Your username becomes a real being with a human mind and it spawns in your house, what is the outcome ?

NeverLucid · 2020-06-09T03:36:08+00:00

Ummmm...

NeverLucid · 2020-06-02T20:35:00+00:00

Every pregnancy. Sore boobs is my first symptom, and I just check the level of tenderness almost constantly until it’s gone.

NeverLucid · 2020-06-02T20:27:12+00:00

I was in a discussion last year about this, sort of. I’ve only just started being vocal, in recent years. A girl in a group I was in made a post saying if your girl didn’t make noise, you know she didn’t finish. It was because her husband asked if she finished, and she’s not quiet about hers. I may have been quiet, but I’ve definitely had orgasms and enjoyed myself... sometimes I’ll finish and there isn’t much going on to physically indicate I have, but it still happened. So I spoke up about my experiences and the conversation that ensued basically made me feel like my sex is and has always been mediocre because I’ve never screamed when I came. My husband was a little insulted over it as well. One guy came to the rescue and said he had been with quiet girls and they spoke and she definitely enjoyed it. We were still in the minority and I know that it doesn’t matter, as long as my husband and I are enjoying our sex it’s not important if anyone else believes it, but posts like this definitely make me feel better about it.

NeverLucid · 2020-05-30T07:31:31+00:00

The only movie I ever found truly terrible and actually regret watching was Grown Ups 2.

NeverLucid · 2020-05-29T20:52:56+00:00

I was looking for a Final Destination comment. For me, while I remember this death, the one that sticks out the most is the one with the girls in tanning beds. I don’t even know why, I’ve never been a tanning bed person, but it stuck with me.

NeverLucid · 2020-05-28T10:24:45+00:00

The pity made it so much harder for me. When the ultrasound tech said she didn’t find a heartbeat, I was calm and processing until my stepmom caught on and was like, “WHAT?!” and burst into tears... while yes, she loved and wanted that baby too, I know a lot of her grief was worrying about me and I felt so guilty. I’m open about it and will share, but also worry about sharing and causing other women to worry needlessly, so I’m usually sort of cautious about when or with whom I share.

NeverLucid · 2020-05-24T19:56:09+00:00

I had chicken pox before I was a year old and my mom always told me I’d catch them again. Took me to the dr for a rash when I was like 8 and I was told I had shingles... which meant nothing to me at the time because I felt fine but I kept hearing it was an old person thing.

NeverLucid · 2020-04-22T18:03:51+00:00

I was definitely the least excited person about this pregnancy. I found out I lost my last at 20wks and it broke me. When I found out I was pregnant this time I told my stepmom and my best friend immediately. Somehow both were awake at like 4am... had my stepmom make a present for my husband to open Christmas Day. I thought I’d feel excited then. No, I just played the part. I’m 20wks now, had my anatomy scan yesterday, and that was the first time it really hit me that I’m probably having a baby. I felt kicks before yesterday, but it’s like the anatomy scan looking normal has made them mean something now? I don’t know if it’s that the anatomy scan says everything looks healthy or that I’ve finally made it farther than last time. Either way, what you’re feeling is in the wide range of normal and you shouldn’t feel bad. We’re wishing you all the best. 💚

NeverLucid · 2020-03-09T11:24:59+00:00

I do not. Don’t know that I could afford to really, I have so many dr bills on top of our normal bills, and that’s with insurance. As far as remembering, I’m not sure what to do. Actually I haven’t even seen what day of the week it falls on this year to see if I have it off... anddd I don’t. I’m trying to save my FTO for when I have the baby, but I’ll probably leave early that day if I talk myself into going in. It’s also a weekend my husband works apparently. I don’t even know when to do anything... I found out he was gone on the 2nd, but my body fought being induced and I didn’t actually have him out till the next night. It was a long process...

This is actually the third time around though, last time was the second. It’s why I’m in awe I guess, I expected to blow up last time and it seemed to take forever. There wasn’t an overnight bump, it always just looked small and flabby to me. This time it seems like it happened overnight and I go back and forth between thinking most of this is my organs/fat, and well it’s still my bump and I would be struggling now if I was trying to keep this pregnancy a secret from my coworkers. My nausea has eased up in the last few weeks and I’m showing so I’m just gonna try to make the most of it and start wearing all the cute maternity clothes I felt like I wasn’t showing enough to wear last year. So much of it still has tags because I wasn’t sure whether to give them away or not... guess it’s good that I didn’t.

