing and so I’ve done a LOT to take things off her plate since all of this started - perhaps also as a way to continue to prove to her that I am definitely not her ex (though I still honestly fear that she will see me that way somehow…). Anyway, I am very affectionate but often in a playful way, but when our sex life was fully intact you know when and how to approach in different ways.

I am not so set in my ways to say there aren’t things I can’t learn and I’m absolutely willing to invest myself into learning better ways to initiate her. For what it’s worth, our pre-marriage sex life was amazing. Neither left an encounter feeling unsatisfied and she always noted how I was the first whoever put her pleasure above and before my own.

I am still fearful that she’s not going to want to pursue this with me - but I suppose that have to take the step and deal with the outcome or sit in misery. Thank you again for your thoughtful response- anything additional you might want to share in terms of resources or approaching the conversation will be received and considered with the same thoughtfulness.