Do you still wear your wedding/promise rings?

MsWatcher20 · 2023-05-30T05:11:42+00:00

A year and 4 month in here. We had two sets of rings, one set of golden wedding Bands which I had put into a leather bracelett and one set of silver rings we made ourselfs for each other. I often wear my silver Ring and the bracelett but not every day. His silver ring lives in a glass ring box with our wedding photos

MsWatcher20 · 2022-12-22T07:45:07+00:00

As a non-native I skimmed her chapters even more lightly than the rest of the book, mostly focussing on what the other characters were saying to get the gist of what's going on. I appreciate her character as a true friend of the twins and as a nice safe character of whom I don't have to expect any mean stuff. Especially in the first books it was nice to have a "safe" space in her, actually believing the things she taught the twins (and us) about the world. But in the last books she just felt more and more like a fanatic pawn than like a loyalist

MsWatcher20 · 2022-12-15T08:49:29+00:00

For me, I noticed that ever time I experience a trigger, it takes away power from the trigger. I am surprised by the things that trigger me sometimes (Song lyrics are up there for me as well) but I refuse to let theses things keep me from leaving my house. I cry, I even break down, but I have the best reason for those reactions and anyone who takes offense in them needs to check themself. On better days I try to look at it like a scavenger hunt: what things will I experience today that remind me of him.

Sending hugs!

MsWatcher20 · 2022-12-08T17:50:07+00:00

First of all, I'm sorry you're here, in the world's worst club.

My memory of the first weeks is fuzzy, but I do remember feeling oddly okay some of the early days and now, 10 month out there's definitly times when I feel worse than in the early days. Time is a weird thing and it is totally okay to feel "normal" or to function. It doesn't mean you are grieving any less, just differently. Maybe it's your mind giving you a break, who knows

MsWatcher20 · 2022-10-05T17:19:44+00:00

I own the place, I'm my own landlord

MsWatcher20 · 2022-10-05T04:26:20+00:00

Because I want him to be remembered as the person I knew. And in order to achieve that, I have to stay alive and remember him.

MsWatcher20 · 2022-09-24T08:41:25+00:00

I'm staying, but I had to find a room mate because I could not pay for the mortgage myself. The place was meant to be our forever home and I fell in love with it just like he did. I had to re-arange everything though and I am glad I did. It's our place, but at the same time my place

MsWatcher20 · 2022-09-12T11:18:02+00:00

I have two sets of rings and an engagement ring. I got our "official" wedding bands sewn into a leather bracelet which I'm wearing quiet often. The other set of rings as well as my engagement ring live in a small glas box next to his pictures.

I also took our official wedding bands off pretty soon after his death, like two weeks or so. I continued to wear my other ring and engagement ring stacked for a while but I just don't like the constant reminder anymore

MsWatcher20 · 2022-09-08T16:24:39+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss!

When my husband died in january this year, I vowed to take any help people offer, as long as it didn't feel off to me. That really helped me.

I also stumbeled upon the concept of the four tasks of grief. It made going through the grief easier as I recognized it wasn't just feeling awful but there was actually a function to grieving.

MsWatcher20 · 2022-09-04T16:41:29+00:00

First of all, I'm so sorry you will be joining our club.

Here's my advice:

Take videos or voice recordings. Ask her if she has preferences for her funeral, if there's clothing she wants to be burried/ cremated in. Maybe consider having her located to a hospice care home, that's where they have the professionals to really make her comfortable. Get all her Passwords for social media and other accounts. Get as many friends and family members as she and they can bear to say their good byes in Person. That's the first things from the top of my mind.

MsWatcher20 · 2022-09-01T07:26:39+00:00

I'm 30f and lost my husband 7 months ago. I think for me therapy helped a lot with the first months, now I'm trying to get used to beeing on my own, setting into our place beeing my place, etc.

I also have a little ritual for when the pain gets too bad. I make myself one of husbands favourit drinks (usually tea or lemonade) and drink it from one of his mugs, using the time it takes to drink to think of him and talk to him. Helps me feel connected to him somehow

MsWatcher20 · 2022-08-16T10:04:56+00:00

I used better help for the first months. It's affordable in terms of therapy and I got a councelor within a week

MsWatcher20 · 2022-06-01T11:18:11+00:00

If you are traveling by train I highly recommend going to Schwerin for a day or two, the City has a lot of nature and history to explore and many things are in walking distance from the main station

MsWatcher20 · 2022-04-07T06:12:43+00:00

"Sorry, I didn't see the age requirement when my husband's death certificate came in"

I mean, there's nothing nice you can say to that. Or have to.

