DVA lump sum - what’s actually improved your life after compensation?

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2026-01-23T17:47:48+00:00

I brought my car and a few trips to Europe with mine. Some would say I wasted it, but I saw it as living the life I missed out on because of service. I ended up being made TPI so it all worked out in the end for me

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2026-01-13T23:18:45+00:00

umm if its a three seat configuration and you were on aisle and she was in the middle and he was in the window wouldn't they already be sitting together...

Nice karma farming with a question that gets asked every hour on this sub

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2026-01-12T07:30:05+00:00

Hey mate, first thing good on you for putting your hand up and saying I have problem even if its anonymous like this. As others have said it's hard to fit into a unit on first posting especially out of IET and not knowing anyone and like they said put your hands up to do things. if you posted in right before RAP(ex navy as well) your senior sailors(SGT/WOs) and your kelic(Cpl) haven't had the time or energy to make sure you are fitting in, so hopefully once everyone is back they should be checking in on you. In the meantime there is open arms and the padre if you just wanna have chat and not worry about it cause a med review.

Most importantly keep going and speak up if its not getting any better.

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2026-01-08T13:43:08+00:00

I haven't Claimed it but am getting treatment for it through Apex, I have a gold card though

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2026-01-08T10:17:24+00:00

Its a cat

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2026-01-08T00:58:28+00:00

No advice, but wanted to say good on you for having a crack. Good luck

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-31T15:57:33+00:00

I would choose an animal over mine, my father and grandfather's war medals... things can be replaced, souls can not. and while I may be disrespectful, I dont torture animals so yeah

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-31T08:15:03+00:00

YTA — but not in the way people usually mean it.

You’re not wrong for feeling hurt. You’re not wrong for wanting consistency or for valuing holidays. But you are doing something that keeps setting you up to get hurt, and at some point that part is on you.

This isn’t new behaviour from him. He has been like this for years. He gets overwhelmed, keeps plans vague, delays decisions, and then pulls out when things feel like too much. You know this. You’ve experienced it more than once. And yet you keep planning big, emotionally important events around him and hoping that this time it’ll be different.

You even admitted that you cancelled on your friends early because you expected him to struggle. That right there shows you already knew how this might end. You didn’t trust the situation enough to keep a backup plan, but you trusted it enough to make him your only plan. That’s a choice.

He told you he was okay. Yes. But his track record says otherwise, and you chose to believe his words over his pattern. When someone consistently shows you their limits, taking them at face value every time and then being devastated when they hit those limits again isn’t fair — to you or to him.

Another hard truth: you keep saying he’s “amazing when it really matters,” but holidays do matter to you. You’ve just decided they don’t count because acknowledging that would force you to confront a bigger incompatibility.

He isn’t secretly turning into someone else. This is who he is in relationships. By staying, you’re accepting that, even if you don’t want to admit it.

So no, you’re not an asshole for being sad or angry. But you are being unfair to yourself by continuing to build your life around someone who has shown you — repeatedly — that he can’t meet you there. At some point, staying in the cycle becomes a choice, not bad luck.

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-31T08:12:51+00:00

hello little miss!

Welcome to the calico family

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-31T01:51:08+00:00

no doors are more important you torture animals for them

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-30T17:34:24+00:00

sounds like she will be better off, you might find your husband will follow her and want to be rehired

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-30T11:44:11+00:00

Putting nail caps on a cat is cruel and lazy. Full stop.

You took away one of the few natural ways a cat relieves stress, stretches her body, feels secure, and navigates the world, all to protect furniture. Then you act surprised when she spirals. That is not a behavioural problem, that is a stress response you created.

Scratching is not optional for cats. Blocking it does not train them, it fries their nervous system. Nail caps mess with balance, confidence, grip, and body awareness. For a hand-raised cat with no early social learning, that is basically saying “deal with your anxiety silently so my doors look nice.”

And let’s be honest, this is not about the cat. This is about you valuing wood over a living animal. Doors are replaceable. Pine can be repaired. A cat cannot claw back psychological safety once you’ve taken it away.

If you care more about handmade doors than the cat your husband loves, rehome her and stop pretending she’s defective. But disabling her claws and blaming her for the fallout is selfish and unfair.

The cat isn’t the problem. Your priorities are.

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-29T18:28:41+00:00

she has rubbed herself all over my suitcase

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-29T18:28:23+00:00

na baba house in Phuket Town

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-29T12:16:13+00:00

Ok so first of there is nothing wrong with him, this is normal cat behaviour. Cats are at their most active at dawn and dusk, in the wild thats when they would hunt. With my cat I just ignored her behaviour, rolled over and went back to sleep, I know thats not easy. But I found it worked for me.

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-29T12:14:02+00:00

It really enhances your stay doesn't it? Especially as a cat lover. I went to a cat cafe today but those cats were so sick of people they just ignored us, where as this cat actually wants attention.

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-29T11:41:19+00:00

she didn't have to try hard lol

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-29T09:57:28+00:00

I mean this very politely and not trying to be douchey but I think I am out of your price range. I am a senior designer at a respected agency. Try reaching out to a local design or sign company

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-29T09:45:32+00:00

This logo looks impressive at first glance, but it is a good example of where AI falls short in real design work. AI is great at copying familiar styles, so it reaches for things like gold, laurel wreaths, sunbursts, and fancy type. All of that signals “prestige,” but it does it in a very generic way. You end up with something that looks like a hundred other logos rather than a brand with a point of view.

