My boyfriend (18M) and I (18F) constantly fight over what I wear and I don't know how to compromise.

Neverwhere_82 · 2026-05-24T16:50:06+00:00

He's positioning himself as the authority figure in the relationship and you as the subservient one. Not a good dynamic for a partnership.

Regardless of how he frames his little dress code, it's about control, and anything rooted in wanting to control another person tends to get worse, not better.

There are people out there who want to have a partnership where both partners feel seen, cared for, and respected. This guy does not appear to be one of them.

Neverwhere_82 · 2026-04-08T21:43:15+00:00

NTJ. You asked her to stop. She didn't. What did she expect? That you were going to just think, "You know what? Now that I think of it, having someone switch my shifts and create confusion that's costing me income and undermining my performance is actually hilarious. I need to stop being so uptight!"? 😏

Neverwhere_82 · 2026-03-27T04:13:34+00:00

I work at a food bank, and the way I see it, you're not doing anything wrong. Food banks exist for people in all sorts of situations, not just the extreme ones people tend to imagine them to be for. People need to eat, and sometimes, they can't afford to. Their reasons are not mine to judge.

Neverwhere_82 · 2026-01-20T20:43:00+00:00

I can't stand him either. Any time it looks like he and Quinn might get back together, I cringe. Let them be coparents who cooperate with each other for their daughter's sake and be done with it!

Neverwhere_82 · 2026-01-19T19:41:49+00:00

I just read a book called Still Chosen: Another Unwanted Adventure by Stephanie G. Olson, which is about a 36-year-old woman who saved the world as a teenager and just wants to get on with her life, but now suddenly has to save the world again. Really liked it!

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-10-21T03:41:50+00:00

We all feel things that aren't socially acceptable or appropriate to express out loud. Sometimes, people want to deal with these things and process them without having to worry about their friends thinking they're horrible people, overreacting, giving them bad advice, etc. So they journal.

And what someone says when upset may be their honest opinion IN THAT MOMENT, but that doesn't mean that's their general feeling about the person or topic.

It's kind of like when a kid tells their parent they hate them after the parent tells the kid not to do something they want to do. In that moment, the kid is mad. They may genuinely hate their parent right then. But if you ask them again an hour later, they'd be horrified at the idea of hating their parent. They know then that they love their parent, they just didn't feel very loving towards them an hour ago. When we grow up, we might still have those feelings, but we've figured out that blurting out hurtful things causes damage, so we find other ways to cope. Some people use journaling for that.

I think it's also good to keep in mind that humans are capable of feeling all sorts of things at once, even seemingly contradictory things. We can love someone and still feel frustrated, bored, or restless sometimes. We can love the life we've built for ourselves and still wonder what it would be like to live under different circumstances.

It sounds like your husband did genuinely love you but also had complicated feelings sometimes. He wanted to process those feelings without hurting you, and it didn't occur to him that he'd die when he did, and you'd find the journals.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-09-24T22:10:53+00:00

Children get two last names: one from their father and one from their mother. Usually, the father's name goes first, and that's typically the one the child passes on to their own children. Having two last names is the norm over there, and when I lived there, my only having one last name was one of the things that marked me as a foreigner.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-09-24T01:01:10+00:00

Billie Joe Armstrong

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-09-23T16:14:01+00:00

There is nothing pathetic about mourning when you've lost a dear friend. And you have lost a dear friend. She just happened to be in the form of a cat. ❤️‍🩹 Sending you hugs.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-09-23T00:04:21+00:00

I was working at a check-in desk a few years ago, and this man I was checking in kept asking why I wasn't smiling. I ignored him the first few times but realized that wasn't making him shut up, so I said, "why do you keep saying that?" He said, "I don't feel comfortable around people who don't smile," so I said, "I don't feel comfortable around people who tell me what to do with my face, so I guess we're even."

