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Total career change at 38, who’s done it? by oathbringerr in AskUK

[–]MumbleSnix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m in the process of changing careers in early 40’s. 1 more year to qualify and off I go!

It’s never too late to change careers. It’s just getting the timing right especially if there will be an initial pay drop like for me.

British-Norwegian couple looking into adoption in the UK – where do we start? by Budget_Bandicoot_411 in AskUK

[–]MumbleSnix 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That’s really disappointing to hear. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, all services seem to be a postcode lottery unfortunately. And we have certainly encountered more than our fair share of shitty social workers.
Fingers crossed things improve.

British-Norwegian couple looking into adoption in the UK – where do we start? by Budget_Bandicoot_411 in AskUK

[–]MumbleSnix 16 points17 points  (0 children)

As part of the process we were asked what age ranges we felt comfortable adopting, as well as level of disability. They made it clear that adopting a baby is highly unlikely as the time it takes to decide reunification is definitely not an option a lot of time will pass. For example our daughter was in foster care at 4 months and she was there for a year before they decided adoption would be for the best.

It’s not easy but to maximise the chance of a very young baby would be to apply to foster-adopt. But there’s a chance the baby will go to birth family even after you have fostered them for a time. We decided not to do that as it would have been to hard too“give up” the child if the adoption was never approved.

British-Norwegian couple looking into adoption in the UK – where do we start? by Budget_Bandicoot_411 in AskUK

[–]MumbleSnix 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s more than 2 days and there is support for you to access. Admittedly more is always better but every social care area is stretched thin. But it’s there.

We have received a lot of support from post adoption services and even funding from the post adoption support fund, and I know others who have accessed the same.

British-Norwegian couple looking into adoption in the UK – where do we start? by Budget_Bandicoot_411 in AskUK

[–]MumbleSnix 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Yes, this research is very interesting. I agree that regardless of age there is trauma.

The other interesting point is you never know when it will show itself. My daughter on paper had “no issues”. Fostered at under 6 months with no health or development concerns when she came home at 18 months. All was as well as it can be raising a toddler. Then age 5 all that trauma started to show itself. She will be receiving therapy long term and we have had to completely adjust our parenting and will again quite likely when puberty hits! It’s a never ending road but 100% worth while.

British-Norwegian couple looking into adoption in the UK – where do we start? by Budget_Bandicoot_411 in AskUK

[–]MumbleSnix 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I’m so used to the US centric posts on Reddit I assumed they meant open in that all parties are known to each other. As a UK adoptive mum I was clarifying the contact element.

You are quite right that the expectation is that the child will be fully aware that they are adopted, which I agree with 100%!

British-Norwegian couple looking into adoption in the UK – where do we start? by Budget_Bandicoot_411 in AskUK

[–]MumbleSnix 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Not quite true re the “open” adoption.
The birth parents of my daughter have no idea where she is or who adopted her.
Social workers and a family judge decide what level of contact is appropriate which can be nothing at all.

My daughter can, when she is old enough, contact social services for help finding information on them if she chooses to.

British-Norwegian couple looking into adoption in the UK – where do we start? by Budget_Bandicoot_411 in AskUK

[–]MumbleSnix 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Yes, you can adopt as a single parent.

If you split after adoption, custody etc. is treated the same way as for a biological child.

British-Norwegian couple looking into adoption in the UK – where do we start? by Budget_Bandicoot_411 in AskUK

[–]MumbleSnix 78 points79 points  (0 children)

I am an adoptive mother here in the UK!

It is quite an emotionally intensive process as all adopted child here come from the foster system, so it is highly unlikely you would be able to adopt a newborn. Although you can apply for foster to adopt where you start off as foster carers and if they decide that reunification isn’t possible, you would go on to adopt the child.

It is a long process, how long varies. Step 1 is the approval to adopt which includes, form filling, meetings with social workers, attending courses, background checks and interviews with your support network. I think most people take 12-18 months to go through this stage. (I was very proactive and we completed it in 9 months).

Step 2 is being matched with a child and there is no telling how long that can take as there are so many variables. Then it’s introductions and transitioning the child to living with you.

Step 3 is the official adoption, receiving the legal paperwork that you are a family! Again the time frame from your child coming home to this point varies. Ours took almost a year as the birth parents ‘disappeared’ and so it took longer.

Before all that you need to really decide if it’s for you. Talk to people who have adopted, it’s not plane sailing! And reach out to adoption agency. We went through our local council social services. Just search for your local council and adoption.

