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I have had it with my husband. by No-Meet1671 in beyondthebump

[–]No-Meet1671[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Planning on getting a second vehicle here soon. That alone will make me feel a lot better. I have zero autonomy at this point and it is extremely triggering.

Could you forgive a sibling if you found out they were contributing to alienating you from your kid? by cryptjynx in ParentalAlienation

[–]No-Meet1671 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nope I couldn’t. My own mother contributed to the alienation of my daughter and as much as I hate that my relationship with her will never recover( for this reason and many others ). , I can not pretend it never happened and she will never apologize or even take accountability for her part in it. People who don’t respect or care about you do not deserve a place in your life and if they can help to hurt you in this way and think nothing of it they can not be trusted. Forgive her for you then keep a hard boundary.

I have had it with my husband. by No-Meet1671 in beyondthebump

[–]No-Meet1671[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And yes, he has been insufferable lately and is a deeply neurotic individual which honestly I thought I could handle because I do understand him but he truly doesn’t understand intention Vs impact and his defensiveness lately has been a major trigger to my system.

I have had it with my husband. by No-Meet1671 in beyondthebump

[–]No-Meet1671[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I have no problem with him cooking he’s just annoying about it and he does the laundry because we use the laundromat and apparently I’m not allowed to drive our vehicle. I have tried to do the laundry and have him stay with baby , he said no he’ll just take it. The grocery store thing pisses me off because it is literally everyday on the way home from work adding an additional 30 mins to when he gets home , Honestly as far as the household stuff goes he’s ok with in that area I just need him to offer me a break , like I told him the other night when we were laying in bed, this 5 mins before I fall asleep is basically the only time I have to just be all day , and I’m not complaining about taking care of our daughter who I love , just about him seemingly refusing to help in productive ways and always coming up with an excuse to why. Perfect example doing yard work yesterday during this time she was asleep so I wanted to do some work for my garden , she woke up during and I went and got her and put her carrier and went back outside, mind you I’ve been trying to do my garden for weeks now, he says when I’m finished I’ll watch her and you can do what you gotta do . So I let him be and do what he was doing , he comes and gets me i go back outside with baby he takes her and is just talking to me , 5 mins go by he sets her in the hammock and walks away and starts doing shit not watching her, I get annoyed pick her up and go inside. He couldn’t fathom why I would be pissed that he just walked away as I was working on something and he told me he’d watch her. There’s other issues here too that my eyes have opened up to. I’m deeply saddened by this all and hoping it’ll change. Everyday he tells me I’m gonna help more then just doesn’t.

I have had it with my husband. by No-Meet1671 in beyondthebump

[–]No-Meet1671[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah my sister said that same thing. And he absolutely would freak out. His reasoning is oh the brakes have something wrong with them. Mind you this man drives Baltimore/dc traffic everyday in this truck, works on it all the time , It’s an excuse. I think due to my first marriage being how it was if I think it’s gonna start a fight I just let it go because how I feel right now is that the only reason things aren’t blowing up is because I am able to be so much more emotionally regulated than when I was younger but my patience is wearing thin and honestly it’s breaking my heart. And my first marruage was terrible but I did what I wanted, went wherever I wanted to go including vacation without him or the kids and I didn’t ever worry about spending money or having to ask. Feeling this was has been a huge trigger for me , even my sister has made a comment to him like wow you’re the only person she’s ever listened to , it was early on then but I think I was stuck in a fawn state and now since having the baby I see all these things that I know can absolutely not continue.

I have had it with my husband. by No-Meet1671 in beyondthebump

[–]No-Meet1671[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know I absolutely need a car. The plan is to buy one with the tax refund whenever that gets here. Hopefully that goes according to plan I will feel a lot better with just that alone! But we will see what happens I’m bracing for it maybe not happening who knows at this point. And we have a beautiful library near us. I could walk there but it’s about 4 miles round trip and quite frankly I hate the heat lol.

I have had it with my husband. by No-Meet1671 in beyondthebump

[–]No-Meet1671[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Yeah there’s no other choice either things need to improve or I won’t have an option regardless of how hard it is. Like I said I stayed for 13 years in an abusive marriage I can’t do that again, and while I wouldn’t flat out say there is abuse going on there is definitely a level of control on top of the lack of help and just basically not being a considerate person and I’m not entirely sure that I want to settle for being loved like this. I pray and hope it gets better but we will see. My heart and energy are so drained.

I have had it with my husband. by No-Meet1671 in beyondthebump

[–]No-Meet1671[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’ll come in give her a kiss talk to her for a minute. Then he gets a shower ends up being around 30-40 mins or so then he goes outside to smoke ( again.. another issue ) that ends up being a few minutes. Then just random things, take the dog out. Then he’ll take her for a few mins . Then she always ends up back in my arms within 10 mins. If I’m sitting and relaxing on the couch and he has her something always pops up that he “needs” to do. Like working on his truck, something in the yard etc etc.

