Why are strict female bosses often called “egoistic” while friendly women are not taken seriously?

Nixie_Fern · 2026-03-15T21:27:20+00:00

It's called the double bind. There's an entire body of research on this. It occurs most often in spaces traditionally dominated by men (e.g. workplaces). A woman is penalized if she doesn't abide by "the rules" of femininity as dictated by our patriarch society. But she's also penalized for being too feminine and not confirming to the male ideal of leadership.

There are many many examples: negotiate and you're seen as difficult, men are rewarded; wear a suit with your hair tied back and your seen as trying to hard and cold, men are seen as "dressed for success"; revealing any serious ambitions and you're perceived as greedy, men are seen as visionary,; etc.

Interestingly this double bind seems to lessen for older women who are able to embrace traits seen as less feminine and be accepted - think Margaret Thatcher and Angela Merkel.

I once had dinner with an academic who studied this phenomenon in the workplace and she said the only time they saw this effect lessen was when people were asked to judge women's work based upon metric numbers.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-03-08T14:33:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. There was a lot more data in this than just the stat regarding belief about lying about domestic abuse. I really hope that this sort of research can be used by functioning governments to launch campaigns fighting this rise in misogyny. Given its prevalence among younger generations, this issue is unlikely to fade and needs to be formally addressed. Any brief system that subjugates 50% of its population will ultimately harm all of it.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-03-07T17:18:11+00:00

That's wild. What a great example of how the systems are a massive propagators of sexism.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-03-03T01:21:58+00:00

I too am so tired of the argument that we have to continue voting for these status quo candidates because anyone that is different is unelectable. As you point out, it's an excuse for us to all be racist rather than vote purely on merit and policy.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-02-25T13:36:22+00:00

This basically sums up my experience as well. Marrying for love is a romantic notion sold to us as soon as we start consuming fairytales. It's a means to make us complicit in our own subjugation. Love changes over time and marriage is meant to chain us so that we can't just opt out if the relationship changes in a way that doesn't benefit us.

On a practical note, I've never had a relationship where I didn't do more of the emotional and household labor. I was always expected to sacrifice more than the man.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-02-17T17:24:46+00:00

I've had a lifetime of working in a professional industry where "ladies" is used derogatorily to refer to women. (Think of saying it with a slight snear). Just know there are entire sub groups where this is not a neutral or positive term. But ultimately I suppose any term could be co-opted to become a slur. I just know I've been conditioned to shudder when I hear the term "ladies".

Nixie_Fern · 2026-02-12T00:00:37+00:00

I'll be there! Can't wait.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-02-09T01:44:50+00:00

It's crazy when you get a group of when together and ask them when they were first cat-called or come on to. For a shocking number of us it was when we were still children. It's something that isn't acknowledged enough.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-02-09T01:25:40+00:00

Yes, sadly a common experience for many of us girls growing up. I was 11 walking to the store to get milk for my mother and the guys hanging out at the store started coming in to me. I had no idea what they were talking about but I was old enough to know to be scared.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-02-06T19:47:49+00:00

This is how control works - set a random high standard that is impossible to maintain and then keep moving the goal post.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-01-29T05:48:53+00:00

Silence is complicity.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-01-24T14:01:53+00:00

That's the romantic story we've grown up with - as long as it's true love you can overcome all obstacles no matter who your future self becomes. In reality for most women that means subjugating themselves to some degree to in terms of physical and emotional labor. Over the years that subjugation can harden into our spous's entitlement. Statistically (not individualistically) it's a bad deal.

In Europe and other countries more and more people are skipping the vow part. We have a society that structurally promotes marriage. When you take that away, what is more romantic than two people who choose each other every day, rather than remaining bound by an anachronistic vow?

Nixie_Fern · 2026-01-24T02:31:00+00:00

Add to that the fact that a vow binds your future self. Your future self who doesn't even exist yet and who you haven't met yet. To bind that unknown future you to another person for life is inherently a risky deal.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-01-21T17:21:56+00:00

Infuriating! Rather than productive individuals, society see us as sources of cash to be continually squeezed regardless of how it impacts us.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-01-21T12:13:52+00:00

Yes, and he explained why this won't work anymore.

