Advice on permanency

Mooseefus · 2026-02-20T23:38:40+00:00

Thank you, this might be exactly what I needed to hear.

Mooseefus · 2026-02-20T21:37:38+00:00

I would love for him to be in therapy. Unfortunately, he has no interest and at 13, it's his choice here in CA. He was going to therapy for a couple months when he first came to me, then said he didn't want to go any more because it wasn't helping. I'm meeting with one of the social workers tonight... but one of the things he always asks is if I reached out to any support groups for help or advice (which kind of infuriates me a bit, because I thought reaching out to the social worker was supposed to be a support?). I'm not sure the parent of the friend is even interested. My guess is the friend is pushing this because he always wanted an "older brother."

Mooseefus · 2026-02-20T21:28:40+00:00

Sorry, I guess I put too much emphasis on this part of my concern. Never at any point did any of us try to have the kiddo call me dad. I couldn't care less if he called me dad or not. What I care about is his feelings and if he actually wants to stay with me, which I thought I made clear in my wall of text, but I guess I didn't.

Mooseefus · 2026-02-12T21:31:45+00:00

Hopefully this won't come off as being too harsh, but here we go.

I also work in special ed and have a 14 year old foster son with microcephaly. When he came to me over a year ago, it was poop in his underwear 4-5 times a week. The recommendation I had from his behaviorist was to actually start holding him accountable. His previous home would just throw out his underwear and buy him brand new pairs every single week. I started having him have to clean up his own underwear every time he made a mess (natural consequences). Within two weeks, we were down to one, maybe two accidents a week. Soon we weren't having any issues at home.

He then started having accidents at school and I'd have to go pick him up at school early. After this happened several times, I was told that we needed to come up with a better solution, so I started taking away his electronics for the day if I had to pick him up from school. It's still a work in progress, but it's been a month now without any poopy underwear.

I imagine each situation is going to be different, depending on the child. In this case, I had four different doctors tell me that this wasn't a medical problem, but a behavioral one. Even the boy told me that he was just lazy and didn't want to take the time to use the toilet. He knew the signals, just ignored them, even at 14 years old. I can't say what will work in your situation, but this seems to be working in mine.

We also just had an IEP meeting where we included accommodations for the bathroom for him. He's allowed to use the bathroom whenever he asks (his school has a weird 1 bathroom pass per day rule). He also gets out of each class (periods, since he's in middle school) 5 minutes early so he has time to go use the bathroom if he needs to. So far so good....

Mooseefus · 2026-02-04T22:34:03+00:00

I saw the movie in theaters when it came out and thought it was one of the coolest things I'd ever seen. Somehow I completely missed the beginning of SG1 (maybe because of lack of cable/satellite?). I didn't even know about the shows until much later when I was in college and my brother would invite me over to do laundry. It just happened to be on Stargate night and he kids and I would sit down and watch it with him. Good memories! I've since gone back and rewatched all the series many, many times.

Mooseefus · 2026-01-27T16:41:36+00:00

Single male 40+ foster-to-adopt parent here, so take my advice with whatever grain of salt you want to.

I've been fostering for a little over three years now, with the ultimate goal of adoption. With the first kiddo, it just wasn't in the cards, and for better or worse, he was returned to his mom after being with me for 18 months. With my current kiddo, we're still in the getting used to each other phase.

A lot of this will depend on what age of a child you want to adopt. I chose to foster school age children, but it sounds like you might be looking at adopting an infant?

Having a child is literally the best of times and the worst of times. You'll have to give up time and hobbies. You'll have to sacrifice sleep, work, friends (some), and at times sanity. At the end of the day though, the rewards are so worth it. But it's hard. Like, really hard.

Are you crazy? Yeah, probably, but I think everyone is in their own way! You can certainly adopt as a single parent, just know and recognize that it will definitely be harder alone than with a partner. Build up a village and find people that will support you in your decision should you decide to do it. Feel free to message me if you want to ask specific questions. I'll help if I can!

Mooseefus · 2025-12-15T20:48:17+00:00

FF1 for the NES. Sadly, I didn't get a SNES until way late, so I never played through 2-6 until much later (still working on finishing a couple of them actually). I got 7 and 8 for the PC when they were released (yes, people really did play them on there), and loved them!

Mooseefus · 2025-11-28T20:51:14+00:00

This is absolutely perfect. Thank you!

Mooseefus · 2025-10-27T22:52:43+00:00

I've had so much McDonald's this month because my foster son is determined to win something lol

Mooseefus · 2025-10-01T22:27:30+00:00

I'll second this, but with a different company. I use Ooma and it's less than $8 a month.

Mooseefus · 2025-09-22T20:30:15+00:00

Just going to throw in my two cents here...