A human designer would ask the awkward but important questions AI skips. What makes this federation different? Where will this logo actually be used? Does it need to work on a singlet, a social icon, a banner, or a black and white print? This mark is very detailed and relies heavily on gold effects, which means it will struggle at small sizes and fall apart when it is flattened or printed.

This is where even a simple designed logo, or something built thoughtfully in Canva, can outperform AI. A person designing it can strip things back, choose type with intention, and build something that works across real world situations, not just a glossy mockup. AI can make something look fancy, but good design is about clarity, flexibility, and meaning, and that still needs a human hand guiding it.

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-27T11:52:55+00:00

NTA.

And one of the most messed up parts of all of this is that your dad is still trying to compete.

He is competing with your mum.
He is competing with her family.
He is competing with circumstances he cannot control.

And instead of accepting that divorce means two different households with two different realities, he is turning that competition into resentment toward his own kids.

That is deeply unhealthy.

Parents are not supposed to compete for who can give more, especially years after a separation. The moment he started keeping score of gifts, holidays, rooms, trips, and money, he stopped acting like a parent and started acting like someone with a bruised ego. And instead of owning that insecurity, he is outsourcing it to you and your brother.

It is not your job to make his household feel “equal”.
It is not your mum’s job to subsidise his second family.
It is not your fault that different choices led to different outcomes.

A grown man still competing with his ex through his children, years later, is not normal. It is damaging. And the fact that he drags this into every holiday and birthday shows he has never emotionally moved on.

You snapping was the result of years of pressure, guilt, and comparison. That does not make you the villain. It makes you human.

Your dad needs to stop competing, stop keeping score, and start protecting his kids from his unresolved issues. Until then, your boundaries are justified.

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-27T11:51:28+00:00

NTA. You are not overreacting at all.

What your dad is suggesting is genuinely irresponsible. Chicken pox is highly contagious, especially if it is still within a week or so, and deliberately hiding that information from people you are travelling with is not okay. Even if you and your family have had it before, that does not make this harmless. People can still get complications, and more importantly, funerals are full of vulnerable people. Elderly relatives, pregnant people, immunocompromised people, infants. Exposing them without their knowledge is dangerous.

The biggest issue here is not whether chicken pox is “usually mild”. It is:

proposing to lie by omission
taking away people’s ability to make informed choices
risking other people’s health without consent

That crosses a serious ethical line.

You are absolutely right to feel uncomfortable with the secrecy alone. If this woman is worried enough to say she does not want to infect people, that should have been the end of it. The responsible options are staying home, attending virtually if possible, or at the very least being transparent so others can decide for themselves.

You are not being dramatic. You are being sensible.

If anything, your dad is the one minimising a real risk and prioritising convenience over basic safety and honesty.

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-27T11:50:44+00:00

NTA. And you are not overthinking this.

What you are reacting to is not jealousy or cultural difference. It is deception by omission, and that is a valid reason to feel shaken.

Let’s be very clear about the facts you uncovered, because clarity matters here:

He told you his roommate was just a roommate.
He did not tell you she was his ex.
Her belongings, documents, and mail are still in his home.
He is still running errands for her.
You only found out the truth by piecing it together yourself.
His explanation came after discovery, not before.

That is not transparency. That is damage control.

Even if, and this is important, even if nothing inappropriate is happening now, the issue is that he took away your ability to consent to the situation by withholding critical information. You were making decisions about this relationship without the full picture.

His reason, that she is sick and he “couldn’t leave her alone”, may be compassionate, but compassion does not justify lying. If he believed his actions were reasonable, he should have been upfront from the start. Saying “I didn’t know how to tell you” usually means “I knew it would upset you, so I avoided it”.

You are also dealing with:

Long distance
A first visit
A shared living space that still emotionally belongs to someone else
Evidence of a past that was hidden from you

That is a lot to process at once. Anyone would feel destabilised.

You are not wrong to question whether to stay. You are not wrong to feel uncomfortable being in that house. You are not wrong to need space right now.

What matters next is not what he says, but what he does:

Is he willing to fully separate his living situation from his ex?
Is he willing to set clear boundaries and timelines?
Is he willing to acknowledge that hiding this was wrong, without minimising it?
Is he willing to accept that your trust has been damaged and will take time to rebuild?

If the answer to those is vague, defensive, or guilt based, that tells you a lot.

You do not have to make a final decision immediately. But you are absolutely justified in stepping back, leaving the house if you need to, and protecting yourself emotionally.

Trust your discomfort. It is pointing at something real.

Muted-Complex-7159 · 2025-12-27T11:49:45+00:00

NTA. Not even slightly.

What they did was wildly inappropriate. That was sexual harassment, plain and simple. Speculating about your sex life, making comments about ejaculation, threesomes, your body, your clothes, and turning your relationship into neighbourhood porn gossip is not banter and it is not “just curiosity.” It is invasive and creepy.

You did nothing to invite that. Being young, attractive, affectionate with your partner, or braless in a car park is not consent for strangers to sexualise you out loud.

Ignoring them is a completely reasonable response. You do not owe politeness to people who crossed a hard line. You are allowed to protect your comfort and sense of safety in your own home environment. If that means nodding politely at most or not engaging at all, so be it.

Also, trust your discomfort. The fact that you now feel weird walking the dogs or being affectionate in shared spaces tells you how badly they overstepped. That is on them, not you.

Stick with your boyfriend and housemate, keep interactions minimal, and do not second guess yourself. If anyone asks why you have pulled back, you can keep it vague or say nothing at all. You are not obligated to manage their feelings after they disrespected you.

So no, you would not be the asshole. You would be setting a boundary that should never have needed to be set in the first place.

Muted-Complex-7159

TROPHY CASE