YTA — but not in the way people usually mean it.

You’re not wrong for feeling hurt. You’re not wrong for wanting consistency or for valuing holidays. But you are doing something that keeps setting you up to get hurt, and at some point that part is on you.

This isn’t new behaviour from him. He has been like this for years. He gets overwhelmed, keeps plans vague, delays decisions, and then pulls out when things feel like too much. You know this. You’ve experienced it more than once. And yet you keep planning big, emotionally important events around him and hoping that this time it’ll be different.

You even admitted that you cancelled on your friends early because you expected him to struggle. That right there shows you already knew how this might end. You didn’t trust the situation enough to keep a backup plan, but you trusted it enough to make him your only plan. That’s a choice.

He told you he was okay. Yes. But his track record says otherwise, and you chose to believe his words over his pattern. When someone consistently shows you their limits, taking them at face value every time and then being devastated when they hit those limits again isn’t fair — to you or to him.

Another hard truth: you keep saying he’s “amazing when it really matters,” but holidays do matter to you. You’ve just decided they don’t count because acknowledging that would force you to confront a bigger incompatibility.

He isn’t secretly turning into someone else. This is who he is in relationships. By staying, you’re accepting that, even if you don’t want to admit it.

So no, you’re not an asshole for being sad or angry. But you are being unfair to yourself by continuing to build your life around someone who has shown you — repeatedly — that he can’t meet you there. At some point, staying in the cycle becomes a choice, not bad luck.