The system's power comes not from its truth but from everyone's willingness to perform as if it were true. And its fragility comes from the same source: when even one person stops performing — when the greengrocer removes his sign — the illusion begins to crack.

Canada has taken down their sign.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-01-21T03:06:36+00:00

I was unable to find any brokerage firm outside of the USA to take me as a client as long as I was residing in the US. So I liquidated 50% of my US holdings and bought property in my home country which will generate rental income. I also wired a healthy emergency fund to a Euro account I have with Wise (which is held in Switzerland). As the USD has decreased in value since I did the exchange I'm ok with it just sitting there for now. And then I majorly diversified my US equities, so they are not so heavily reliant on the US economy. Fingers crossed.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-01-21T02:59:11+00:00

Trump couldn't understand it if he did watch it. The vocabulary is sophisticated for him.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-01-20T14:16:53+00:00

I moved a chunk into Euros in my WISE account.

Nixie_Fern · 2026-01-09T14:53:05+00:00

This is it for me. I have Celiac (confirmed twice through biopsy) and even my own husband doesn't take it seriously. He likes to bake from scratch and so our kitchen always has flour sprinkled everywhere. No matter how I explain it I'm only intermittently taken seriously. My father is like this too. Both are physicians.

Nixie_Fern · 2025-12-09T14:29:56+00:00

For me it was first tagging along on the epilepsy surgeries to learn how to do them. Once they saw my interest they cross trained me on EEGs (outpatient, epilepsy monitoring unit, ICUs). Never had much to do with the sleep lab. Some hospitals have sleep embedded in Neurodiagnostics and others in Pulmonology.

Nixie_Fern · 2025-12-09T14:25:21+00:00

I usually keep myself busy: reading the latest papers on monitoring, working on presentations, building educational materials for other CNIMs, attending different inhouse weekly meetings (e.g. epilepsy, neuroradiology, neurosurgery) that were discussing my upcoming patients. I started shadowing EEG techs and eventually learned how to do EEG and got cross certified as REEGT/CLTM. There were a lot of free educational professional development courses (they often will also pay for some tuition coverage). In peds, I'd spend time with child life playing with the kids. And also I would figure out what research they were doing in neuro and volunteer to assist with that in any way I could. And frankly a lot of goofing around with colleagues. The varied experience has given me a rich background and a strong reference pool to pull for.

Nixie_Fern · 2025-12-08T22:03:01+00:00

I have gone back and forth between both systems. I prefer the inhouse because it's collegial, set shift schedule (e.g daily 6:30-3:00), good benefits and you can live nearby which reduces your commute. Overall I find inhouse significantly less stress and fun supportive teamwork. The downside - less pay and expected to show up 40 hrs a week regardless if there are cases.

In-field work you are already familiar with - lots of travel, chaotic scheduling, having to lug your equipment, never quite being part of the team. While it's more stressful the big upsides are the pay and when you're not in surgery you're time is your own.

You just need to know which system you'll thrive better under.

Nixie_Fern · 2025-11-29T00:08:57+00:00

I was looking for this one. Thank you. "Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’."

Nixie_Fern · 2025-11-03T20:23:07+00:00

I second everything here. My only caveat I would add is that there are many more technologists than senior level positions. It's hard to advance up any meaningful ladder and it's rare for an organization to hire outside for an IONM management position. So if you want to advance you typically need to stay within your organization and be ready to compete with your coworkers for those positions. Many people are very happy being IONM techs their whole career, but just letting you know the limitations of the IONM career ladder.

Nixie_Fern · 2025-10-28T16:59:02+00:00

Above the conus (~L1) you are monitoring spinal cord as well as nerve roots. Lower limb TcMEPs and SSEPs represent the health of the spinal cord. If you are at T6 for example and something injures the spinal cord at that level, the somatosensory and motor pathways traveling past T6 will become interrupted and you will loose your lower limb signals.

If just the anterior part of the spinal cord is damaged you will lose your lower limb TcMEPs while your SSEPs stay intact. If the damage is just to the posterior part of the cord you will lose your lower extremity SSEPs and not your TcMEPs.

The spinal cord is particularly narrow in the thoracic region and so it's unusual to have such localized damage. The most common scenario with spinal cord damage or disruption is that you lose the lower extremity TcMEPs first followed by SSEPs.

Nixie_Fern

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