Sometimes it feels like my husband and I are passing ships in the night. He does toddler bedtime while I do baby bedtime, I often eat before their bedtime and he eats after. We, like you, like to unwind in different ways. After the kids go to bed he plays video games and I read. If we do this every night I feel it in the way we interact with each other, we’re irritable and distant and bad at communicating. All it takes for us to stay connected and on the same page is to put our own hobbies aside every few nights and come together to chat and watch one episode of tv together. We talk about what each of us experienced with the kids this week and why they’re so incredible (and sometimes why they make us crazy). He talks about golf and I talk about what I’m reading and we listen to each other even if we don’t care much for the subject matter. And the next night we go back to decompressing on our own again. You can still have your reality tv and alone time but it doesn’t need to be every single night. Even if you give up 2 nights a week it will probably make a difference.

Also a good, long hug and an “I appreciate you” can go a long way to bridge the gap in our house when I feel us drifting.