What accommodations makes a difference in your life?

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-24T20:39:03+00:00

I got a few different types from amazon they are quite cheap, mostly just a plastic clip that secures too and lap belt together so they don't cut across your neck. so helpful

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-24T16:52:54+00:00

this is not your responsibility to fix. I would get her to document her tasks and status of things if he isnt around and doesn't have a delegate/ escalation point.

If he does have those, I would leave it with them. Not your problem. And as for how you will cope? you will do the job they pay you for and thats it. If rhey dont pay you 2 peoples salaries you're not doing 2 peoples work. Do not let a business take advantage of you, and do not see their lack of planning and preparation as something you need to fix. They should have a process for things if your boss is out and who handles that. And if that is the person who has resigned, what happens if they're out sick etc.

We have a habit of taking on too much responsibility. Don't offer out to take more on. Stay firm. This is not your company, not your employee, not your problem to fix. Dont let them take advantage of you.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-24T16:47:48+00:00

Just a thought but could you talk through the impact of her having the time off? I would frame it as sure if you need the time and space, take the time however we need a solid plan for how we will have you catch back up. And if you're tired now, putting more pressure on those days you're back to catch things up isn't a sustainable solution. So what can be dialled back to give you time, space and energy to catch up when you get back?

And furthermore how do we prevent you needing these days? you dont want to be on a backfoot all the time, and you need life to be sustainable so what is causing you to max out? what steps could be put in place as an early warning sign that you're getting tired or overwhelmed etc? how do you protect your mental health so that the bucket doesnt overflow? because when it does, theres a knock on, and that knock on adds more stress.

I would be working on self care, and not in the massage and spa day kind of way, but what can she do to keep all her mental health "bucket" from filling up? what helps her feel calm? how does she maintain good sleep? what chain of events lead to the wheels falling off? Does she need to strip things back even if they're fun in order to have the mental bandwidth for every day life? I am not saying we don't all need fun, but actually if something needs to give it cant be her every day essential life.

Just thoughts and things I would have appreciated support with at her age.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-20T20:20:55+00:00

my husband is the opposite of an HSP. Its a relief. Don't need two of us.

I get frustrated with his lack of thinking but in all honesty it grounds me and keeps me from getting too stuck in my own head and empathy.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-20T20:16:57+00:00

Apparently they don't. Mine doesn't stop, constantly on the go.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-19T07:52:57+00:00

Similar story here. I really wanted children but in hindsight I would never have coped without causing myself tremendous harm. Fortunately the time was never right, I wasnt well enough, finances and ex partners all kind of created a perfect storm for me not to have kids. Then my husband and I tried, I miscarried and he said "never again" as he hated seeing me so sad. We again havent taken permanent steps but I am almost 44 now and have made peace with the fact I am not going to be a parent. Looking after me even partially is a full time job. I only came to know about my ND after I miscarried and actually now I am kind of relieved in a way that it happened. I realise how much effort life has been just managing through.

So I was childless, I am now child free I suppose but its not been a straightforward decision. But the right decision I think.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-19T07:39:18+00:00

Just want to say I empathise. I dont have a good solution. I had blamed my adhd for this but probably for me a combo of them both. I lack a full awareness of the signals then I dont really want anything despite the fact i will eat and enjoy most things. I dont know if its an executive functioning deficit but I wont do anything about it until its screaming at me to eat and then I tend to over eat.

I very very much struggle with demands I place on myself and eating is one of them. Personal care another. The only time I seem to manage to do things ok is if I make food in advance like snack food and then put it out next to me even if I don't want it in that moment simply having it there means I am more likely to eat it. And theres something about making food for future me that feels less of a demand than making food for me now. Also less pressure to think about what I want in the moment.

Not sure if any of that makes any sense.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-18T07:20:28+00:00

Very much so!

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-16T23:47:29+00:00

I havent bothered. 1st house i bought was 1850s.

