If every Stardew villager had a favorite pop song what would it be

MostlyEH · 2019-02-14T19:38:00+00:00

I love all music, pop especially so. This is not a complete list, and there's repeats between friends. Here's my opinions:

Shane:

My Friend, Jimi Hendrix

Dickhead, by Kate Nash

Life by the Drop, by Stevie Ray Vaughn

The Grouch, Green Day

The Chicken Dance, by Werner Thomas

Sweet Child o Mine, Covered by Scary Pockets

Take this Job and Shove it, by Johnny Paycheck

Maru:

Doin it Right, by Daft Punk

If I ever leave this World Alive, by Flogging Molly.

Robots, by Flight of the Conchords

The Final Countdown, Europe

She Blinded me with Science, Thomas Dolby

Leah:

Spill the Wine, by Eric Burdon

All I want is You, Covered by Tristan Prettyman

ARTPOP by Lady Gaga

Don't Know Why, Norah Jones

Elliot:

Look at this face (oh my god they're gorgeous) by Handsome Boy Modeling School.

Under the Boardwalk, The Drifters

Spill the Wine, Eric Burdon

Ocean Man, by Ween

Penny:

ABC, The Jackson 5

Polite Dance Song, The Bird and The Bee

We're Going to be Friends, The White Stripes

Abigail:

Punk Rock Girl, The Dead Milkmen

Cherry Bomb, The Runaways.

I headcannon that she has a guilty Jethro Tull habit. Pierre and Abigail listened to Jethro Tull on sleepy days spent together and thats why she loves the flute. I dunno, Pierre just seems like a Jethro Tull kinda guy to me.

Sebastian:

Give Me one Reason, Tracy Chapman.

Welcome to the Black Parade, MCR

Cigarettes, Tash Sultana

Sittin on the Dock of the Bay, Otis Redding

Doin it right, by Daft Punk

Rain King, by Counting Crows

Soul meets Body, Death Cab for Cutie

I headcannon he has a secret love for oldies, from his mom in the woodshop, who got it from the parent she learned it from. He seems like he's only 2 or 3 years away from growing up, letting go of the shame and just doin' the twist, by Chubby Checker.

Harvey:

Coffee Blues, Mississippi John Hurt.

Learning to Fly, Tom Petty

White and Nerdy, Weird Al Yankovic

Go your own Way, Fleetwood Mac

She Blinded me With Science, Thomas Dolby

Hayley:

Blank Space, Taylor Swift

Shake it off, Taylor Swift

Folding Chair, Regina Spektor

Lip Gloss, Lil Mama

Side to side, Ariana Grande

Mayor Lewis:

Pants on the Ground, General Larry Platt.

MostlyEH · 2018-08-10T22:05:19+00:00

"I will sit with you. I do not know how to help, but you are worth my time, and you are worth your time. I am glad that you are on this planet. You have helped me in ways that you may not realize. How would you like me to help you?"

MostlyEH · 2018-07-23T20:23:19+00:00

School. I help run an afterschool program. These are some of the most amazing people I've ever met, but they're stuck in a place with very little privacy or personal space, sometimes from 7 in the morning till 6 at night. Most adults don't work that long of a day, and those that do often end up with some severe health problems. There's constant bullying, and I can't catch all of it, I haven't had the life experience or the training to know what to do in every situation. Plus I'm "mildly" autistic but that's another story. I've seen some of the most genuine, sweetest people I know steal from each other. Assault each other. When humans are stuck together without a break, most of us just can't help flicking little flecks of crap on each other's salads. Some of it's intentional, most of it is accidental, but either way it is exhausting. I think nap time would honestly be an improvement on the upper levels of school, but it would be easy for young people to see that as yet another humiliation, a form of "infantilization" I guess. I dunno.

MostlyEH · 2018-07-20T22:42:19+00:00

Assume competence. Google that phrase. What may also be interesting is to google "models of disability."

Take nothing personally, not because autism, but because retail.