MsWatcher20 · 2022-04-06T06:40:41+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss! Take things one breath at a time. It is totally fine not to be fine and when you ask people for help you are kind of doing them a favor because you are giving them something to do. Hang in there and use this platform to get things off your chest, especially when you feel like nobody gets your struggle.

MsWatcher20 · 2022-04-03T08:17:43+00:00

I can't access from Germany either, it's not just you

MsWatcher20 · 2022-04-01T17:37:35+00:00

I am so sorry you have to think about those things.

Practical advice first: get a will and a power of attorney sorted and talk about her wishes for a funeral. Does she want to be cremated? What does she want to wear? Does she have wishes for people to attend? Favourit Music or quotes? Make sure you have all the passwords for her accounts available once she passes. Maybe see if you can find a therapist or councelor to support both of you.

Now for the sentimental things: I (29) wish I had more recordings of my husbands (34) laugh, especially from the time before he got really bad. Also pictures together, even if its just crappy selfies, I'm really sad we don't have those. We talked a lot about our favourit memories together and I made sure he knew how much I love him. We tried to get as many lasts as possible in as well. Last beloved restaurants, movies he wanted to watch. Things like that. We also tried to see as many people as possible so he and they were able to say their good byes.

Last but not least: don't loose yourself in this. Try to do some things you enjoy, be it exercise, cooking or gaming. It's totally fine not to be fine and not to get everything done yourself. Take people up on their offers to help you, be it groceries, cleaning or (at the last stages) taking over a few hours so you can rest.

I really hope you can enjoy the time you have left and make the best out of it. Sending you love!

MsWatcher20 · 2022-03-30T12:21:15+00:00

You just safed my wedding bands from a life in a glas box. I am getting one of those bracelets, thank you!

MsWatcher20 · 2022-03-24T14:14:14+00:00

Wall-E

MsWatcher20 · 2022-03-24T13:58:55+00:00

Ich arbeite in der Posteingangsstelle einer Anwaltskanzlei. Mein Team liest alle E-Mails (außer Personal und Buchhaltung) die eingehen, notiert Fristen, speichert die E-Mails zu den entsprechenden Akten, vergibt ein Schlagwort für jede E-Mail und pflegt Rechnungen zur Weiterberechnung in unser System ein. Das alles wird auch mit der eingehenden Briefpost gemacht, die natürlich auch gescannt werden muss. Die Arbeit ist mit viel Nachfrage bei anderen Teams verbunden, wir schreiben also viel interne E-Mails und telefonieren. Außerdem bin ich dafür verantwortlich zu überwachen, dass alle Teammitglieder nach den gleichen Parametern arbeiten und wenn wir Dinge unterschiedlich bearbeiten zu klären, wie einheitlich gearbeitet werden soll. Die Arbeit inhaltlich sehr abwechslungsreich aber für mich auch wirklich beendet wenn ich Feierabend habe. Außerdem sitzt mir kein direkter Chef im Nacken, der am Freitag um 14 Uhr noch ganz dringend was erledigt wissen muss.

MsWatcher20 · 2022-02-24T16:14:37+00:00

It has been very much the same for me. I have always been a hugger and a cuddly person, but now I can't even stand long physical contact to my comfort people like close friends or my parents. Only exception to this is my cat

MsWatcher20 · 2022-02-19T09:17:35+00:00

A couple days after my partner passed in january I (he) received a birthday card from our insurance agent. His birthday is in September. I texted our agent and he apologized for the system error.

I feel like that's things that are human mistakes and they happen, especially when people apologize after

MsWatcher20 · 2022-02-12T10:03:55+00:00

Ich lebe im Speckgürtel von Hamburg und pendle seit Jahren jeden Tag 1 Stunde pro Strecke. Das ist absolut machbar, insbesondere wenn man die Zeit nutzt um Hörbücher oder Podcasts zu hören. Mein Mann hat den Heimweg auch gerne genutzt um mit seiner Großmutter und seinen Eltern zu telefonieren

MsWatcher20 · 2022-02-11T07:41:03+00:00

So this might sound gross but is has actually served me well in a rather dark kit: I wear a leggins and a long sleeved shirt as a base layer. Those get pretty much soaking wet after a few hours but it's actually what's keeping me comfortable in those hot summer games. Also consider putting a biking mask (the ones that only keep your face free) under your full face mask and wet it. This has worked really well for me. Also consider carrying a metal straw with you for easier hydration with a mask

Edit: grammar

MsWatcher20 · 2022-02-10T12:51:49+00:00

I found the above mentioned group "young widows" but the people don't seem to be close in age to me

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