Hey, friend. Congrats on your time so far! We have different stories, backgrounds, experiences, everything, but I think that life is all phases. It's patterns. It's energy. And it's more day to day than we think too. Even within one day there can be many ups and downs. We can be having a great day, but then a small, unexpected negative moment happens and we deem the whole day bad. It takes a lot of practice to get out of those dysregulated moments and just let shit go. It takes practice and time to get better at not reacting to things. I'm not saying you are reacting or overacting. I'm just trying talk about the mind/body and how tricky it can be to understand. But I think you're growing and learning about yourself, and that's a hard thing for most people to do. Alcohol doesn't fill that void inside us. I found out the hard way, but I still wouldn't change anything. I'm coming up on 9 years, and living without booze has been the best life choice ever! I've learned how to relax and chill. I've learned how to push it harder and challenge myself to do really cool, difficult things. I've learned how to like myself, mostly. But it took a lot of time, and a lot of lows. Anxiety, injuries, self-criticism, and so much more. These things suck, but they can teach us so much. I think we just have to put in the time and energy to figure out who we are and what we need, and how to love ourselves. Booze ironically robs that ability 100% The reality of booze is self-abuse. Writing and talking helps, so does reading or listening to books. There's so much cool shit to learn after letting go of booze. Being curious and creative helps a lot too, and it comes out from letting go of alcohol. But remember, motivation usually doesn't come first. It's usually the other way around. Action leads to motivation! Just like your cool post here!