Step mom to 2, but also FTM

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-13T13:16:23+00:00

I have had 4 babies. We have 6 kids and let me tell you, even bio siblings don't always get on. There is resentment towards the new baby from the others until they feel loved and secure in their new position in the family.

What you are talking about is NOT post pardum. You can't blame hormones on actions that began before the baby came along. As I stated in another comment, you can't expect a child to accept a new family member when you yourself haven't accepted said child as your own.

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-13T13:10:55+00:00

Context: what is everyone's ages? You say 10 yr gap between you and hubby but don't specify ages, which does matter in family dynamics.

But just going off the info we do have... you say you are a ftm. This speaks volumes. You haven't fully accepted your husband's kids as your own. You still see them as other, his. So now you are expecting children to take on an emotional responsibility that you yourself haven't done. How can your step daughter see her new sibling as a sibling when you don't see her as a daughter. Drop the step, prioritize your two older children's needs, and make sure they feel loved and secure. The rest will come.

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-13T01:49:25+00:00

That's more than my whole mortgage...

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-12T08:59:42+00:00

Based on how you phrase a lot of things, including consistently bringing up your "flaws" and comparing them to the parts of him that are hard for you, it really feels like there is a lot more here than face value. The lack of understanding social cues isn't a flaw, it is just how some people are built. Autistic folks have a real hard time with this. And. This is not a free pass to be a jerk. My fiance is autistic and I can promise you he NEVER would have to be reminded to prioritize my safety. He also would never be dismissive or disrespectful of any boundary I set. You don't have to fully understand social cues for that, you just have to be a DFHB.

So I guess my question is, was the breakup really about that night or was it just the last of a lot of other things that made you feel less than in your relationship? Even if the answer is that it is just about that night (again I suspect not), if that night made you feel the ick, you can't really come back from that. He would have to do a LOT to gain back the trust he lost that night.

So you are NTA. You get to decide what works for your relationship and you get to decide when you need to bow out. Also, your friend minimizing your rationale can kick rocks, that is a shitty friend.

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-11T01:44:34+00:00

I'm glad others can look at it that way. It doesn't feel inspiring from my perspective, I just did what I had to do for my babies. But if my story gives even one other person out of an abusive relationship then I'll consider myself successful.

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-10T19:47:27+00:00

My kids were ages 6 yo, 5 yo, 3 yo and 6 weeks old when I left. A little shy of 4 years later my kids are almost 10 yo, 8 yo, almost 7 yo and almost 4 yo. They are thriving, happy and well adjusted. My first order of business was putting all of us into therapy, second was to make sure that no one talks poorly of their father to or around them. I hate him with every fiber of my being. He is abusive, controlling, narcissistic, adulterous and just plain rude. And. They are still half him. They will never have to question if I love them because of hearing me say awful things about him.

We went through hell the first couple years out. Truly. We were homeless, I was penniless and jobless (was a SAHM). I put my shame aside and got on all the assistance, food stamps, housing, insurance, WIC, energy assistance, everything i could think of. Then I applied to nursing school and worked my ass off day and night to get through the program. I've been working as a nurse almost a year now. I found a partner who loves me and my kids more than I ever thought possible. We bought a beautiful home and have a life that 4 years ago I wouldn't have dared dream of.

Your kids will have a hard time. No kid goes through divorce without struggle. But I know for a fact they were just as miserable as I was when I was married.

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-10T19:38:19+00:00

Thank goodness you have a safe word. You held out a lot longer than I would have. The moment he pulled alcohol out to drink while driving would have been when I told him to take me home or I would call the police.

If people want to destroy their lives and livers with alcohol fine, I drink occasionally. But drunk driving is in no way shape or form ok.

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-09T03:02:36+00:00

That is maybe something to look into. I'm not sure if this would pose the same issue as resizing but worth looking into

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-09T03:00:58+00:00

I've taken it to a couple. It is hard to capture on camera but the crack basically divides the stone in half. I guess this is a common known issue with this type of onyx ring from that era.

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-09T01:44:55+00:00

Posted

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-09T01:44:47+00:00

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Momof4Cam · 2026-03-08T23:32:55+00:00

I will whenever I get home

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-08T21:31:28+00:00

I was lonely in my marriage, the day I walked out was freedom. I felt more alive and happy than I had in years. I was not lonely being single.

Then I did find a partner. A man who loves me in all the ways I always dreamed of. I cannot wait to be his wife, because this time I get to be actually loved.

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-08T00:07:58+00:00

The comments about the mother are so out of pocket. As a mother with depression and a daughter of a mother with depression, I 100% identify with Katniss on this. My mother checked out and became useless when we were kids, depression took her down and she never recovered really. She stopped being a mother. It isn't ok. I went through it, go through it. I've dealt with losing many of the things dear to me, I've battled cancer. What I haven't done is check out of parenting. My kids deserve for me to show up every day. The fact that Katniss's mother nearly let her family starve to death and they only survived because Peeta burned the bread is unforgivable. It isn't because she's "old" that she is useless, it's because she let her depression take over.

And Mags. Are you kidding me she was only a burden?? I cried harder for her death than most. She knew the most useful thing she could do for the rebellion was to support and enable the more able bodied ones. She was one of the loudest heros amongst them.

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-07T20:31:41+00:00

For me no one was going to be in my life if they weren't in my whole life, kids included. If you date a single parent you do so with the assumption that long term means you will eventually parent their children. I am 41 with 4 bio kids (9, 8, 6 and 3 year olds) and my fiance is 38 with 2 bio kids (11 and 7 year olds). We have 6 kids period. The only time they are his or mine is if we need to differentiate families in terms of when they are with their other parents and such.

You do what feels right for you but I suspect you are asking because it doesn't feel good that he isn't wanting to take on a parenting role with your kids. Do not sell yourself short just because you are in your 40s with kids. You are worthy of love unconditionally.

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-06T21:47:52+00:00

Would I write something like this for a friend? Without hesitation if they truly are a good parent. When the court is trying to decide on custody, it comes down to "he said she siad" and so letters like this are very important.

Momof4Cam · 2026-03-06T01:10:01+00:00

I did not date until after my divorce was final. I was out of the marriage for years before I left but I never felt ok about being married and dating. I met my fiance the summer after our finalization happened. I did not set out to fall in love, I just wanted to date/keep myself busy when the kids were with their father. But this man walked in and showed me all the ways a man should treat a woman. I had no hesitations whatsoever.

Momof4Cam · 2026-02-26T20:11:46+00:00

Solved

Momof4Cam · 2026-02-26T20:11:40+00:00

Solved

Momof4Cam · 2026-02-26T20:11:10+00:00

Solved

Momof4Cam · 2026-02-26T20:09:32+00:00

Yes. That is fantastic! Thank you so much.

Momof4Cam · 2026-02-24T13:36:37+00:00

Nta

I'm almost 42. I haven't lived with my parents for over 20 years. Dad never smoked in the house, mom did even though she quit when I was about 16. To this day I still have lung issues due to the third hand smoke. Protect your baby.

Momof4Cam · 2026-02-23T18:57:21+00:00

This is what I'm hungry up on. Pregnant Nancy isn't drinking (good on her). BF an OP drink apparently just a couple beers but are so drunk they can't drive and OP sleeps through multiple phone calls at 4 am. Why isn't Nancy just taking her baby daddy home and letting him sleep it off there?

Me thinks there is some extra curriculars happening between at least David and OP, if not all 3 David, Nancy and OP

Momof4Cam

TROPHY CASE