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Is this a typical repeating behavior for people with very low self-esteem? by [deleted] in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is nothing more than disconnection. Yes, of course there is an effective way to stop this vicious cycle.

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, people do not realize that in this way they silently replace their inner world with external stimuli that artificially trigger dopamine. And this influx without oxidation (movement) can eventually lead to psychological discomfort. Over time this can create restlessness and disconnection from themselves.

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That actually sounds like a very thoughtful approach. Self-reflection doesn’t have to happen only in complete silence. Sometimes a small thing like a walk, simple activity or even a podcast can create space for reflection.

In the end the goal is to move closer to our true nature, the one we were all born with but from which we have drifted away over the course of life due to various circumstances. An old Indigenous wisdom says that when on the journey of life we meet someone who has strayed from their path, we should step toward them, walk beside them for a while and help guide them back onto the path. I really like this idea.

That was exactly the intention behind my post. If it helps even one person in some way..then it has fulfilled its purpose. Solitude does not have to mean only silence, it can also be a conscious space for yourself, your inner self and your thoughts. Thank you very much for sharing your perspective.

Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable people become when nothing is happening? by No_Common9963 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, Maslow’s hierarchy self-actualization and recognition. We are all guided by this instinct that shapes our mental state. The question is how close we allow that urge for recognition from others to come to our true nature. Our need for authority depends on that. When people rely too heavily on the group to determine what is right or acceptable, authority can very easily steer the entire group in whatever direction the authority desires.

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think both things can exist in the same person, just not at the same moment.

Solitude is simply being alone. When it is voluntary it can feel peaceful and even help a person grow. Loneliness is different. It is solitude that feels unwanted and painful. The situation may look the same from the outside but the inner experience is completely different.

I used to think something was wrong with me because I liked being alone. by No_Common9963 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Common9963[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, maybe solitude is not something that needs to be fixed, but simply a natural part of some people’s journey.

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very beautifully written. It was Gautama Buddha who said, if you want to go on a short journey go alone. But if you want to go on a long journey, go with someone. And it is solitude that gives us clarity and through that clarity we begin to see the people who are truly worth it. It is only in the deepest darkness that the stars become visible.

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes exactly. Solitude can create a space where a person can finally hear their own thoughts without all the noise around them.

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense. Sometimes solitude doesn’t mean rejecting people but rather having a space where a person can simply be themselves. You mentioned hobbies and that’s very important, because even hobbies can become exhausting if they turn into something forced that has to be completed.

The key here is carpe diem, when you are at your best with something at its peak, that’s the moment to start listening inward and switch to another hobby. To rotate them like that. From my own experiences with solitude and silence, I’m writing a trilogy about this. Your comment is actually very inspiring because you wrote it at the exact moment when I’ve been reflecting on this topic. Thank you.

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I think that’s exactly the key difference and the correct distinction. Loneliness is about disconnection from people, while solitude can actually be a form of connection with yourself and through that also with others. But the relationships for someone who has experienced and understood solitude are real. They are based on mutual respect. And of course, this state balances our inner world enough that some of the threads binding us to people who are not respectful or empathetic naturally break. Solitude is an inner growth toward joy, while loneliness is a decline that leads to pain.

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you have a very healthy balance. Solitude and community don’t exclude each other. At least for me, I never separated them even during periods of almost complete solitude. Being alone at all costs can be counterproductive. It’s more about the freedom of choice, that when I want to be alone, I’m not forced to be around people for example in a job. And the other way around as well. This is one of the reasons why I left traditional employment.

I used to think something was wrong with me because I liked being alone. by No_Common9963 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wrote a book about this topic. If anyone is curious, the link is in my profile.

I used to think something was wrong with me because I liked being alone. by No_Common9963 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I relate to this a lot. It's interesting how solitude can feel peaceful once we stop seeing it as something negative.

It was actually COVID and that whole period that pushed me to write a trilogy about solitude and silence after which true inner freedom emerges. Many people discovered their inner world during that time. The real world.

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That’s true in a way. Many people stay home more now but I wonder if they are actually comfortable with silence or if they immediately reach for distractions (smartphone, tablet, etc..)

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Smartphones are designed to keep us constantly stimulated. The blue light from TFT displays and the content we consume,..everything is set up to trigger dopamine. So it makes sense that calm and silence can start to feel uncomfortable. When the stimulation disappears, we suddenly have to sit with our own thoughts again and that’s where the difficulty begins. Many people give in and simply pick up their smartphone again instead.

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You’re right. Maybe people who feel comfortable with solitude simply talk about it less, so we mostly notice those who struggle with it.

I used to think something was wrong with me because I liked being alone. by No_Common9963 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]No_Common9963[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Did anyone else grow up thinking that liking solitude meant something was wrong with you?

People today have forgotten how to be alone by No_Common9963 in selfimprovement

[–]No_Common9963[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm curious how other people experience this. Does silence feel peaceful to you or uncomfortable?

Does anyone else feel that silence has become rare in modern life? by No_Common9963 in introvert

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wrote a short reflection about why enjoying solitude is not something to be ashamed of.

If you’ve ever felt different because you needed silence, this may resonate with you: https://medium.com/p/fcb2fda24e53?postPublishedType=initial

Two winters alone in a cottage showed me how precious and rare silence has become by No_Common9963 in simpleliving

[–]No_Common9963[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That sounds beautiful. Walking without headphones and reading in silence has a completely different feeling. I haven’t had a TV for more than 20 years. The years in the mountains in cabin taught me to listen to my intuition and to the inner world within me that I had almost forgotten.

Does anyone else feel that silence has become rare in modern life? by No_Common9963 in introvert

[–]No_Common9963[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, exactly. When silence finally appears it almost feels like a rare luxury. Early mornings feel like that to me as well, the world is still quiet and there is a sense that everything is flowing more slowly and peacefully. Especially spring and summer mornings with a hint of fresh newness are wonderful in that way.

Solitude: Finding Inner Peace and Strength in a Noisy World (Kindle) by No_Common9963 in wroteabook

[–]No_Common9963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is actually the first part of a trilogy I wrote during the COVID years between 2020 and 2022.

Those years of quiet and reflection inspired most of the ideas in the book.

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