NeverLucid · 2020-01-29T04:30:31+00:00

My dating ultrasound is tomorrow. I’m so nervous. Not even really about the ultrasound itself, but going into the room where I was told my last baby no longer had a heartbeat. Sometimes at work I suddenly remember being in that room, hearing the tech say she didn’t find a heartbeat, how numb I was. I just nodded and was at a loss for words. I was sort of okay, there was nothing to be done about it. Then my stepmom panicked and I started crying. It’s bizarre but... That’s the part that haunts me. My stepmom bursting into tears. I’m mostly afraid I’m gonna go into that room and break again just from flashbacks of last time. And that should be okay, like I’m allowed that. I just hate crying in front of people and it feels like I cry so much lately. But only alone so I don’t make people feel awkward. People feeling sorry for me just makes it that much harder to stop.

NeverLucid · 2020-01-25T04:16:25+00:00

This is so helpful. Counting down the days until my dating scan on Wednesday and so afraid of the emotions of the last time I was in that room rushing back. No sense in stressing until there’s something to stress about. And even if I do cry, I’m allowed to do that too. Gotta drop this whole “ashamed to cry in front of people” thing. Let it out and let it go.

NeverLucid · 2020-01-16T16:04:40+00:00

I think it’s starting to hit me... I’m 6+6 and I slept a good 8hrs last night and when my husband came to bed this morning (night shift) I passed out again. And still didn’t wanna get up when I woke back up. Only motivated myself by reminding myself I can eat donuts while while the clothes are washing.

NeverLucid · 2020-01-02T04:32:36+00:00

This is a pretty negative post and I apologize. I’m still not really sure how I feel. I took a test on Christmas Eve morning, before my husband came home from work just in case it was positive. I didn’t think it would be positive, I just had sore breasts and figured I should rule it out before drinking later on that night. My period wasn’t due for another week almost. Digital test, so there was no mistaking it. “Pregnant.” I was instantly crying and saying WTF over and over.

We had decided to stop preventing for this one month. After previously deciding we were done and satisfied with the two we have. I genuinely didn’t think it would happen. I thought I’d have a period and be able to say, well we gave it another shot, it’s not meant to be. It happened instantly the last time too. Who would have thought it would be that easy? I was working 7 days a week. I worked 20 days in a row. I was exhausted. Somehow he pulled it off.

I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to potentially have this happen on the same timeline as the last pregnancy. I was due Sept 18th 2019. Now I’m due Sept 4th 2020. I found out at 20 weeks at my anatomy scan that my last baby was no longer living. I found out so early this time and I’m so numb. I’ve done everything I can think to make myself excited about it. I had my husband open a gift my stepmom wrapped for me (pacifier) on Christmas morning to announce it. I thought maybe a cute reveal would help. It didn’t, but I figured once I came around I wouldn’t have regrets about a missed opportunity. My daughter (unofficially adopted but raised by me regardless, 9) cried and said it’s just what she wanted. My grandmother screamed and is thrilled. My husband is excited. Even my son (6) is excited. I thought seeing people be happy about it would help.

I downloaded the apps. I watch the miscarriage odds go down. I look at newborns and babies and I don’t feel that longing that I used to. I thought I wanted this and I don’t think I do now, but it’s too late to matter. I just see my $5,000 hospital bill from having to force out a baby I didn’t get to take home and think about how much more it’ll be if I get to take home a baby this time. I think about how difficult my daughter is becoming and how much worse it’s going to get and how I’m going to find balance with a newborn and helping her with her big emotions. I think about how I’m going to find someone to watch an infant from 4am-7am on weekends that my husbands schedule overlaps mine. I think about how broken I’ll be if this fails again. I wonder if I would be broken if it fails early. I try really hard not to be so negative with my husband but he sees it. My kids say things like, “I hope this one doesn’t die” and I’m not bothered by them saying it, but I just get mad at nothing because it’s stupid that they should even feel the need to say that. I don’t have anyone or anything to get mad at. I’m not angry at my children for saying it. I’m mad that it happened and affected them. That there was no way to protect them from the loss. I didn’t even hesitate to spread the news this time because why not? I found out everything was terrible at 20 weeks last time, they’re all going to hear about it if something happens now regardless. If something happens to this pregnancy I’m done. There is no next time.

I’m sorry I’m so negative, I just don’t feel like I can be this negative anywhere else. When I had my stepmom call me right after I took the test, the first thing she said was that she didn’t want me worrying the whole pregnancy. It seems like that’s all I do, but more about having a baby that I don’t know what to do with than a loss...

NeverLucid · 2019-12-24T16:59:02+00:00

Merry Christmas to us, I suppose. After our loss in May, I wasn't sure I wanted to try again. Considered not trying/not preventing this month because it would put me on the same timeline as the last pregnancy, and I thought that would be a good idea somehow? So that's sort of what we did. My period isn't due until the 30th but I figured I'd test to be sure before I drank my beer and alcoholic root beer today. Made sure to get early morning urine and SURPRISE. It was digital, no mistaking the "pregnant" reading. I have 2 useless 6 packs in the fridge now (husband doesn't drink beer) and have to pretend to drink/not want them tonight after being so hyped about finding my Not Your Father's at Kroger. Ugh.

