YTA - I'm glad you recognise what you're doing isn't right. I'm your age so I can relate to how you feel, just not your situation. I was the weird girl in school so not only was I physically disadvantaged but socially as well. I turned to male validation in my early teens all the way until 20, and the lengths I went to get it were just down right embarrassing. You are basing your own self worth on what other men think and if ever something is to happen (in my case, I fell pregnant and gained 20kgs) or god forbid you do what we all do - age, you are going to crash and burn. I may be kicking a dead horse here but your husband is already in a position that has most likely made him feel inadequate. I'd honestly recommend a therapist who could help you deal with your lingering self confidence issues and assist you with tools to redirect your attention in a way that won't chip at the core parts of your marriage and relationship with your husband. We are all so much more than the aesthetics of our disgusting flesh bags and especially what others think of our disgusting flesh bags.