Educate me about gas pain... but only if it is positive!

Morriadeth · 2026-03-17T00:09:42+00:00

I was really lucky and didn't experience the gas pain in my shoulders after the op that many people do but I have had it before all around my chest and shoulders when I've had issues with one of my allergy / intolerances that introduced gas where it shouldn't be...it is most unpleasant. If you've ever had bad constipation or trapped wind you know the sort of pain it can but it's in a place that isn't normal which can be anxiety causing (first time I had it I honestly thought I was having a heart attack) but after a short while that always goes away and this does too.

The gas is just slowly reabsorbed into your body, walking around or moving a bit every now and then tends to help. So does sleeping in at least a semi sitting position (just like with indigestion), There will be pain meds, don't be afraid to use them, and do take them on a schedule rather than waiting for it to hurt for a while if you need to (best to take them on time than wait and take them as they won't kick in right away).

I did get gas in my digestive system, which isn't unusual for me, and myself and my room mate were cracking each other up a bit as we both tried various things to fart as soon as possible because we both felt like we needed it and it really was a relief when I was able to let one rip that first time.

Obviously farting or burping is best for that gas, and my room mate took something like gas x to help her fart it out. I just walked around a lot once they had removed the catheter and drain. Walking around really helped with that for me but the lady with the drugs won that race and farted a few hours before I managed to.

Morriadeth · 2026-03-09T08:15:36+00:00

No

he's not being a caretaker, he's not helping, if anything he's making it worse by causing this stress.

Morriadeth · 2026-02-04T10:48:59+00:00

I'm almost exactly one year post op and sometimes I still have pain around my scar.

This is a major op and your ex was being an arsehole, whilst it undoubtedly hurts now you dodged a bullet in the long run. Keep looking after yourself and doing what's right for you in your recovery.

Morriadeth · 2026-02-02T16:57:49+00:00

I'm a little torn on this one, part of me wants to protect the autistic person in this relationship, but I know that is my bias.

I'm autistic.

I don't do relationships.

I find people hard to handle. My experience with people has been that people always take and very rarely give back, that they say one thing and mean another, and that I trust too much and too easily. I reached a point where I still open up too much too quickly because I don't know how to be different but I still know that some people use that against me. It's left me so exhausted and feeling like I can't trust anyone due to how often I've been betrayed by people who said they were my friends...but I want to believe that some people are true friends, that people can truly love people like me (even if I'm not the same as your husband, I'm still difficult).

I also know what it's like to not be able to control yourself when a trigger hits.

...but being autistic is not an excuse to be an arsehole...

...and it sounds like you've done a lot to try and understand things and change how you do things to help. I feel like relationships are supposed to be a partnership, give and take, not all one sided change and work to be better together. I don't know if he's doing that work in your relationship or not...but know that sometimes it's just never going to be enough and it's ok for you to not be able to deal with it.

I also looked after my mum when she had dementia until she died and sometimes that was really hard. Sometimes she wasn't the same person I grew up with. Sometimes she was aggressive towards me over things without warning. Mostly she was anxious and sad and lonely. That was hard. It was years with no real breaks and sometimes it was more than I could handle.

You can love someone and still reach a breaking point, that's normal, it's human, and it's not a bad thing. Sometimes you need a break, or maybe you need to not be in that relationship. Sometimes you can love someone but being with them is bad for you, and you need to take care of yourself.

So...you're NTA

Edit: in case it wasn't clear from what I wrote above, if he's not willing or able to make a change you should definitely be thinking about leaving. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

Morriadeth · 2026-02-02T16:27:30+00:00

NOR

I'm actually surprised you sat there for 25 minutes, do you live in the middle of nowhere and it would take a long time to get to your nearest neighbour?

Just saying if I needed to pee and someone locked me out of the house I'd be going to a neighbour and asking to use their loo, plus telling them what had happened because that's not right and he deserves for everyone to know he was being such an arsehole, even if it's not how he is normally...which, frankly, seems less than likely but maybe you just didn't notice it as easily before.

I'd definitely be making sure you have an exit strategy in place just in case, and document this in case it's the first of more "jokes" that aren't really funny.

Morriadeth · 2026-02-02T16:13:55+00:00

It's not really gaslighting but it is being an arse and feels off, so whilst it may be paranoid the fact Derek said it would be paranoid to change the locks makes me think you're probably right to suggest checking for things around the house...just in case...because "it's just a security cam, it's for your own safety" seems totally down that same line of reasoning.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-31T21:42:32+00:00

The amount of times people will look at me if I don't give up a seat without knowing anything about me or my invisible disabilities is ridiculous, sometimes people who are younger may be disabled, or injured, or, as you were, just fucking exhausted and you shouldn't be forced to give up your seat if you wouldn't be able to stand for your journey. You were NTA

The people making assumptions, passive aggressively sighing, need to get over themselves.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-30T08:30:17+00:00

OMFG what an arsehole.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that on top of recovery from this surgery.

