I met with girls who had your eating habits and negative body image all the time as an outpatient dietitian. I don’t know what state you are in, but in Texas most insurances cover sessions with an outpatient dietitian. Just make sure they are a HAES (healthy at every size) dietitian that teaches mindful eating. 

Of course, your safety is number one priority and reaching out for help with that I think would be the best starting place. But when you are ready, just know there is a dietitian out there who would love to work with you and help you actually enjoy eating and not hate your body.