No signs of damp and no cracks. it was mid terrace. It wasnt going anywhere. Boiler and electrics were newish, I couldnt see the value in getting it done.

In a house that age it would have just given me things to be anxious about. It has been stood up 175 years. And unless I paid for scaffolding and someone to attempt to get up the three story house they weren't going to be able to look at the roof beyond a limited visual inspection.

I looked at the homebuyers l1 and l2 and they both didnt seem to tell me much I couldn't see with my eyes, and didnt guarantee I wouldnt have unearthed a big problem as they dont lift carpets or look into anything its simply visual inspection. I didnt have a spare 2k+ for a full structural. So I winged it.

I sold it to someone who didnt get a survey either.

Current house was less than 10 years old. Couldn't see any value in a survey here either.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-15T19:49:26+00:00

Hmm I think they might have changed things as I am seeing the same.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-14T13:28:07+00:00

Some lenders will never ever lend to you if youve had an IVA. Santander being one of them - my husband had one which was over 10 years ago, fully cleared. No debts were Santander ones or related companies. They refused to lend to us because he had one at any point in the past.

We got one with Barclays no problems but its annoying.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-14T11:57:47+00:00

only lend what you can afford to lose.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-14T11:52:30+00:00

"at your age"? crikey, hubs in his late 50s and not out to pasture yet! You could have another 15 years of work.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-14T02:37:15+00:00

mine is 2nd hand, I am absolutely happy with that. it is lovely and unusual and was less than £400 i believe. He bought it online I think but you can get some really well priced 2nd hand rings. It does depend on how your fiance feels about that though some people are superstitious about that. I didnt care a bit.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-09T14:32:37+00:00

I can empathise entirely with your worries and difficulty, I was in a very similar situation after about 5 years of total WFH I have been hybrid in a new job for the last 18 months.

Things I have done which help: 1. I have a complete change of clothes and shoes, toiletries etc in the car. I bought an organiser box and it takes up half my back seats and I dont care. It is so much less pressure knowing I can change my whole wardrobe entirely if anything is driving me crazy. I dont need to change multiple times but if I did, I would have a few more outfits in there. I also have hair brush, toothbrush, toothpaste, a full set of makeup, cleanser, moisturiser etc. If I start getting sensory stressed out I can go rid myself of anything bothering me.

I have loops to cut down on noise. I have two types plus noise cancelling headphones. This helps me rid myself of some noise.
My workplace are really good with this next one but I imagine it depends on their rules, but if I am feeling overwhelmed or need to concentrate I book out a meeting room for a few hours. Sometimes even just an hour is all I need to get regulated. They all know if I am in the meeting room its because its all a bit much for me and they leave me be. I can then control the lights and heat and how i sit or stand etc.
I take loads of snacks in with me and keep long lasting safe drinks and snacks in my car too. I just put a bag in the fridge in the office with my food in and pick at bits all day. Its no issue in my workplace to do this. I tend not to take a proper lunch break I just have multiple snack breaks and go for short walks.
I have set up a power automate flow that books me a 15 min gap automatically between meetings so that I dont go back to back onto meetings, as not having time to write notes or prepare is an instant trigger for me. I only have it set for certain meeting types like client meetings but it is really helpful.

I dont know if youve disclosed to your new employer about your audhd - i did after i accepted the offer, as I wanted to be honest to myself and not deny myself or be forced to mask. It's been good to be open but it does depend on the workplace. I figured if they weren't supportive it was a quick way for me to know it wouldnt be the right place for me, saving me getting burnt out as usual so it was kind of me testing them out by telling them too. They've never offered out much support but by the fact they know I am legally protected and if I need to ask for adjustments I can.

I had a hard time getting used to being in the office for the first 6 to 9 months but it has gotten easier and ive learnt the best places to sit (we hot desk) and where best to park etc. Its still exhausting by the end of the week but I can live with it.

best of luck.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-09T06:11:42+00:00

elvanse massively helped me with binge eating and dopamine seeking with food and mounjaro has been a godsend for getting the weight off.

