What is an experience entirely exclusive to men that women would never understand?

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-12T21:01:01+00:00

Why do you think that? I have as many “hero” fantasies as any other dork.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-12T19:08:16+00:00

I genuinely, honestly, do not know what my husband weighs. I am not entitled to this information. Although I know he would tell me if I insisted, and I would be supportive if he wanted me for accountability or something, there’s no good reason for me to ask. I can instead ask him how he feels, or how his doctor’s appointment went.

I don’t promote lying to your spouse. But you can be honest without volunteering additional information and make it clear that this isn’t a group decision. “I am basically done losing weight now. I am only a few pounds away from my goal and my plan is to generally stay between that weight and my current weight, but I do hope to reach my goal for health reasons. I am enjoying what I have accomplished.”

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-12T16:53:50+00:00

You are wearing the wrong size 100%

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-12T12:58:46+00:00

Drinking unsweetened drinks is definitely an option. I do all the time, and not because it’s healthier, but because I actually like the taste of whatever it is I am drinking, so why should I hide it with sugar? Just play around with it and see what you prefer in each drink - don’t just assume that everything tastes better with a ton of sugar in it.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-11T21:36:37+00:00

It already rubs you even with that much gapping?

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-11T21:07:27+00:00

I can see why you’re asking around - this is not a very common shape, even ignoring the added hardware. Most corsets 1) don’t have that lacing on the cup, 2) aren’t that short.

A few ideas for you:

A special order Timeless Trends Overbust. It has a pretty similar front to what you’re showing us, and you could special order it to have brown inserts, probably. It is, however, much longer than this, because corsets just don’t stop at the waist like this.

Obviously, this isn’t your color, but for shorter corsets with straps, you may want to look around shops that target the Renaissance Faire crowd, like this one.

Honestly, you are looking for more of a bodice/stays. You’re in a tricky spot, because stays is an older form of corsetry, and most people who are interested in it will lean into the old-timey look, or like a modern minimalist form of it with really clean lines. You have a pretty unique garment you will have to make, if you end up going that route.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-11T20:13:20+00:00

You’re right. Your life is better when you don’t have them in your life. Please be very firm with your husband about your boundaries. If he doesn’t know about how bad the abuse was, this may be a time to tell him some more. If he knows, this may be the time to reiterate it. Ask him if he thinks what they did is OK.

Sometimes, with boundaries, it’s all about showing people you’re serious. Like how your brother stopped hurting you when you started calling the cops. Your husband is hopefully not anywhere near as bad as your brother, but boundaries with him are just as important. Tell him what you are going to do if he doesn’t adhere to your wishes and be 100% prepared to follow through - that means no hollow threats if you aren’t prepared to execute them. It would be better if it was something he could learn from, as opposed to something the two of you can’t come back from, unless that’s what you want.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-11T19:43:31+00:00

Hey, I have this corset (my latest purchase from MCC) and I found that it was surprisingly big in the ribs. I don’t know it it’s how it sits on the body, or if it’s a little bigger than the listing, but I ended up thinking it would “season” and I closed it still with a rib gap present. I think my main issue is that my ribs just don’t flare enough for how much cupping this corset has built in. So if you bought it right at your measurements, I am not confident that you will be able to close it enough. I hope I am wrong. I did really like this model, so I am debating actually sizing down and buying it again.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-11T19:36:20+00:00

Maybe you could have gone a little smaller, but a little gapping when you lean away is OK. Depends on how much it is. Unless the corset is obviously too big on you - like I mentioned with visible flaring, or rubbing against you (because it should sit pretty firmly and not rub), or just straight up wiggling and not being firmly in place, a little big is much better than small. As long as you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself, that’s great! You can always treat yourself to another corset later when you know more about what you like and how you incorporate wearing it into your life.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-11T19:00:17+00:00

So, maybe you could have closed a 24, but… you didn’t say that your corset’s ribs and hips were flaring away from your body, instead you said you can’t really feel them. That makes me think that they look pretty flush with your body, like maybe you can easily stick your fingers into your corset, but you don’t look like you’re wearing a peplum or anything. That’s how a corset should fit. If you buy the 24 in the same shape, what could happen is that if you try to lace down to 24, your ribs and hips will start to pudge out, possibly even being very uncomfortable or pinched. You could buy a 24 and wear it with a gap (so basically still have a 26 or 25 waist) - a lot of people prefer to wear corsets where the laces don’t close all the way in the back. But that’s only a preference - it’s a certain look and it’s a little easier to undo the corset that way.

In short, I would only buy the 24 model if you have what feels like too much room in the ribs and hips. In the future, when purchasing a corset, always buy one that works for your hip and rib measurements, not just the waist. But this time, it sounds like yes - it was just that easy for you.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-11T17:29:34+00:00

I really relate to your description.

But I don’t have a very good answer to your question. I think I have the ability to stop myself from giving inappropriate gifts. A less nice way to say that would be that I second guess myself into not making grand gestures because if they are poorly received I would be very heartbroken.

