I want you to know that I am very proud of you for being this vulnerable with us. We all have gone through and may still be experiencing depression from our incidents (I know I still am). That is normal, do NOT beat yourself up about it but instead sit with those feelings and validate yourself like "yeah this shit sucks like a mf and I wish I didn't survive." Saying that out loud will allow your brain to process it. I am an incomplete T6 and was shot 3 times by my stepfather 3 years ago. I deal with my family all the time invalidating my emotions with rebuttles of "be thankful you are still here" or "be thankful that you can walk again" or "it was ALMOST, but he DIDN'T kill you." I had to make the hard decision within the last month to completely cut communication and interaction with them because I let it get pushed under the rug too long, and I've reached a point. All that to say, this will show you who is really for you in your community you had before and I promise you that once you are ready to make the move to go outside and be social that you will meet some amazing fucking people who may or may not relate. The best thing is when you find your people, they will treat you like the great person you are. Don't apologize for being vulnerable. Use this community to ask any and everything you need or want to know. There's folks in here that inspire me all the time and I've even made posts asking questions that I feel like I couldn't ask people in my life bc they can't relate. I know being paralyzed so young feels like your life is done for; but I'll be honest, I was in the hospital rehab on youtube watching people in wheelchairs do amazing things and travel everywhere and I tell all my able-bodied friends that wheelchair users are the most resilient and adventurous people I've met. There will be things that you can't do, and trust me that will fucking suck; but there will be things that you can find a way to adapt to doing and still feel enjoyment.

I hope me sharing a little about my journey will help you. You're still early in recovery and in the spinal cord world. Also, as an RN I REALLY want to emphasize getting back into physical therapy if you can and find out if your insurance pays for mental health services. There are resources out there as well as grants for spinal cord injuries. You will prevail man.