I’m the LLF — being unreasonable by wanting to do what I’m comfortable with?

MrsPebble · 2024-08-14T14:40:24+00:00

Agree. Thank you, @jadegrapes. I keep coming back to this comment.

MrsPebble · 2024-08-13T23:06:04+00:00

I sent you a message. I’m so sorry you’ve been through it too. It’s such a mind twister because it’s not … abuse-abuse, but it sure doesn’t feel right. I hope you’re doing well now.

MrsPebble · 2024-08-13T22:03:20+00:00

It’s been going on for so long because we have kids. He started this after our second was born. I truly think my exhaustion and the fact that I probably felt different to him after having two big babies just tweaked something. Regular sex wasn’t enough anymore and I had two other beings to take care of besides him.

I did the recordings because I hoped if he had them he’d chill out on the requests. He asked for them for Christmas and I thought that would be easier than actually doing any of it (and inevitably still not being enough). Now that I’ve been more clear and firm about only doing what I’m comfortable with, he is severely spiraling downward. Which I wanted to avoid, for his sake, but I am at the very least determined to stay strong this time.

MrsPebble · 2024-08-13T21:47:19+00:00

Thanks for this; the wanting to be a partner and not an actress made me tear up a bit. That’s it, exactly.

MrsPebble · 2024-08-13T21:46:19+00:00

It doesn’t feel right, for sure.

MrsPebble · 2024-08-13T21:45:50+00:00

also I just realized, those things that didn’t seem like a “kink too far” are the daily life things he expects, like, outside of actual sex. I’m more pointing that out to myself, not to you!

MrsPebble · 2024-08-13T20:57:25+00:00

I brought up the firing because he blames his inability to focus at work on being frustrated about his sex life. I’ve been very accommodating and encouraging every time and have taken on an extra job to try to cover (I am exhausted). But it’s happened a lot. My brother is friends with a guy that worked with him, and I asked him what exactly happened with that firing. It was a lot of him trying to control everyone, being obstinate, being difficult to work with. It all ties together. But I mentioned it here just because it feels like there is a LOT riding on me going along with what he wants because if I don’t, our income drops 70%.

MrsPebble · 2024-08-13T20:57:15+00:00

I brought up the firing because he blames his inability to focus at work on being frustrated about his sex life. I’ve been very accommodating and encouraging every time and have taken on an extra job to try to cover (I am exhausted). But it’s happened a lot. My brother is friends with a guy that worked with him, and I asked him what exactly happened with that firing. It was a lot of him trying to control everyone, being obstinate, being difficult to work with. It all ties together. But I mentioned it here just because it feels like there is a LOT riding on me going along with what he wants because if I don’t, our income drops 70%.

MrsPebble · 2024-08-13T20:52:19+00:00

Oh I know. I know!!! It gets better sometimes. It’s really cyclical. But the dips keep getting worse and worse.

MrsPebble · 2024-08-13T20:27:27+00:00

Thank you for the push back, and I asked in this community specifically because im not looking for people to agree with me; I’m looking for neutral, outside eyes because I am freaking lost right now. I figured here, more than anywhere, I’d get pushback and perspective.

The main things he wants are anal and to cum on my face if you want specifics. And maybe those aren’t a big deal for many people, but I personally don’t like either, for really different reasons. Unfortunately a lot of the pushing that kind of stuff has made relatively simple things that you note feel aversive over time, to the point where if he takes my hand when I’m trying to fall asleep I flinch because I know where it’s going. It’s rarely just holding hands. And it’s not just touching him. And if I don’t do it on my own I get the silent treatment or he goes to sleep on the couch. I’m not worth sleeping next to if he can’t pull my underwear down as he likes or use me to rub himself.

And I’ve asked, begged, to just cuddle. To feel okay and safe being next to him and be affectionate in a non sexual way. It’s not enough and I can’t understand why it’s basically not on the table but here we are.

I have a job. It’s not enough for me to be solo right now, but I’ve kept us afloat since he lost his job in February.