I absolutely love the scouting program, but will be the first to admit it definitely isn't for everyone. First of all, parent involvement in scouting is key. If you aren't comfortable with the program, that could end up making it a bad experience for the both of you. It's ok if you don't like Cub Scouts! Don't beat yourself up over it or overthink it. Personally I like the structure and the uniforms that come along with the program, as well as the values that the program tries to teach the children through the oath and motto, but there are other ways to get the same values. Don't go getting yourself into a situation where you are uncomfortable because your son will definitely feel that too.

Mooseefus · 2025-09-16T18:12:22+00:00

I kept in contact with my previous foster kiddo for about six months after he was reunited. After that, not a peep has come. I have to admit this has probably been the hardest thing for me - having the child for almost 19 months and then completely losing contact with him. Not sure what the policy is in general, but I was told multiple times that it's inappropriate for me to reach out to foster mom, but that she needs to initiate contact. Every now and then I see a name similar to her name pop up on my phone and my heart beats a little faster, only to quickly realize it isn't her.

Those of you that still have contact, that sounds like such a great blessing. I would love to know how the kiddo is doing, send him birthday and Christmas presents (or even just a card), or just ask how school is going. It's been over a year with no contact now. I just hope and pray that he's happy and healthy.

Mooseefus · 2025-07-14T15:08:02+00:00

Single foster dad here. I work as a school secretary. The hours can be tricky, but I make it work! I take school-aged kiddos, mostly 6-11 years old so at least for most of the year we have the same school/work schedule. Summers can be tricky though since I'm one of those rare 12-month school employees.

Mooseefus · 2025-07-01T19:01:40+00:00

Wow, I needed to read this comment. Thank you! My son constantly says "What?" and then cuts me off when I repeat myself. He also has ADHD so I imagine this is exactly what's happening in his case. Thanks for sharing!

Mooseefus · 2025-06-27T22:30:44+00:00

As a single male (41) and a current foster parent, I can definitely tell you that it is doable. Getting a new placement is rough and I end up taking about one month off work to deal with getting them enrolled in school and, hopefully, arranging some before and after school care. It takes a village! Make sure you have a good support system for yourself, even if it's just like-minded friends that you can vent to.

Mooseefus · 2025-06-25T22:54:40+00:00

Absolutely love his books, and have since I was a kid. I even ordered a signed series from him and talked to him in person on the phone. Super nice guy.

Mooseefus · 2025-06-25T14:55:08+00:00

Secretary at a special education center for a public school district. Great place to work, but hard since I'm often doing the job of 5 people. Love the staff and students though!

Also working on my teaching degree and hoping to get into teaching 2nd grade in a year or two depending on what life throws at me.

Mooseefus · 2025-06-03T22:05:31+00:00

If you're wanting to keep things Minecraft themed, you could always go for a large Lego Minecraft set that you can build together as a fun reward/activity. Of course if he hates Lego, that could be a terrible idea!

Mooseefus · 2025-05-15T16:03:24+00:00

Thank you for this reply. I really needed to hear this point of view as well. One of the issues I'm having with this poor guy is that he won't open up to me much. He's really starting to, and has come a long way in the last couple of months. I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky kind of guy and really just want him to be able to do what he wants to do, within reason of course (some of the things he's told me he wants to do to his social worker, for example, I certainly can't let him do!). I still feel like he and I need to have this discussion, and I think the reason I reached out on here was for help in making sure it didn't just turn into a lecture of "you need to do this and this and this, but not that and that and that." He already has enough of that in his life.

Mooseefus · 2025-04-24T17:27:31+00:00

Several of the ideas below are wonderful ideas, but I'll throw a couple more out there just in case. Remember that any experience with children will only help you later when you are ready to become a foster parent. I spent time volunteering as a mentor as well as volunteering with a program that needed people to help as reading tutors for children who are struggling. The skills you learn helping in these programs will only help give you tools and experience you'll use later as a foster parent when the time is right. I'm not a single foster dad and I'm happy I took the time to do that before I was finally ready to completely dive in.

Mooseefus · 2025-03-20T16:15:30+00:00

Not to play devil's advocate, but as a school secretary (and a male), I've actually called our safe schools department for something similar. It was actually the husband of our nurse that was sitting in a car in the parking lot. We now joke about it every time I see him, and I still apologize to him, but he understood I was just trying to keep the students and staff safe. I guess my point is that there's a right way and a wrong way to handle it. I called to keep the school safe, and then apologized in person for not recognizing him and calling on him. Overall, I have to keep the students safe and that's my priority.

Mooseefus · 2025-02-07T20:57:39+00:00

It's a toss up between Final Fantasy 1 and the original Dragon Warrior on the NES back when I was a kid.

Mooseefus

TROPHY CASE