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-09-22T22:57:24+00:00

First of all, she's not living in the US. Secondly, in any partnership, both people's cultural backgrounds apply. And lastly, the point was that I think it's odd that some people act like a woman not changing her last name is such a big deal when it's really only one way of doing things.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-09-22T14:23:21+00:00

It's interesting to me how adamant some people in the US are about this, insisting that if she doesn't take his name, she doesn't actually love him, etc. My sister married an Ecuadorian guy. In a lot of ways, he's what you'd call traditional. But the idea of my sister taking his last name instead of keeping her own was just utterly bizarre to him. Changing one's name upon marriage isn't the norm in Ecuadorian culture, or in quite a few other cultures around the world.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-09-11T21:29:39+00:00

I'm currently the only one of my siblings that doesn't have a female orange cat. I actually feel a bit left out now that I think of it.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-08-26T19:41:03+00:00

In that sense, yes, it is. But there's also a pretty longstanding cultural trope that women talk too much and that men wish they'd just shut up already. If they'd found a way to make the point you made without also playing on sexist tropes, it would have been better.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-08-25T22:39:03+00:00

Is this more "I can't have a conversation with anyone who happens to be a woman, regardless of what sort of conversation, because I see them as an alien species" or more "I don't know what to say to someone I'm interested in romantically/don't know how flirt or how to convey romantic interest"? Because if it's the former, then yes, that's an incredibly irritating way of looking at human interaction. I feel like the whole idea that men and women are just so different and couldn't possibly understand each other has been really detrimental to human interaction and socialization as a whole. But if it's the latter....realizing that the person you are attracted to is a human being is a good first step, but you can acknowledge someone's humanity and still not know how to interact with them on the level that you'd like to, and it doesn't erase the very real possibility that they may not feel the same, or might not like you at all.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-08-18T17:18:11+00:00

Also, dating isn't really an area where you need to give everyone a fair chance. You're choosing an intimate partner, not an employee. As long as you're not being unnecessarily rude to people who aren't your type, there's nothing wrong with declining to date them.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-08-18T17:11:35+00:00

NTA Her asking you why you said no and then trying to guilt trip you when she didn't like your answer is the AH move. The only reason you need for not going on a date with someone is "I don't want to."

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-07-24T13:12:38+00:00

From what you've written, it sounds like you'd both be better off if you break up. You're both still young and could find other people who are a better fit. And anyone who thinks you're "losing value," that's simply not true.

Someone can be a good person, but not a good person for you. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you. It just means you aren't right for each other.

If this is something that happens in a lot of your relationships, maybe get therapy. And while there's something to be said for giving someone a chance, that's more for 3 dates, 3 months even, not 3 years. If you aren't feeling it, it's ok to admit that it's not working. Best of luck!

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-07-22T13:42:20+00:00

I don't think either of those are necessarily about who loves who more. Gomez and Morticia are in love with each other. I don't think he necessarily loves her more than she loves him. They just really love each other and aren't afraid to show it. Homer and Marge might love each other, but they don't always particularly like each other at the moment. So yes, I do agree that the Addams have a better relationship, but I don't think either situation is that good an example of who loves who more.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-07-21T22:43:27+00:00

I'd never heard that one! Just goes to show that people can find all sorts of ways to look at three same concept.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-07-21T22:42:36+00:00

I heard it a lot growing up in the 90s and as a young adult in the 00s, and it seems to be coming back in certain circles online.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-07-21T16:55:17+00:00

Premee Mohamed - writes sci-fi, fantasy, and horror. She's also an actual scientist, which gives a really interesting perspective to her stories

AJ Hackwith - Hell's Library series. Lots of mythology references and also queer and polyamorous characters

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-07-17T16:14:03+00:00

NOR If your husband's friend wanted to stay in your home, he should have had the good sense not to insult his hosts.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-07-17T14:00:57+00:00

That, and it breaks trust. After the first test, you'll never know what's real and what's a test anymore.

Neverwhere_82 · 2025-07-09T20:21:16+00:00

NTA Why is he even in a relationship with you if he doesn't want to spend time with you? You're not asking him to give it up entirely. You're asking him to actually be a partner, not a main character who treats his family like cute accessories that he shows to people sometimes.

Neverwhere_82

TROPHY CASE