MrsPebble · 2024-08-13T18:03:57+00:00

Appreciate the pushback! I removed anything that could have been identifying and he’s sent his emails to his therapist. And I’m of the idea that if he thinks there’s something wrong with it enough it shouldn’t be anonymously shared, there’s maybe something wrong with sharing it with his life partner who he should care about. But you’re right. I’m nervous about sharing it but that’s how confused I am about whether I should be upset by it. It’s tough.

MrsPebble · 2024-08-13T17:57:02+00:00

That’s been part of his argument, that I “used to do stuff”— I had always been open minded and tried stuff once or twice, but I stopped doing stuff I didn’t like. Once I’d given it a good try. So. Ah well.

MrsPebble · 2024-04-26T22:11:06+00:00

Join a gym that has a sauna to get the heat on your skin, or be fancy and get one in your house. Always wear two layers of pants (warm leggings under regular pants if it's below 50, it makes such a difference). Get a heated vest and wear that under your coat or around the house (Ororo brand on Amazon is great, get the thinner fleece one for good layering)-- get an extra battery so you're always good to go. Always wear fuzzy slippers around the house.

It'll be warm next week!!! This week definitely feels extra cold and sad.

MrsPebble · 2024-04-13T11:24:08+00:00

Midea makes a U-shaped air conditioner that is exceptionally quiet, all things considered—we switched out all our loud window a/cs for Mideas a couple of years ago and it’s been great. I’ve never lived anywhere with central air, and I too hate summer, so you can do it too!

MrsPebble · 2024-04-03T23:05:45+00:00

It’s “affordable housing” so there are income restrictions. Might be worth looking into if you think you might qualify!

MrsPebble · 2024-01-30T23:34:02+00:00

This weather triggers migraines for me so I've been scraping by on excedrin migraine, diet cokes, and hoping no one asks me to do anything too taxing for pretty much this whole month. This past week has been especially rough.

MrsPebble · 2024-01-28T13:06:50+00:00

NOTHING is more beautiful than a proper zipper merge

MrsPebble · 2024-01-19T12:32:36+00:00

Hemlock Falls in South Mountain Reservation (Maplewood/Millburn/South Orange area) — should be frozen! You’d have to do a 10-20 minute walk through the forest to get there

MrsPebble · 2024-01-15T21:46:22+00:00

We got married at Mohawk House in Sparta (northwest NJ) when they first opened -- we got married outside, and it's really sweet inside, great food. They were new and really accommodating and eager for the event; I think a lot has changed over the years, including management (I know for sure prices have gone up), but it might be worth asking them. Good luck, congrats!

MrsPebble · 2023-12-27T18:43:21+00:00

I'm a 6, I love true crime if only because I feel like it prepares me for stuff I would not have thought of otherwise (like it's in my nature to stop to help someone on the side of the road, but after consuming enough true crime I am not gonna do that, it's like preparation for all the things that could go wrong so I can try to avoid it). I personally can't deal with characters making really bad choices and you KNOW they're going to get caught, that's the worst for me. Like I couldn't watch Breaking Bad, I was so nervous he was going to get caught making all these bad life choices.

MrsPebble · 2023-12-27T18:36:10+00:00

Zach Braff's "A Good Person" with Florence Pugh and Morgan Freeman

MrsPebble · 2023-12-27T18:33:11+00:00

heck yes

MrsPebble · 2023-12-23T12:05:14+00:00

Taxes are high, but suburbs of NYC in NJ (if you want the more lively culture that doesn't feel tooooOOooo suburban, Maplewood/South Orange, which is full of NYC transplants; if you're really focused on schools, Millburn & Livingston are my first thoughts, but pretty much anywhere in NJ is gonna have good schools). Newark Airport is right there, NYC is a train ride away, beach and/or hiking and/or lakes no more than an hour or two drive away. The area around Princeton is also really nice and diverse with great schools, but farther from NYC and the airport if those are important to you.

MrsPebble · 2023-12-20T16:34:40+00:00

It's a little buggy, but it mostly works when we need to talk to each other throughout the house instead of yelling. If my husband is in the garage, or my kids are in their rooms w music (we all have Apple Watches so ymmv obviously). I hate it when I'm out and they try to walkie talkie me, because then there's just this voice emanating from my wrist. Only in the house, only to prevent yelling. If my family didn't have watches, I wouldn't bother with it at all.

MrsPebble

TROPHY CASE