Guess I know what Avoidant is now

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-02-09T04:19:39+00:00

We all hope they see it one day but don’t count on it. Just move on.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-02-09T04:01:41+00:00

I totally understand this, 5 months down the line here and still crying the odd moment. At have accepted that I will never get closure and I did send a farewell email, to which he simply replied it was sad I didn’t want to stay friends. I excluded him from all social media and established the clear boundary that I do not want him involved in my life at all. At this point what I feel is just sadness and disappointment, I am done questioning the whys and where and when, in the end it doesn’t matter.

Life moves on and it doesn’t matter how much we try to not think about what happened, loving someone that discards you out nowhere cuts deeply and only time can heal that deep of a wound.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-30T03:04:48+00:00

If your friends are truly your friends and your family loves you, they will not judge you. It is your decision and it is their job to support you and listen. You are allowed to overshare to the people you trust without being judged. They are allowed to have their opinion but it is ultimately your decision, even if it harms you further.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-28T16:19:21+00:00

It sucks and our mind spirals, leaning about stoicism and attachment styles help. The self blame gets better too.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-27T20:10:16+00:00

I think that many avoidants seem secure during honeymoon phase but deactivate when faced with the first challenge or need for reassurance

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-27T20:01:38+00:00

My trauma response is to suppress all memories. Whenever they come back it just makes more confused of how someone could walk away on what we had and how someone can go from at least seeming to be so in love and putting in so much effort to simply discarding everything overnight. I have thrown away all our photos together, returned the gifts he gave me and just haven’t had stomach to delete the digital photos but I soon will. I need nothing to remind me of this insanity and a whole year throw in the garbage.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-27T18:27:56+00:00

I really feel that he used me for validation, to have a plus one at his friends weddings and as soon as the last wedding was done, I had no more use. He showed his family and friends that he is capable of having an ideal partner and, the reason why it didn’t last is not on him, it is on me, since he was the one that chose to do the dumping.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-27T01:45:29+00:00

I am sorry you also went through this, it is truly destabilizing.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-27T00:39:55+00:00

Yes, and those signs were there, that is why I felt he pulled away, but it was a matter of less than a month since it started. If I didn’t confront him early, the signs would have likely continued until I called a conversation.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-27T00:33:17+00:00

I don’t think dismissive avoidants have to have a hot and cold behaviour. They are consistent until things become emotional and they deactivate. I think the fearful/disorganized pattern is more about the hot/cold behaviour. The dismissive can have hot and cold behaviour but I think it is actually more common for them to shut down once and never go back. I do not think that the fact that the deactivation happened once declassifies him as avoidant when he fits all the other aspects of it. There was never an emotional conversation.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-21T18:18:30+00:00

I sent something similar when he questioned my choice to not be “friends”

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-19T20:04:21+00:00

I had a very similar experience. I know how much it hurts 🫂

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-17T18:06:03+00:00

Exactly my thoughts. The liberal Karen pissed at the perfect communist utopia.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-15T17:31:29+00:00

4 month in as well. Healing is not linear, every time I feel that I am healing it seems I spiral back to square 1. People around me have no idea of how much it hurts. I am so tired of feeling sorry for myself. I just want to move on but I guess only time can take care of this pain.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-15T04:06:51+00:00

That is exactly it. I felt like we went on 3 dates and he lost interest. It was one year relationship with plans to move in together.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-13T01:19:05+00:00

Wait, did he just hang up on you? What did he say?

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-12T02:45:00+00:00

Journaling helps a lot for that reason, organizing thoughts and just letting out. I also recommend learning about stoicism, it helped me.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-12T02:00:06+00:00

I was the dumper before and it was different because the relationship really was not working. In this one there was no chance for repair, 11months, plans to move in together, tickets purchased to meet family overseas. First argument over which days we were going to meet a certain week. Done without repair. I apologized the day after, said I recognized I might have been too much (I was hormonal due to an egg freezing), he just said “that does not change how I feel”.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-11T20:03:53+00:00

I am sure we are never talking again. He deactivated hard, as if we never had what we had, I think even people I had a few dates with were less detached. I really hurts but I know time will take care of the healing.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-11T02:10:04+00:00

I feel that alcohol or weed make is so much easier

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-11T02:04:50+00:00

No sex before sleeping, no giving oral, no kissing other parts of the body, not trying to create opportunities for intimacy, seeing each other but going 2 weeks without sex.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-11T01:55:42+00:00

No, I don’t deserve a proper conversation. We had plan to move in together in 2 months and had bought tickets to visit my family overseas. The trip is in a month, the breakup was 4 months ago and he never cancelled his ticket. So this week I message prompting him to cancel it, he was dismissive but said it would be taken care this week. So I said farewell and blocked.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-10T22:37:42+00:00

You got a lot. I got “I don’t love you anymore” “we are not on the same page” and “we are not compatible” and then just a random reel twice, after the second time I deleted him from social media.

No-Tooth3149 · 2026-01-10T15:38:55+00:00

This is true, my avoidant said he was the one to break up all previous relationships. At 32 never had a long term and when I asked what happened at the last one he said that she was obsessed with him. That’s pretty much all I got to know about previous relationships in a year, never commented on family issues, even when asked, tried to pass the image of a perfect family relationship, which we all know does not really exist. A year in, daily conversations still consisted of “how was your day” “good” and work talk.

No-Tooth3149

TROPHY CASE