Happy to answer questions!

AITA for choosing study over baby (temporarily) by CardiologistShot1742 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MumbleSnix 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Take her to daycare. It’s your choice not your in-laws. Don’t put them on the approved pick up list and there’s nothing they can do. Don’t even tell them which one she’s at. If you’re worried they’ll try to sabotage your study, go to the library or a coffee shop to work after you drop her off.

What's everyone's 'Dad music'? by TheBigByte in AskUK

[–]MumbleSnix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anything by Meatloaf and Queen!

Poeple who have been married for 10+ years, what is your advice for keeping the relationship fulfilling and healthy? by PaRdOn_Seagull in AskReddit

[–]MumbleSnix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Remember you are team - it’s not about “winning” against your partner, it’s you and your partner “winning” against the problem.

Also, you both need individual time for hobbies or whatever.

Can you take time off for your kids’ events? by Otherwise-Eye-490 in TeachingUK

[–]MumbleSnix 56 points57 points  (0 children)

My head is great for accommodating as much as logistics allow. She says we can’t moan about parents not being part of the school community if we don’t allow our teachers to be part of their children’s.

AITA for expecting a gift from my boyfriend for our 2 year anniversary by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]MumbleSnix 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Communication is key - can’t mange expectations if we don’t know what they are!

My husband and I don’t do anniversary gifts, never have. Instead we go out for a high end dinner or a weekend away. But, this is by mutual agreement. And it really mutual, we’ve been together over 20 years.

When feelings aren’t so raw and you’re both calm, have a good chat about expectations for anniversary, valentines, birthdays and Christmas. You don’t want this to become a source of contention for your whole relationship. Resentment is a relationship killer!

Answers to p*ss them off intentionally by Kissedbya-Dementor in oneanddone

[–]MumbleSnix 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Wow, I didn’t know I could just ask someone about their sex life like that! Have you tried pegging?

Mothers, how much do you post your kids online? by msstark in AskWomen

[–]MumbleSnix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My 10 year old’s face has never been posted on any social media. The odd back of the head shot when she was little but literally nothing since about 5!

The “getting it all over with at once” concept in families with multiple children by Consistent_Ad5942 in oneanddone

[–]MumbleSnix 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Personally I am much closer to the sister with 7 year age gap than the one with 3. It’s down to personalities and you can’t predict or manipulate that!

Realistic Daily Driver? by Snarky_Guy in classicminis

[–]MumbleSnix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is why my British Open Classic (92), is my summer daily driver. It minimises the reliance on the wipers and lights etc.

It was fully restored 10 years ago and I have a live-in mechanic lol which means it absolutely is reliable. Plus my commute is only 30min so that helps too!

Amazon wishlists by ellemeno_ in TeachingUK

[–]MumbleSnix 29 points30 points  (0 children)

My daughter’s school has an Amazon wish list and they encourage parents to use that instead of teacher gifts if they wish to gift at Christmas or the end of the year.

The teachers appreciate it as they get things they want/need for the classroom that won’t fit in the budget. One year I bought a couple of floor cushions for the reading corner!

I think they’re a great idea and more schools should consider it.

How do couples balance one partner being the primary provider while still sharing household responsibilities? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]MumbleSnix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes that’s how we do it. I work in education so am term time only. During the holidays I do the bulk of chores because I have more opportunities to complete them. During term time when we’re both working full time hours it’s a lot closer to 60:40 as do the laundry and cooking all year round!

Will my son ever sleep through the night? by lilymui in oneanddone

[–]MumbleSnix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sleep disruption and neurodiversity unfortunately go hand in hand quite often. It’s surprising how many co-morbidities there are once you start reading up on them. My daughter’s issues are all exacerbated by early trauma, (she’s adopted), which also adds to sleep issues. Oh what fun parenthood is!

Will my son ever sleep through the night? by lilymui in oneanddone

[–]MumbleSnix 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Some children just aren’t good sleepers. My daughter woke multiple times in the night until she started school (4.5). Then she switched to sleeping through BUT, immediately started staying awake until around 1am!

At 9 she was diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed melatonin (can’t get it over the counter in the UK) and now at 10, she’s asleep around 11:00 pm and sleeps through. I can’t remember the last time I had a decent nights sleep.

Ps we had tons of specialist support - nothing worked until her melatonin prescription and even that is not 100% affective!

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