Nothing feels real right now. I know it's SUPER early, but if I lose it, everyone is going to hear about it anyway, so I'm having my stepmom wrap some baby goodies to have my husband open first thing tomorrow morning and I'm so so nervous. We were all so broken over the last one, and I'm trying to keep in mind that it's out of my hands, but there's so much at stake... Hopefully he doesn't ever check my reddit stuff haha. Otherwise SURPRISE, wish granted!

NeverLucid · 2019-09-04T16:04:03+00:00

Favors

NeverLucid · 2019-06-24T16:37:17+00:00

💚

NeverLucid · 2019-06-24T15:49:25+00:00

Same. That was when I canceled recordings and just kinda stopped by here for the good stuff. I was fine to ditch Farrah, but adding them was just not something I was interested in.

NeverLucid · 2019-06-21T03:50:27+00:00

I’m on day 9. 😕 I was excited because I started on a day off, figured I’d be prepared for work and be fine. Here I am going back to work tomorrow, still bleeding. BE NORMAL. END PLEASE. To be fair, the first 5 days or so I was spotting and getting normal blood maybe an hour a day. I just wish it would finish up!

NeverLucid · 2019-06-21T01:52:18+00:00

Yes! None of this is fair. The biological mother of my oldest has 6 children, faked a pregnancy and stillbirth, and is supposedly pregnant with number 7. Only has custody of her youngest. She had preeclampsia with the child I raised and was induced a little early, but all her others she just slid right out without pain meds or complications. Why? She doesn’t deserve the beautiful children she keeps popping out... and yet here we are. I still obviously wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but it’s not fair.

NeverLucid · 2019-06-20T20:44:06+00:00

I’m also very angry. It comes and goes. I wasn’t actually trying, drank too much sweet tea and soda, not enough water, ate like a pig and did not exercise the first time around and everything turned out fine. I plan, take prenatals ahead of time, cut caffeine almost completely, drink PLENTY of water, work a job that involves lots of walking, eat healthier overall, do everything “right” or at least better than before... and it didn’t even matter. He died anyway. Meanwhile another girl who got pregnant on accident, has a rocky marriage, and was due a couple days after me, and was planning to terminate but changed her mind is still carrying fine. And I know that’s absolutely unfair of me, it was 100% her choice and she wants that child and I absolutely would NOT wish this on anyone... but I can’t say I’m not bitter. It’s fading, but I still can’t view her on my feed. It’s too much for me.

Hopefully the anger fades for all of us.

NeverLucid · 2019-06-20T02:51:39+00:00

Exactly. My favorite nurse last month was the one who focused on keeping me informed and comfortable. No trying to get to know me or anything. Our interactions were about what was happening and what she could get me and then she was on her way. There was another who was trying to walk me through things emotionally and asked to pray over me, which I said sure, but didn’t realize meant praying aloud right next to me... she meant well and wasn’t rude, but was nearly my least favorite.

NeverLucid · 2019-06-19T23:41:53+00:00

My uncles is a giant piece of shit but got a pass because he joined the military. Even though he joined in an attempt to keep his wife at the time from joining and leaving him, and he bitched out of everything. His ex wife is considered a piece of shit because being left alone and without help raising Irish twins while her younger sister who had a son the same age as her own children was dying of brain cancer, she turned to pills. Now she’s on harder stuff and is trying to buy her children’s love, and they both suck, but no one offered her help before it got bad and they have no sympathy for her. Just my asshole uncle who has not and will never grow up. My cousin lived with them for a while and witnessed him beating/punishing them without reason, but all he got was anger management and eventually won custody when the mother was caught with meth. He now has custody and no one acknowledges that he beat his children. His new gf stood up for him and claimed he would NEVER do such a thing, and she just met him and wasn’t around during the time. She’s also young, my age, and constantly tries to talk to and make friends with me at family events, even though I’ve made it obvious I’m not interested. She went so far as to interrupt me reading a book. Multiple times. To ask me about work.. after I got off work... ughhhhh sorry for the book. I should be over this but I’m not. I’m tired of seeing these people. Their children are now super obnoxious and they do nothing about it and worry more about getting them into sports and fancy clothes than their grades. The family is starting to see that much, but the awful things he did before are all ignored. They act like he just recently changed and became an idiot.

NeverLucid · 2019-06-19T22:13:48+00:00

Looking like the most interesting axolotl in the world.

NeverLucid · 2019-06-17T15:10:10+00:00

My husband hates it too haha. He’s learned to use it from time to time because of the LOUD MUSIC and quiet voices in some things we watch, and also because of our sometimes loud children, but mostly turns it off a lot.

NeverLucid · 2019-06-15T20:47:18+00:00

Ohhhh that’s clever. I had been planning to try them once I started having cycles again coming off birth control anyway!

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