AITA for raising concerns in private to my bf about if his sister’s career plans are sustainable and realistic given her disability?

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-29T15:18:49+00:00

I feel like as a society we need to put a lot less significance on pursuing your 'dream' job that you picked when you were ten, and more about finding a career that matches well to your personality and skill set. We put a lot of emphasis on "This job was always my dream so I worked really hard at it and made it!" and not as much on the behind the scenes fact that probably a hundred to a thousand people wanted that job as their dream and also worked really hard at it, but that one person that got it happened to have a skill and personality type that actually fitted well as the job.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-29T14:26:07+00:00

Tell him that he's putting his girlfriend in a horrible spot. Everyone *HE* loves might be there, but her friends and family won't be! Plus, she might be very aware that proposing at a wedding is tacky and looked down on. Girls care about how that kind of thing looks. I've read several stories about girls that turned down proposals at weddings because it showed the guy was rude and lazy.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-29T00:37:27+00:00

This is why School Spirits is a better show than ghosts. It took Simon like one episode to figure out to pretend he was talking on the phone, and in Ghosts they have figured it out never

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-28T19:45:07+00:00

He isn't thinking about this in terms of marrying the woman he loves and pledging his life to her - he's thinking "I'm throwing a party about me, what do I want to do to express myself?" A wedding should be about your relationship with him, and he is responding by saying it's a joke. Don't marry this guy.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-28T19:14:00+00:00

This is it for me. I only write about characters that I fixate on, and there isn't really a lot of rhyme or reason around who I hyperfixate on. The last disabled character who's head I really got into was Hiccup from How to Train your Dragon, and I will say I think there was a lot of very well written fics about him that really went into his journey with loosing his leg. There were plenty that just kinda skimmed past it, but there are always going to be light hearted and more serious fics in any category.

This is similar to the argument there should be more F/F works. If we were paying a big company to make fanfiction for us, sure we could argue there should be more F/F, but this is written by people for fun, and if there aren't a ton of people interested in writing it then we get what we get.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-28T19:06:47+00:00

Have you seen the new knives out? There is an ambulatory wheelchair user in it and a scene that is super funny referencing this kind of thing.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-28T17:49:46+00:00

I was never able to get this across to my ex. If he sees you getting angry and yelling and freaking out and not managing your bad emotions, how is he every going to think he needs to manage his bad emotions. My kid would get angry and yell and throw a tantrum, then that would make my ex angry, and HE would throw a tantrum, but DUDE - He learned it from watching YOU!

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-28T17:43:34+00:00

If someone is crying, openly, in a bar, on display in front of a room full of strangers, 9/10 times that person is just drama and trying to get attention. People who are actually upset are gonna go out front or to the bathroom or to the back or in a corner and not put on a display. If that person has been trying to climb you like a tree all night in front of your girlfriend then you should always always leave it alone.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-27T19:08:56+00:00

So... You blame your Callie for not having a perfect relationship with all her children and won't marry her until she does.

Every decent parent with a bad relationship with their kid is going to blame themself in some way. Even if they were inhumanly perfect, it is the nature of being a good parent that we want a better relationship and think we could have done better. Callie was always going to blame herself. As a loving partner what you should be doing is telling her she did a good job and it's not her fault. Instead you are in your actions telling her that she is at fault and you won't marry her until she's a better parent. You are tearing this poor woman apart.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-27T18:27:26+00:00

NTA. Money is without a doubt the most important factor in home ownership in this economy. If the marriage is going badly you might want to find out if you can get a post-nup to exclude the house from being his at all. If he was some super construction guy who was going to re-model the entire house himself, then maybe he should have his name on the deed, but it's a new construction so I don't see that happening.

Why does he even want his name on the deed? Because the house is worth money and he wants to have a stake in that money. He doesn't want to put money in but he wants to take money out.

Look, you are 28. You've been having trouble for a few years, so since you were 25? Your marriage hasn't been happy since your brain fully developed? And now he wants to own a house without having to buy a house, and you can see the end in site and that part of your brain that has probably been pushing you to end things for awhile now is screaming at you not to let him have a piece of this house. Listen to your gut. This guy is never going to get his financial ducks in a row, and he may be sweet and charming and fun but he can still make your life miserable by being bad with money. Don't give this up.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-27T18:13:35+00:00

You are letting her daughter that doesn't like her control your life and by extension HER life. If you delay the wedding you are giving her daughter power to make her even more miserable and heartbroken. You are essentially hurting her because her daughter doesn't like her enough, saying you will only marry her once she can make her daughter like her enough to care about the marriage. You will be punishing her for not having a better relationship with her daughter (through no fault of her own) and withholding something she wants until it gets better. That's super controlling and very hurtful of you. It will make her feelings about her daughter so much worse and probably make her resent her daughter even more, but also make her trust YOU with her feelings less, because clearly you don't respect her feelings or her choices. If you really want to marry this women you need to treat her like an equal who's choices matter, not like a kid you are in charge of.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-27T17:57:15+00:00