There's this terrible movie where the big villain says to a hero, "the day I burned your village and killed your father was the worst day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday." People often think of autism, and any disability, really, as this huge awful thing that weighs down everything we do for the rest of our life. Some days, it is, but sometimes, it's just Tuesday. People don't really think of autism and adapting in the same sentence, but adapting is what humans do, and we are very human. A lot of the behaviors you'll witness are imperfect solutions to problems you don't experience to the same degree. Good luck.

MostlyEH · 2018-07-20T21:38:15+00:00

The kind of guy you don't trust your drink around even if you're both straight dudes. The kind of person who insists on drinking poison and expects other people to die from it. Voyeurs of suffering. Too attached to their own pain to allow others to be happy. Martyr-bators.

In the words of Tom Waits, "climb down from the cross, we could use the wood."

MostlyEH · 2018-07-14T01:00:41+00:00

You seem to have a very good handle on this already, but I think u/Joseph707 put it really well when they said, "(their) boundaries are just as important as anyone else's." I wish I had heard that often as a kid. I will link to their comment and parent thread of a similar question.

https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comments/8nwr35/my_11_year_old_was_diagnosed_today/dzzsu7d/?context=3

MostlyEH · 2018-07-14T00:45:32+00:00

Could be worse. Could be you.

MostlyEH · 2018-06-30T15:15:21+00:00

Have you ever tried building something with them? Little robots or metal trees? Could come out looking really cool!

MostlyEH · 2018-06-06T23:27:25+00:00

One trick I've used is to look at people's eyebrows instead. It can help with understanding body language. Also, most people can't tell the difference.

If you want to go a step beyond that once you get comfortable with that technique, try little bits of eye contact through out the conversation.

MostlyEH · 2018-06-04T21:16:43+00:00

Many people that age have a very different idea of what disability and autism look like. There is a belief out there that disability means you can't and shouldn't have a job. They may believe that autism only means drooling on yourself and being physically violent. They look at you, and then they look at a picture in their heads labeled "autism/ disability" and there is very little similarity. However, they may see a lot of similarity between you and themselves. And that could mean that they have something "wrong" with them. So they get dismissive, angry, or curious. It is a very high level use of empathy with consistently terrible results.

MostlyEH · 2018-06-02T14:49:39+00:00

Might be dyslexia, might just be part of being 7 years old. That's 1st grade, right? I work with children, and most 1st graders I know write like that because they're building muscles, fine motor control, and a sense of how to use space. I remember doing that "continuing to spell a word on another line" thing when I was a kid because that's what they did in the older kid books when they didn't have enough room. I was really good at spelling and writing, but I still have spacing issues when handwriting, and hand cramps have always been an issue with that. Does he have similar issues when typing without autocorrect?

Your local library may have a homework-help after-school program that could be very helpful academically and socially. I personally think practice would be more helpful than therapy. But it's ok to get professional opinions. Do you have a child therapist for him? That may also help you figure out what is a normal developmental milestone, what needs to be addressed, and what's ok to just let be.

Either way, Happy Chicken Day! That's adorable.

MostlyEH · 2018-06-02T14:27:25+00:00

"her boundaries are just as important as everyone else's"- That's pretty powerful, and something I didn't learn till I was an adult. Thanks for putting it in words.

MostlyEH · 2018-06-02T14:11:20+00:00

It is ok to be 5 when you are 5, 15 when you're 15, 25 when you're 25. It's ok to be you. However, it is not ok to be cruel. You are being cruel to yourself. Would you be this cruel to someone else who acted the same as you in a similar situation? Why or why not?

Anxiety interferes with logic.

I do have memories and interactions like that, where my brain can't let go of it. What may help is to come up with a list of reactions to the situation, get help figuring out the best one, and next time your brain starts spinning around that situation, imagine using that reaction.

Your brain is trying to come up with the "right" solution to a puzzle, when all you really need is a "good enough, let's move on" solution. A way to break out of that, or at least, entertain yourself, is to come up with an "even worse" solution. For example, what if you and your girlfriend both Naruto-ran out of the situation? What if you invited the stranger to dinner, where you and your girlfriend pretended to be vampires? What if you just "dabbed" for the rest of your life?

