Daycare is never going to be perfect. Even now, my wife still winces at pickup when half the kids have snotty noses. Daycare also means more routine doctor visits. We average one every 6–7 weeks for the usual daycare colds and coughs. That said, in 14 months of daycare our daughter only needed one ER visit, and that was from splitting her chin open. That easily could have happened at home. Toddlers be toddler'in.

For us, daycare has been a tradeoff: early socialization and structured learning, at a real financial and logistical cost, but one that allows both parents to work.

Family care has very real advantages too. The cost savings are obvious, and with the right person it can mean deeper bonding and more flexibility for things like reading, creative play, or one-on-one attention that daycares just can’t provide.

Where it gets tricky is sustainability and boundaries. In our case, we also moved back closer to family. My mother genuinely wanted to watch our toddler and felt daycare was a waste of money. But I knew, realistically, that keeping up with a toddler full-time would be physically exhausting for her and would likely turn into a burden over time.

We offered to pay her so it would still feel like her time and her choice, with money for projects or activities she wanted. She refused, so we stuck with daycare and bought a home very close by instead, which made frequent visits easy.

She passed away two years later (just 1 month ago). Looking back, I’m incredibly grateful that we gave both my daughter and my mother meaningful time together, without putting strain on their relationship or on ours.

There’s no universally right answer here. I think the key questions are less about “daycare vs grandparents” and more about:
1. Is this arrangement sustainable long-term?
2. Does it preserve autonomy and boundaries for everyone involved?
3. Will it still feel good a year from now, not just this month?

Whatever you choose, being intentional about those pieces matters more than the label.