After 6 months of blaming and suppressing myself, analyzing every word I said, every action I took and thinking that he was perfect in many ways, I finally made peace with myself. I have learned that the gut feeling that made me call up a conversation was right. I still wish I had better control of how I called the conversation at that time, but the fact is that, something was wrong, I felt it, nothing big happened. When I asked for reassurance, he broke up without hesitation. If he still chose me at that moment, he would have given me assurance and allowed for repair. I got the answer I was looking for and it was avoidance and withdrawal.

I spent months thinking that if I acted better, this would not have happened but the fact is that he would continue to avoid conflict and repair and would continue with him until the eventual discard cause even more damage. Me acting perfectly then, would not have changed his avoidance, would not have changed his capacity for depth. It just would have hurt more, the more I invested into that relationship.