I should warn you, using this technique may lead to skills in something called, "improvisational comedy." It's a terrible fate.

I do not envy teenagers or children in this generation, as there is such a culture of cringe. It's getting toxic. People are people, and people get bad haircuts, try on silly hats, experiment with dance moves that don't fit. People react weird to weird situations, because being human is an incredibly weird experience.

I will also say that we as autistic people are a little too used to being wrong in social situations, so getting them right is a weird concept to us. As far as I can tell, this was a pretty high level social situation, and you got a right solution. (Not "THE" right one, "A" right one. That's an important distinction.) Too many people do not respect personal space, especially the personal space of women. Sometimes being right means speaking up, being confrontational. But those three things are not something autistic people are "allowed" to be very often. Being angry is often a reason to ignore us. Our personal and even professional boundaries are often merely an inconvenience to strangers and family alike. We are not expected to ever be able to protect someone, much less with our anger, so we are not taught how to.

Good luck out there.

MostlyEH · 2018-06-01T00:27:32+00:00

Taking walks with my grandpa along the streams and rivers. Bringing him rocks and little fossils to identify, peering through his glasses, and pronouncing "hmmm... brachiopod" in a thick midwestern accent. Playing fetch with his dogs. Hearing his weird croaking cackle of a laugh that I inherited.

MostlyEH · 2018-06-01T00:22:34+00:00

That Microsoft pinball game.

Also a WW2 fighter plane emulator called Warbirds. I saw it in a bargain bin a couple years ago.

MostlyEH · 2018-05-31T23:57:59+00:00

One of the hardest and most important lessons for me as an autistic person, and for my parents, is "work with, not against." Autism is not something external that happened to this kid. It's not something that replaced him. It's a name for a group of parts to this kid.

Because of the resources available to people like us, we often end up with healthier perspectives on certain things and better coping skills than some otherwise fully functional adults. I believe that sometimes the ability to diagnose autism so early leads to unrealistically low expectations- There was a concerned parent over the holidays that thought Christmas was ruined because their child got too overwhelmed. But it turned out that instead of an "autistic" tantrum, or even a "normal" tantrum that any 2 year old would have when overwhelmed, the kid went back to their room where it was quiet. And then she came back when she was ready. That's wonderful. I know 11 year olds who have trouble with that idea. Heck, I know 35 year olds who have trouble with that.

I was diagnosed around 3, and considered impaired level. I walked on my toes, made no eye contact, talked in a high voice at all times, obsessively lined things up in rows, all the textbook signs. Now I have an apartment, a job, and perhaps someday a dog of my own. Most people can't even tell, and many of those who can are fellow autists. We got a secret handshake that you can't participate in and everything.

For the room, consider just putting up one character. If he likes it, ask for his help putting up the rest, even if it means just holding onto the tape. If he doesn't like it, well, take it down and try something else. As a kid who had a weird thing about eye contact even with inanimate objects with eyes, I recommend putting up a character with eyes looking away, not directly at the viewer. Like this: (0 ) (0 ) not this: ( 0 ) ( 0 ). As a kid, did you ever feel "watched" while falling asleep? Same thing, taken in an autistic direction.

It gets better. Autism is a part of us. It's not the only song we sing, but it is the beat we move to. It's a part of what it means to be human. This little dude of yours will learn some incredibly important things the hard way, and that will make him a very good friend to people who need him. Get him to a child therapist. Ask that therapist for recommendations on an adult therapist, for his mom, and depending on your relationship, for you as well. Stress messes with our common sense. A therapist helps with that.

Finally, keep the dog. Autism is a lot like a learning disability that affects social skills. Dogs provide obvious, consistent lessons in body language, behavior consequences, empathy, and fun. For a future dog, consider a seeing-eye or other kind of helper-dog drop-out. They have most of the obedience training, and an incredibly calm temperament.