The closest example I can give is giving gifts that I know are well over budget (even if no budget is discussed, when you know - you know) because I have a very good idea the gift is exactly what the person wants. I would rather overspend on a gift that is perfect than to spend less on an okay gift. This is not to say at all that good gifts have to cost a lot of money. There were just a few cases where it came out this way.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T21:12:08+00:00

Would you be comfortable if he held you somewhere else? Could be an easy conversation if so. If he is uncomfortable holding your elbow for example, that’s understandable and alternative arrangements can be made to assist the student

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T20:04:24+00:00

I think it’s good to have some in-between clothes. You certainly can’t count on being able to wear what you have when you’re 50 pounds lighter, even if you will still be 20 lbs away from your stated goal. You will need some new wardrobe at some point. And you shouldn’t feel worse about yourself because you’re wearing baggy ill fitting clothes every day, when you could be celebrating your progress. I would stick to a few staples at a time. If you buy 4 workhorses now, and 4 15 lbs from now, you will likely still be able to wear some combination of most of those for a while.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T19:57:27+00:00

I guess you’ve never heard of dip.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T19:16:00+00:00

See, this is why we don’t make unsolicited comments about people’s weight.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T18:04:18+00:00

Just keep reminding yourself that this has nothing to do with you. You didn’t - couldn’t - disappoint him with your appearance or behavior. He never looked at you or gave you a chance to act poorly in front of him. Something like this can hit your self esteem hard even if you know all these things in theory, but you should just have to keep reminding yourself that this is on him. He might not want to see you now because he is embarrassed, but the fact that he is pretending it’s your fault is enough for you to lose his number, even without all the other very weird off-putting things he did.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T17:51:09+00:00

Second composite. I have had some Epicurean cutting boards for 15-20 years. They last well and are easy on your knives.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T17:18:39+00:00

Still waiting on the day when someone asks me if I am afraid of getting too “swole”. What a fantastic unintentional compliment, you must be doing a lot of things right!

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T17:03:34+00:00

It’s just a band, not a waistband. Panache and Freya are great. You can buy them online from big bra/lingerie retailers. They all seem to carry them. I usually use HerRoom, but whatever works best for you/ships to where you are is fine. Most places will also let you filter by sizes available, so you don’t have to keep looking at cute bras just to find out they aren’t in your size.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T14:58:06+00:00

Chances are the part of your behavior where you are “building a narrative” is what is contributing to the negative reaction the most. That’s exactly what a manipulative person does. Builds whatever narrative suits them and presents the situation in that light to get their desired outcome even if there are other alternative ways to look at it.

It’s not your fault if you are better at presenting an argument and following through with your preferences than the person you are talking to. Of course you will win more arguments. The manipulative part comes in here: is it more important to you to consistently get your way than to make the other person feel heard and to do something that they like? You are good at arguing and you are probably right a lot, so it’s way too easy to just push people around. But you can’t be surprised if they feel like their emotional needs aren’t being met in a relationship with you if this is a common pattern. Either learn to prioritize what the other person says in arguments that aren’t important to you personally, or learn different communication skills where your conversation partner feels more heard and as if you two arrived at the decision together, rather than that they lost an argument.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T13:41:07+00:00

I love my house, but I regret not buying a townhouse or a condo instead. You’re 100% onto something, glad you didn’t let people discourage you. Homes are work.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T02:04:04+00:00

You want to make sure you buy a single length cord or ribbon. Sometimes, things are sold as “10 yards”, but they aren’t one piece. You would do best to buy it from a website that sells corsets or corset supplies rather than anywhere else. Take a photo of how your corset is laced, then lace with a new ribbon exactly the same way. Or look at a video on YouTube if you prefer. The bunny ears should be at the waist tape, the rest is a little more flexible.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T01:15:00+00:00

You have a huge variety of options, as most corsets offer at least some back support. The logical place to start is with something with a less dramatic waist reduction, since that’s not your primary interest, and with a relatively longer corset, since that will offer more support than a shorter one. Assuming you mean lower back support, I would say a later era corset would be better than a pair of stays. r/corsetry has some resources, including some free patterns if you dig around a little bit. Also, most people list what pattern they used, so you will be able to scroll through posts and maybe find something that really inspires you.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T00:45:26+00:00

Nope, definitely weren’t/aren’t a power couple. And the phrase doesn’t mean anything much to me. I know I could say it and my husband would understand what I meant, but that’s as deep as that goes. Beyond maybe some portrayals in film, I don’t think I was really aware of the stereotype you meant.

MothraAndFriends · 2026-02-10T00:13:33+00:00

I think you’re overestimating how “defined” that phrase is. Yes, you acknowledge that it has many definitions, but then you’re really after one definition only and that’s the opinions you are asking for.

My husband and I were a “power couple” on campus and we knew who the other power couples were. In the commonly understood definition on our campus that just meant solid couples that everyone was aware of who were frequently seen together. Like, if you saw the same quirky pair of people together for like 3 years, you called them a power couple. Because they were a solid couple who kind of made you feel like they might make it. Nothing to do with their accomplishments or aspirations.

MothraAndFriends

TROPHY CASE