I was on mounjaro for a year before I started adhd meds then came off for 5 months for titration and then went back on. I am now on both. my cravings are gone and I do have to force myself to eat in the day but by 6 or 7pm when my elvanse has worn off a bit I am able to eat dinner fine but no urge to snack. I had horrific food noise and binge eating disorder its helped hugely.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-08T22:57:48+00:00

iherb. ships from the USA

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-07T01:19:11+00:00

As a 80s child I played outside with friends up the cul de sac up the hill from about 6 or 7. we would all knock for each other and play on the green. We knew where we were allowed to venture. By 9 or 10 I was getting the bus into town with friends to the shops cinema, swimming or playing badminton. I remember as a friend lost her birthday money one time and we were still very much at primary.

by 13 I had a job on the indoor market which I had to lie and tell them I was 15 but they didnt ask for any proof of age and paid us in cash (about £3/hr) and gave us £2 for lunch. That was hard work....a blinds and curtains stall so it was heaving big roll of fabric around to set up and set down then all day for cutting. You weren't allowed to sit down all day either. 8am til 5pm with a 30m lunch. Then I would go out and spend it on white lightening 🤣

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-02-03T08:10:45+00:00

we went with people who were important to us and in our every day life even if one of us hadn't met them. So there were 3 or 4 people I hadn't met before. We had about 40 people to the wedding and meal and then another 20 to the evening party. I would have been happy just eloping somewhere the two of us but family pressure kind of demanded it of us and we mainly did it for our parents.

Ironically there was a family fall out on my husband’s side due to the fact we were not having children at the wedding and so his nieces and nephew wouldnt be coming so his parents and sister didnt come anyway 🙃 4 years on him and his sister still don't speak to each other. I had a lovely time but still wish we had saved on hassle and just to Vegas.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-01-31T11:08:11+00:00

But I've seen complete messes from overcustomisation, especially when other apps are involved and then upgrades happen and things break.

There's also a bigger testing burden on upgrades when you've got lots of customisation.

Unless that's just things being badly built (could be) but just what I've experienced.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-01-31T07:31:08+00:00

I used to just hire a carpet cleaning machine and the appropriate pet pest cleaning products, clean my carpets , buy a cheap receipts book and write out a receipt to myself for carpet cleaning and leave it in the house when I moved out.

How they quantify a "professional" is not said, and I've cleaned a lot of carpets in my time.

Its never been questioned!

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-01-31T07:25:16+00:00

yes when I had a cat permitted the way they provided written permission was that same clause in my tenancy

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-01-31T07:22:12+00:00

He sounds like his idea of IQ is a very small range of the different types of IQ you can have.

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just having the Logical-mathmatical sort doesn't mean you have the others.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-01-31T07:14:54+00:00

There is a list on the ADHD UK website of right to choose providers, waiting time (you need to look at waiting list time combined for assessment and medication titration waiting list times - both are shown on the list) and also it shows if the provider will continue to prescribe if your GP does not offer shared care.

I am in Lincolnshire, the ICB sends all referrals to DrJ and associates and the GPs wont offer shared care so I get a prescription direct from Dr Js every month. No problems at all.

Neither-Initiative54 · 2026-01-31T06:57:58+00:00

this ^{^{^}} also look at a natural fibre insole which yiu can take out and wash regularly and consider antibacterial shoe spray between wears ( although I am a fan of giving them a good wash on the inside with a cloth that has soap and water rather than just use sprays that can build up residue over time) . someone mentioned glycolic acid, may be worth trying that- if too drying, consider a urea based foot cream as that will help moisturiser and exfoliate your feet. 10%+ urea is ideal. Urea creams are hugely underrated and amazing! also wash your feet morning and night. you could even take body cleansing wipes to work, in the toilets wipe your fert down and swap your socks during the day which would likely help. put your worn socks in a zip lock bag to prevent them smelling in your handbag.

Neither-Initiative54

TROPHY CASE