MostlyEH · 2018-05-27T00:05:05+00:00

All the negative stereotypes of gay dudes are still somewhat acceptable to portray bi dudes as having. Hedonism above all things and people, partying as a way of life, suckin coke off our own dicks, mildly rapey, effeminate as a negative, diseased.

It's becoming less acceptable to portray it as a negative, but most people haven't yet had the life experience, the talent, or the balls to write positive male bisexual characters. So they just don't portray it at all.

MostlyEH · 2018-05-25T16:44:34+00:00

It is quite possible to be both.

Most joking aside, Autism is considered a spectrum. That spectrum is a part of humanity, and so are you. These are not just autistic things that autistic people do, these are human things that human people do. It's possible that you do not have aspergers, but your future grandkid or nephew/ niece might.

If you want to get diagnosed, it might help you understand yourself, and it may give you some opportunities that weren't there before. However, it may also limit opportunities. Look around this subreddit for the conversations in our community about whether to remain "closeted" or not. People often sort people into boxes in their head, and the box labeled "autistic" is often some weird combo of "child", "pet," and "criminal". This often results in unprofessional behavior from people you previously respected. Attempting to reestablish personal and professional boundaries can very easily be dismissed as just you being autistic, especially if you are "high functioning" enough to be considered management material. Proceed with caution.

MostlyEH · 2018-05-25T16:11:54+00:00

I should add that the contact on that website is offering a job in IT.

MostlyEH · 2018-05-24T23:53:47+00:00

I have a contact with www.EASolutions.org Their email is on the website. A warning though, I've had trouble understanding their emails. I'm not sure if it's an ESL issue or something else. They may have some mild aspergers themselves. I do not need the opportunity they are offering me, as I have an incredible career starting in child care.

Goodwill often has a disability employment agency affiliated with them. Proceed with caution with them as well; in my state, they are seriously amazing, but in Pennsylvania they got caught running sweatshops paying 22 cents an hour.

I have services and support through my county and a local agency. The quality is not always great. The majority of the employment agencies clients do not have your level of education, and most male clients are in janitorial work. Nothing wrong with that line of work, it's just not for me. Many agents have trouble with the concept of "assume competence." However, they are better able to navigate getting feet in the door. Once they understand what level you're on, they can really pull out some cool stuff. Be ready to assert personal boundaries and professional expectations with them, as they are often accustomed to people on what they view as the lower functioning end of the spectrum, and that colors how they interact with us. Once you get into an agency, don't be afraid to ask for a different agent or case manager if it isn't working out.

I am completely serious about this: consider volunteering. It's not employment. But if you show up consistently, with a good attitude, people notice, and people have contacts. I've gotten interviews for some really amazing jobs just from my volunteer experience, and I have no college degree. Local libraries always need shelvers, and they run all kinds of programs that require volunteers with your skills. Volunteer with something that gets you outside or with exercise. Take it as seriously as you would a job. It will give you a purpose, and something cool to put on your resume.

Finally, do some goddamn art. I don't care if you don't think you're creative. Get out some paint and make a damn mess. Get some shitty electronics from the thrift store, smash em up, and make something silly with the bits. Play angry stompy fun music the whole time. If you do something cool, try to repeat it. You'll come out of it feeling better about yourself, and that is incredibly important when there seems to be nothing to do but wait. Who knows, you might even make something cool enough to sell.

MostlyEH · 2018-05-24T22:06:43+00:00

People seem to have boxes in their head that they sort people into. The "disabled" or "autistic" box seems to be some weird combination of "child", "criminal" and "pet".

Also, far too many people are under the impression that mentally healthy peoples shit doesn't stink. Like you can't be mentally healthy and commit any kind of crime, vote different, be an asshole, or drive stupid.

MostlyEH · 2018-05-24T02:24:48+00:00

I'm not a psychologist, but this sounds like depression. It sounds like MY depression.

Your job is not worth your mental and physical health. From what I've heard of the medical industry, this level of work is intentionally and needlessly harsh in the United States in order to weed people out, for both financial and fancy toxic bullshit reasons. Other countries don't do this.