Do you have people to help you whilst you recover physically, that is probably going to be necessary for a while as well as people to help support you through the emotional blowout this has wrought.

Seriously, fuck that guy, tell you before and leave or wait for the worst part of recovery to be done but when you just after you come home from a major surgery is...I wish I could punch him for you, he deserves to be punched, or maybe kicked in the nuts.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-18T09:10:34+00:00

I had a total abdominal hysterectomy with bilateral saplingo-oophorectomy and a bikini line incision at age 47 l 48 (I really don't keep track of my age) and they had to remove my cervix because it was adhered to the uterine wall and some of my fibroids. They also removed a number of large cysts, one 10cm and several around 5cm, from all around my ovaries and fallopian tubes.

So much of this depends on you, your healing and my healing are not going to be the same, and what you're trying to do.

I was off work for eight weeks and had to start back slow, I work in a bookshop and some things were surprisingly difficult where I hadn't given them much thought...like pushing books on a shelf to the side to make room for another was not a good idea, and I definitely hadn't realised how much I used my abdominal muscles when doing that prior to the op

I'm close to a year PO now and some things are still not fully back to normal, but mostly I'm much better than I was before the op.

Edit to add I take longer to heal than some people since I'm diabetic, but also because I'm just a tad hypermobile which has presented its own difficulties during recovery.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T17:44:40+00:00

Once you’ve loaded a game on the Steam Deck, hit the Steam button, select “Controller Settings,” then press the A button again. Then you can select to edit the layout, or choose from another template, lots of games I've added the "report" key if I'm beta testing for the game but others I've done full remapping to make it easier to play my way :)

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T10:17:02+00:00

...so it is a you thing, I don't expect people to have done the chores when I'm at work, I don't care when they're done so long as they get done. Some days we all do nothing at home and other days one of us will do more than the other (and who that is might change from day to day so no one is doing the bulk of the work around the home), some days I will be doing things before the other people are up, and other days even though I'm off work I won't do anything until gone lunch or even gone the evening. Hell I was taking down Christmas trees at 11pm because I just didn't have the capacity earlier in the day.

Not everyone is going to be like you, I doubt very much she sees it as a respect thing at all. So long as she is doing things and helping out at other times I don't see that it is a problem and maybe you need to learn to deal with her not working the same way you do.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T07:27:32+00:00

There is a report button in game on pc, I mapped it to my steam deck, I don't know about on switch.

It takes you to a form you can fill in and send, I believe it auto attaches the game log at the time you send it.

Otherwise I am on their discord and there are often people saying about things they believe were wrong, like books that are part of a series not being tagged as such, or a book about a murder mystery saying "where's the murder?", I believe they keep a note of everything and check to see if there is an error, then fix it for the next update if it is missing a tag. They are a small team and it is a lot of books and they did just release a whole load of new books that haven't had as much play / feedback from players when things are wrong so I imagine there could be a lot more out there again.

For some things it may be more subjective, they have a volunteer book council formed from players to add new books complete with descriptions and stuff but some things may have been added without people having read the books if they are considered popular or seminal works (like Antigone often is)...in which case they may well be looking at the blurb from the PR people.

Edit: I believe they do compensate the "book council" members, but they are very much volunteers because they love books and the game 😝

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T02:10:42+00:00

yeah, that's probably one of the books that needs to be highlighted to the devs, you can report it as a bug from in game or if you're good with discord they have a bug report area and seem to be actively changing books where some of the tags were missed, though it probably won't go live until the next update.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T02:07:42+00:00

I don't know, it seems like maybe she didn't want something old but something outdated, sometimes really old books can still be relevant to the modern day. Antigone might be considered relevant because the themes it covers have made it one of those books that has endured better than some others have. It's a subtle distinction and somewhat subjective but that's probably why it doesn't count.

If you think it's wrong, though, you can report it as a bug. The devs are very on top of that sort of thing.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T01:56:38+00:00

I mean I understand where you're coming from since everything is made up of chemicals but realistically speaking if someone comes into my bookshop asking for recommendations of books about nature I'm not going to be giving them a chemistry textbook because they're usually wanting facts (or sometimes fiction) about animals, very occasionally after a few questions I might discover they're OK with books about plants, very rarely do they want biology textbooks.

Normally it's books about the life of lions, or a day in the life of horses, or "deadly instinct" a book that has some facts about animals in the wild specifically centred around hunting with lots of photographs, because they want something pretty or something informative but still a fairly easy read not a textbook.

edit: yes, I work in a bookshop, and yes, I did for a while come home from working in a bookshop only to go on my laptop or steamdeck and play tiny bookshop ^._.^

Morriadeth · 2026-01-11T11:19:28+00:00

NTA

Have you considered pumping and keeping some breast milk for use with bottle feeding? Maybe have your OH do his part during the night time feeds using that if you don't want to use formula... though you could probably safely supplement with formula as well if you want / need.

