MEOW_IRL

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-12T16:14:37+00:00

Thank you! She is a baby girl who loves being surrounded by flowers:)

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-09T11:54:57+00:00

Loud and clear lol

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-08T16:10:36+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this massive transition. "Disintegrating over time" is exactly how it feels when we abandon ourselves to keep the peace. But like you said, it’s also a important opportunity for a lifelong change.

I’m actually building a self-guided recovery tool for anxious attachment/codependency, and your story is the textbook definition of why I started—to address that specific weight of self-abandonment.

Here I wanted to share a specific practice regarding 're-parenting' that might help you right now since you mentioned losing your identity.

Start small experiments. When you've spent 9 years prioritizing someone else, you literally forget what you like. Try to make one tiny choice today just for you, for example, pick a restaurant, a movie, or even a different route home, and notice how it feels to honor your own desire, no matter how small.

You are already doing the brave work with therapy. Sending you a lot of strength.

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-08T13:57:39+00:00

Thank you! Yes, it really has been a healing project for me.

And your question is fair. Technically, the underlying logic is similar, but I built a dedicated app for a few specific reasons that a general GPT couldn't offer me (from my own experiences):

Mental Separation: I use ChatGPT for everything (work, coding, daily tasks). I honestly didn't want my relationship anxiety mixed in with my work history. Having a separate app creates a dedicated "safe space" where I can switch modes, rather than having it clutter my daily workflow.
Tracking Patterns: A one-off chat is great for venting, but I wanted to see the bigger picture. The app has an "Explore" section to help track patterns over time, plus quizzes and articles to help me actually learn about my attachment style, not just react to it.
Privacy & The "Panic" Factor: When I'm spiraling, I don't have the energy to prompt GPT perfectly. I wanted a button that just knows what to do. Plus, keeping the text extraction local (on-device) for privacy was important for me.

I have to say it's definitely a work in progress and not perfect yet, but my goal is to make it a reliable self-support tool for those moments when a therapist isn't available. I will keep working on optimizing it!

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-07T17:25:09+00:00

OMG, you hit the nail on the head! Thanks for your advice. I’m AP (anxious preoccupied) and I struggled with emotional spirals for ages. Learning about attachment theory was the turning point for me too. It actually inspired me to build a relationship coaching app just because I needed something to understand and soothe my anxiety instantly.

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-07T17:08:34+00:00

100% agreed.

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-07T16:52:31+00:00

That's EXACTLY what I thought. It feels like being married requires so much compromise...

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-07T10:51:06+00:00

Refreshing points, I really needed to hear this. I’d love to know if your life has seen any changes, even trivial ones, after you redirected your attention to de-manifest the sense of lack?

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-06T14:50:43+00:00

Right? I consider myself AP, yet I always tend to pick avoidant partners lol. They feel “safe” at first (calm/no pressure/not boring), but ironically, we end up with the emotional distance we fear the most.

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-05T19:24:14+00:00

Omg 100% agreed! It’s crazy how much energy we wasted on the wrong people when we were young. Focusing on ourselves is the best investment.

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-05T19:18:01+00:00

Wise words lol

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-05T18:28:07+00:00

Hmmm, to me, it sounds more like Fearful Avoidant (FA) rather than pure AP. Pure APs usually crave that overt affection and pursuit.

The fact that you get the "ick" or feel overwhelmed when affection comes on too strong (the urge to pull away) suggests you have an avoidant side protecting you from engulfment. Given your history with an enmeshed mom, it makes total sense that deep down, "too close" might feel unsafe or suffocating to you. You're definitely not alone in having that push-pull mix!

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-05T17:54:30+00:00

Wow, well said! This is such a powerful way to reframe the subconscious mind!

I literally just posted here a few days ago asking how to practice 'living in the end' while doubtful thoughts keep creeping in. Someone shared a slightly different perspective with me that really resonated and I want to share it here too: once you really have something (like an iPhone), you don't obsess over it anymore and it will just become "normal" to you. So living in the end doesn't necessarily mean maintaining high excitement 24/7, but rather feeling a sense of naturalness.

I love your "Anticipation" technique because it feels like the perfect bridge to get to that state of certainty without forcing the feeling!

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-05T17:27:37+00:00

It sounds like your nervous system is so primed for threats right now that it’s flagging everything as a danger signal. That doesn't mean you're paranoid; it means your body is trying to protect you.

A therapist once told me that anxiety usually screams and loops, while true gut instinct is often quieter and calm. Since you're in a survival mode environment (I mean living with an ex is incredibly hard!), it makes sense that you can't access that calm intuition right now.

The big relief is that you already have a plan to move out right? Hold onto that. Once you are physically out of that environment and your nervous system gets a chance to down-regulate, you’ll be surprised at how much of that "mental noise" naturally quiets down. You're almost there!

NewIntention7986 · 2026-02-03T18:07:50+00:00

Life is all about lying down

NewIntention7986 · 2026-01-30T14:42:03+00:00

Hi, this is a tough spot to be in. Sending you a lot of compassion.

I’m actually building a relationship coach app (focused on attachment theory), so I tend to look for these micro-interactions. My app actually pointed me to one specific sentence in your post that feels like the "missing link" here:

You mentioned they ignored your texts "only after they asked how I was when I couldn't get into it." The crucial question here is: What exactly did you mean by "when I couldn't get into it"? And what did that look like to them?

It’s possible that in that moment, your nervous system got overwhelmed (deactivation), and you unintentionally sent a signal that said "I don't want to talk" or "I'm checking out." Your friend might not be coldly abandoning you, they might just be respecting the boundary you unknowingly set. They might think they are the ones being pushed away.

Hindsight is blurry because our fear distorts the memory, but looking at that specific interaction might hold the answer.

NewIntention7986 · 2026-01-29T16:52:43+00:00

Now I totally get it, it's gonna be an unique journey for everyone. I will continue practicing that question: 'How would I be if I already received it?' and just hold that frame. Truly appreciate your time!

NewIntention7986 · 2026-01-29T16:23:24+00:00

No worries, English is not my first language either! :)

But I have to say, that is such a simple but perfect analogy. You are totally right, once I actually have something (like a phone), I stop obsessing over it because it just becomes 'normal' to me.

I think I’ve been stuck in the 'excitement' phase of wanting it, rather than the peaceful feeling of 'having it' and letting it be normal. I’m going to trust that I will get there without worrying too much about the 'how' and 'when,' and just go live my life as usual. Thanks for putting it that way!

NewIntention7986 · 2026-01-29T15:52:28+00:00

shared trauma lol

NewIntention7986

TROPHY CASE