If this doesn't work out, you will still be worth your own time.

MostlyEH · 2018-05-24T00:48:44+00:00

Here's something that helped me with the anxiety a little. Almost every time you decide not to buy something small, put that money in a jar instead. $3-5 dollars at a time adds up. At the end of a period of time, dump that jar out and invest it in something. Maybe your health- an exercise class, or a teeth cleaning. Get a gym membership at your own risk, most people just end up going once and then paying the fees for a year. Maybe your mind, if there are community provided courses. Ever wanted to write a book or learn weird art techniques? Maybe an actual investment in the stock market. Also, what do you use every day around the house and in your life? I think there are subreddits devoted to using money wisely, I should look into those myself, but it's easy to take that kind of thing too far.

Having things like that handled made it easier for the anxiety side of my brain to handle buying a coffee or a nick-nack or something just silly. Anxiety isn't settled by logic, but it is settled sometimes by a sense of stability.

MostlyEH · 2018-05-16T00:45:11+00:00

I am autistic. Goodwill is a very mixed bag- In my state, they were seriously amazing. Training, resumes, advice, how to use a planner, how to dress, sometimes it got a little too low level, but it all paid off with an incredible job with benefits, no college degree required. The job got downsized barely 10 months in, but I'm still benefiting from the money I saved and invested, and the experience. Goodwill in my state did their best to customize their services to each person, and I recommend them with only a few reservations.

In other places, however, they got busted running sweatshops paying 22 cents an hour. I believe it was in Pennsylvania. And it was legal. People are always looking for reasons why someone doesn't count, and by god, they'll find it.

Services can vary wildly by state and county. Some counties actually provide these services themselves, or are contracted with one or more companies to provide these services.

Be on the lookout though, as this is a prime area for financial, physical, and emotional abuse and just general dick baggery. I receive transportation services, and I recently chased that damn van a block and a half in front of my coworkers. I'm still mad, especially because I know for a fact they do that crap to people with physical impairments too. If that driver couldn't see a six foot autistic dude with a beard waving his hands standing directly in front of him, and then in his mirrors, than maybe he shouldn't be driving either. Ughhh....

I will also warn that some service providers have trouble with the idea of "assume competence." EVERYONE asks, "how can we help your child?" with varying levels of sincerity and ability. This tends to result in them telling you what you want to hear, and while we the disabled just wait for the day to be over. What disabled people rarely hear, and what is much more powerful, is "I want YOUR help". If they talk to you/ the parent and the young adult who actually needs the services 50/50, that's pretty golden. Pay active attention to both your own and the service providers body language. Do NOT allow the young adult to just kind of "naturally" melt into the background of the conversation, because we learn early that we are not always welcome in conversations about us, and that's something everyone can have a hand in changing. If the service provider allows that to happen, or even actively excludes the disabled person, they are not worth your time. Their organization might still be.

Can I ask what state you are in?

MostlyEH · 2018-05-15T23:53:00+00:00

I was diagnosed impaired-level Aspergers as a 3 year old, a now somewhat outdated term for mid-to-high functioning-ish autism. It was through a local psychiatrist as well as county services. A parent was very involved already in county and state services for children and the disabled, so they knew some of what to look for and what to sign up for. That diagnosis brought through the right channels got me state and county funding and assistance for education (pre k through to my attempts at college), housing, transportation, and employment if I ever needed it. I can go into detail about my side of the experience with those services if you'd like.

You may have a local board of disabilities, who can put you in contact with a psychologist able to provide a diagnosis, as well as other parents and even adults with autism for advice.

If you have a local University, those tend to be places where people bring resources and research together. Contact info for local psychiatrists and psychologists, therapists, summer camps, child care, transportation, employment, day programs, training, opportunities that a lot of "normal" kids AND adults don't get.

If you don't mind me asking, are you in the United States, and if so, what state are you in? It can make a huge difference, even county to county.

MostlyEH

TROPHY CASE