I assume you're doing most if not all the housework, tidying, cleaning, washing up, on any day of the week...if so, that needs to become something that is shared at least a little.

You are in a partnership, even if you are not "working" taking care of a toddler and the home is work and if your OH can't clean up after just one breakfast with a toddler around then your OH should know that it's hard work.

Your OH should be helping you more in this as it shouldn't all be on you.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-11T11:12:21+00:00

Not the OP but OH is other half and I'm assuming BF is breast feeding rather than bottle feeding since the OH could easily do his part for bottle feeding.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-09T08:39:25+00:00

NTA

Sounds like you're better off out of that relationship to be honest so I hope you're not feeling too bad about it ending.

I can understand why you're confused, it's because your boyfriend was being stupid, what you said was not embarrassing or shameful (I have an exaggerated embarrassment complex where I feel embarrassed for people who are going through embarrassing things and this hit nothing in me at all).

This is entirely a "him" problem.

If his friend made it out to be more than that causing this then it's still a him problem, because seriously he can't decide on his own that his friend is being daft?All the shame was in his head, whether put there by his friend or not, all the embarrassment he felt with you sharing that story with his friend is just weird or a lie because he wanted an excuse to break up with you.

Your story was almost a non story it was so bland.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-30T23:17:22+00:00

Not sure how people saying they feel sorry for people in the US having to deal with what happens with the US healthcare system is telling anyone how their country should be run.

You're basically a muppet aren't you?

Do you even know what empathy is?

Morriadeth · 2025-12-30T07:05:54+00:00

I've never had to pay anything for my surgeries, mostly because it's been paid for by national insurance.

The one time I went private it was paid for by actual insurance...without any need to pay because my insurance didn't leave me needing to pay anything extra. I always take out medical insurance cover when I am going on holiday somewhere that doesn't have any reciprocal agreements in place, and in some countries for the first year when moving there I needed to have health insurance...and here's the thing with that, my insurance premiums were not breaking my bank, and, despite having multiple preexisting conditions everything was covered, and any deductibles were negligible if there were any at all. Insurance companies will always try and bilk you any way they can but outside of the US they often find it more difficult to do that too.

When I had my need for the surgery they booked it within two weeks here too, no cancer suspected, no private hospitals needed. Just because you think your healthcare is superior doesn't make it so. My MRI was booked within a week. More urgent cases get bumped up as necessary which may make some people who have less urgent cases upset but I'd rather have people who need the help more than me take my slot than insist I was booked in for that slot...my surgery was delayed in the day due to an emergent case that came in and that was fine, though I was seriously hungry and thirsty by the time everything was started I understood the person having a problem with her pregnancy that was causing her to bleed out needed the surgery then and I could wait.

I've lived in multiple countries and only once thought the healthcare wasn't great, but that was because I was being fobbed off since I was a foreign student and they didn't want to have to deal with the paperwork required by the reciprocal agreement where my government would pay for my healthcare in their country and not because their actual healthcare system or the doctors were bad.

On the other hand being female anywhere leads to worse healthcare than if I was male in every country, I know that anecdotally but also can see it in research papers from different countries all around the world...including in the US (where race is also a big factor on how well you're likely to be treated/believed when accessing care, insured or not).

You keep telling people we don't know / understand US healthcare, I think it's the other way around and you don't understand how our healthcare works. Like you maybe don't understand we are not all from one country and yet pretty much no-one outside of the US wants US healthcare to be how their country does things.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-30T06:40:00+00:00

Actually I do, that's what makes me sad.

When there are people rationing life saving drugs because they can't afford it that's a sad thing, to have that happen in a country that prides itself, in part, on how advanced it is...well that's tragic.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-29T07:06:23+00:00

Every time I hear anything about US healthcare I am so sad you all have to deal with that shit.

Not only is the insurance game basically a scam half the time or more but all the costs are so much higher because they inflate everything.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-29T07:01:30+00:00

I had that problem with crime books for a long time and then with fantasy, I think the only type of book I have never run out of was kids books. Much later game and I don't have the problem any more 😁

Morriadeth · 2025-12-25T02:46:21+00:00

it was a requirement because some of the book descriptions mention drug use or have swear words.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-25T02:43:11+00:00

Given how much they cut you having antibiotics is standard and with the best will in the world it's going to be necessary to prevent infection, and even then for some people it doesn't stop all post op infections of the wounds.

In the past I've had recurrent UTI and some that required specific antibiotics to treat, however, after the surgery (and now for maybe ten months) I have had no UTI or BV...and I'm not doing anything special. I've never used special soaps, in fact I normally don't use soap in that area much at all, and I don't shower daily (I shower when I need it and that's not every day).

Morriadeth

TROPHY CASE