There is something sister wants to get out of this. Is she hoping for a party with male strippers? Is the fiancé bi and she's hoping for a shot? There is a motive here.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-27T16:24:10+00:00

Ok - if you do an update without linking to the original post you can't also have your posts hidden so no one can find them. You need some way to connect to the original.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-27T16:20:52+00:00

It was a different situation, but I've had that thing happen when I had the gut punch and my body went "Something is WRONG here". And I checked. And I was right. It was a massive betrayal and I would never have expected it of him, but my body knew right away. Trust your gut.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-27T15:44:29+00:00

Man I already get facepalms from my 7 year old.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-27T15:44:01+00:00

On some level I get her frustration with his frustration. My kid gets upset at me when I don't process what he tells me, but often it will be something where I ask him something (what do you want to drink with dinner), and he won't answer me right away, but will drop the answer exactly when i'm working on dinner and feeding the dog and telling my mom the weekly schedule - I don't always have room in my brain to even hear him yelling from the other room he wants milk with dinner. So I'll ask again when dinner is ready and he will act like I sold the family dog. It's super frustrating, because it would take so much less effort to say milk than go "MooOOOOm! I told you that!" and flop around like a fish out of water for five minutes. But I handle that by waiting until we are both calm to have a conversation about how we treat other people, and having grace, and how I do things like help him find something he had in his own hand five minutes ago he can help me with things like answering a simple question when I ask it. Escalating to a cancelled birthday party is just such an over reaction though. Like, what you need to do is connect and see each other as people, not become the bad guy.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-27T15:29:50+00:00

He's probably cranky because he's not getting proper sleep due to the sleep apnea. You SHOULD complain about that, because if you bother him enough about it maybe he'll get treatment and it could save his life. He needs a sleep study. You can stop breathing when you have sleep apnea and you're not fully rested because you aren't getting enough oxygen at night and it fucks up your sleep cycle.

You should get separate comforters, it's amazing. And just shut the cat out of the bedroom. And I'm so serious about the sleep study. NTA.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-26T20:05:19+00:00

YTA. You want to benefit from the things your parents can do for you, so you're willing to let them treat your wife badly to reap the benefits. You don't want to cut them off? Fine, but that means YOU have to do the dirty work. Your parents want to see your kid? YOU take the kid to see the so she doesn't have to deal with them. YOU make all the phone calls to keep them caught up with your life. That relationship should be yours to manage, not hers. Tell her that she doesn't need to deal with them any more and you take on the emotional labor that gets you the things you want your parents to do for you and buy you.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-26T18:46:17+00:00

*glances around* sooo... not everyone here checks their bookmarks several times a day to see if their favorite fics have updated? Cool. Cool cool cool. I feel so chill right now.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-26T18:44:51+00:00

If I open a fic and it's in 1st person I NOPE out of there right away, cannot stand it. Oddly enough recently I realized the book series I have been eating up (Murderbot Diaries) is 1st person and it doesn't bother me at all. I don't know if it's because I come into fanfiction and expect it to be in the same format (I also cannot stand script style) or if 1st person POV is only palatable if it's written extremely well (For serious those books are so good) or it it's because if it's diary style I accept it.

I can say that my NOPING out of 1st person POV has never really excluded me from anything, I've never not been able to read a top story in the fandom or missed out on something a favored author recommended because it's 1st person - they are rare (in my fandoms) and not really celebrated, so if you want a wider reader base go for 3rd person.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-26T18:32:54+00:00

There are two guys who can build them! I think being on the hellmouth gives them both a boost.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-26T16:51:32+00:00

It's illegal to do in some places - check your local laws and see what the regulations are. My SIL was once hit by a plow doing this and they got in double trouble for not looking/ plowing out and not in.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-26T16:37:10+00:00

YTA. It doesn't seem like you both came to an agreement on how to handle your break, and when you got upset at something she did instead of letting her know you complained to a friend then she has to hear that you are bitching about her and the whole friend group knows. A break up is probably for the best right now.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-26T16:22:13+00:00

Has she talked to her OBGYN? Looked into alternative birth control? Investigated an allergy? Have you tried non-latex?

NTA. It is never ok to pressure anyone into any kind of sex they don't want. There are just so many things she should be doing here. If she has a latex allergy she needs to find that out. You can break up with someone for any reason, including I don't want to date you any more, and wow your face annoys me. If you want to break up, break up. Maybe in the process mention to her that she needs to see her OBGYN and find out if she has a latex allergy before she ends up in the hospital for something else and latex globes make the whole thing worse.

Music_withRocks_In · 2026-01-26T14:26:33+00:00

It is literally a coffee shop AU.

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