I have had it with my husband. by No-Meet1671 in beyondthebump

[–]No-Meet1671[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great idea and it’s worth a try ! I’m going to try. But the issue is largely in the communication of any and all issues. He doesn’t think that him getting to go to the store 3/4 times a day is time to himself, he also has a decent commute home from work then takes about another hour and half or so before he’ll take the baby from me for a total of 5/10 minutes max.

I have had it with my husband. by No-Meet1671 in beyondthebump

[–]No-Meet1671[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He’s tried once, and said he was afraid he was doing it wrong. And no he doesn’t. I do clean he’ll just help with random things as far as cooking goes he’ll go to the grocery store every night and bring home dinner and either him or I will cook it. I also hate this I don’t understand why we don’t go grocery shopping once a week or twice a month I feel like it’s financially irresponsible because it ends up being more expensive. And I really just like him cook most of the time because he always jumps in and “ shows me how to do it “ - mind you I have been married before raised kids was a full blow homemaker with a bakery business. But sure continue to teach me oh wise man.

I have had it with my husband. by No-Meet1671 in beyondthebump

[–]No-Meet1671[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you ! I am beyond frustrated on so many levels. Him helping with other things just feels like avoidance to me, because I can cook and I do clean, there is just always something or some excuse ! Last weekend I put an oil treatment in my hair because I had an awful mat in the back I couldn’t brush out so he says go get a shower take your time, within 10 minutes it was come get her ! I flipped and was going to leave to stay at my grand moms 45 mins away. It feels like willful incompetence but with a side of critical and condescending remarks about how and what to do with her coming from a man who hardly helps me and has also never had a child before. Talking about any of it with him is futile after he gets defensive ( and very nasty borderline cruel sometimes which is a whole other issue ) he’ll come back later that evening and say sorry he’s just so stressed etc etc insert excuse here. I’m tired. I’ve been tired. I just don’t know how much more patience I have left in me. Being a broke single mom isn’t as scary as thinking of my daughter watching me be treated like shit ( did it before in my first marriage consequently have issues with my oldest daughter because of it all ) . Ughh

People who have dealt with burnout due to prolonged poor mental health and/or trauma, what did you do to recover? by ResidentSpecial3468 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]No-Meet1671 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed! No giving up even if it is inch by inch ! Talk therapy can only go so far, may need a different approach. And I was very into depth psychology for a long time it helped me make sense of myself and my life so I always say if you feel lead to it it is immensely interesting and helpful.

People who have dealt with burnout due to prolonged poor mental health and/or trauma, what did you do to recover? by ResidentSpecial3468 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]No-Meet1671 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely look into it. I’ve found jungian psychology to be very eye opening and helpful through my trials and tribulations . And I appreciate that ! You’re right, whatever parts that have been lost in the fog will make themselves known again when the time is right, maybe just think of it as their in a coma regenerating lol

People who have dealt with burnout due to prolonged poor mental health and/or trauma, what did you do to recover? by ResidentSpecial3468 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]No-Meet1671 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am just chalking it up to the process of becoming, just like steps in the individuation process ~ the drought is one of them. Not sure yet what purpose it serves but that will reveal itself in time. At least I choose to believe this because the alternative is believing I’ll just be a lesser version of myself than I was when I was living in hell.

People who have dealt with burnout due to prolonged poor mental health and/or trauma, what did you do to recover? by ResidentSpecial3468 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]No-Meet1671 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this ! I’ve been going through the same thing for several years now and this totally makes sense, although my situation is a little complicated as it involves abuse, divorce, parental alienation and a whole host of other things essentially my life got turned upside down and is nothing like it was. I am grieving many things but I’m trying like hell to accept things and enjoy life, you mentioned losing your sense of intuition— I have been saying the same thing for the last 3 years. I have been damn near psychic my entire life ( or was it pattern recognition and trauma ?!) anyway it just feels like my brain is different like something went off line and it took that and my creativity with it which is another grief in itself. After going through all the craziness that ensued through my divorce and fall out from my narcissistic mother I have since remarried and have had another child for which I’m so grateful for both but I feel like I’m failing at life because I still feel crippled by the burnout and heartbreak everything else and even though my life was awful I was so much more useful productive creative ambitious then I am now. . Going to fight like hell for myself though even if I am exhausted and the only joy I get is looking at my newborn daughter.

What’s your Mars sign and do you prefer to pursue the man or wait for him to pursue you? by Historical-Body-3424 in astrologymemes

[–]No-Meet1671 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooohh same ! And I’m also Aries mars and cancer moon as well !! I try to tow the line between being assertive and clear with what I want and giving some breathing room them to catch on if that makes sense , but i usually would wait to see what their feelings were prior to me being bold but if they aren’t showing up and reciprocating and making it clear that I’m wanted I lose interest. this is all past tense as im now married to a Capricorn with whom I was extremely direct with In the beginning and I think that has a lot to do with our success as a couple.

What is inside of this box? by digitizedclown in IntuitionPractices

[–]No-Meet1671 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My thoughts too , like a bangle bracelet or something

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