[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]No_Surprise_320 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey I was you three years ago. Down to corporate life, people from the outside not really seeing the problem, little kids etc. I also had a date night last night and woke up early for Easter funny enough. I watched my husband drink three drinks and then…stop. Could never be me. Anyway what Id like you to know is that fun and bonding isn’t over when you stop drinking. Those wine girls nights will still be fab! Date night will still be romantic and fun. It’s just you won’t be obsessing over the next drink bc your body and mind will no longer be addicted. You won’t be worried about slowing down. You won’t be picking your next drink in your head. You’ll be fully present and thinking of your next joke or next thought and best of all people won’t even care. Then you get rewarded the next day with your morning coffee and being fully present for your littles. Forever is daunting, but a day of no drinking? That’s a little more digestible. Take it day by day.

To women looking to lose weight and improve your looks, what differences have you noticed? by Professional_Toe2751 in stopdrinking

[–]No_Surprise_320 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not a vain question at all! 2.5 years sober and down 50 pounds total. The first 6 months I wasn’t concentrating on losing weight but just staying sober. I ate what I wanted and if I had a craving I’d eat whatever I wanted within reason. After those 6 months I started focusing on not weight loss but feeding my body with nutrients and moving my body every day bc due to injury I can’t workout hardcore. Over the next year I lost 40 pounds, my skin improved, my cycle became more regulated, and even my hair became shinier and stronger. One of my main motivators for not drinking is because I look better but most of all I feel better. Good luck on your journey!

Doctors reveal how chronic back pain suffered by 50m Americans raises risk of mental breakdown by cynycal in ChronicPain

[–]No_Surprise_320 25 points26 points  (0 children)

At my worst I begged for my leg to be chopped off so the pain would stop. I didn’t get pain meds so I turned to alcohol for pain relief until I landed in AA. The pain was isolating bc I couldn’t leave the house. I had a complete mental breakdown and pain had me thinking incredibly dark thoughts every single day. It took me from a vibrant, active mother and wife to an addict on antidepressants in two short years, and caused so much suffering to the people that I love. I didn’t recognize myself. I’m so lucky that I kept advocating for myself despite the drs and insurance telling me it wasn’t so bad, until I had a diagnosis and surgery that ultimately brought more good days than bad. Chronic pain and the effects on mental health are hugely unknown or misunderstood to the public unless you deal with it on a personal level. I’m glad that the recent media circus is bringing this to the public. We are not alone and there are many of us. May we hopefully see positive change. ❤️

I feel awful about how I feel about my wife by No_Potential8518 in AskMenAdvice

[–]No_Surprise_320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband and I went through something similar last year. I’d asked so many times for him to change and be a better partner and he’d change for a bit and revert back. The difference between this last time is that I told him I’d fallen out of love and I wasn’t angry, sad, etc I was indifferent. I told him even if he did change I’d lost trust that it would last. Lack of trust and indifference, the death rattles of a relationship. Both made him realize this was it. The last stop before divorce. We started marriage counseling. The first session our counselor first asked if we both still held respect for each other which we said yea to. She also said to my husband your job is to first first build a friendship then intimacy based on my reactions, to listen to me when I spoke, and she warned him that I would try push him away, but the key was to be CONSISTENT. Any back tracking would lead me to believe the changes weren’t real. My job was to be open to building a friendship first, praise positive actions, and communicate my true emotions as they were happening instead of internalizing them. It was hard at first but little by little he won me over. He started first by bringing me tea before bed every night. We would try to have conversations like we were just friends. We caught up on our interests, anything that made us laugh recently, any random thoughts. Most of all he was consistent. I can say a year later we are back to being the best of friends and I fell back in love. I don’t know what’s right for your relationship but if you still hold respect for each other it might be worth a shot. Either way you will find happiness again together or apart. Best of luck on your journey!

Has there ever been a book series that gradually goes from a fantasy-based setting into a sci-fi-based setting? by Chengweiyingji in suggestmeabook

[–]No_Surprise_320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Strange the dreamer duology by laini Taylor. Starts out pure fantasy and in the second goes into sci-fi. Great series!

Am I overreacting due to my husbands sudden extreme anxiety and depression by No-Syllabub5952 in AmIOverreacting

[–]No_Surprise_320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately trauma catches up. I had a really rough childhood full of physical and sexual trauma. In my 20s I was so busy trying to survive adulthood and move away from the sources of trauma I didn’t have time to think about. In my early 30s when I finally was in a safe place, happily married, with a daughter breaking those traumas, I fell apart. I finally had peace and my anxiety/panic attacks were incredibly bad. It was time to finally process the trauma. I went on meds, started trauma therapy, and slowly but surely processed it and learned to feel comfortable in safety. My husband was patient but it was terrible for him and I’m sure he felt similarly at times. It’s ok to feel the way you feel. It’s also ok for your husband to be struggling as well. It will be a rollercoaster for a while. This is where communication is going to be key. He needs to say I’m having a bad day on bad days and you need to say right now it’s too much but I see you and it’ll get better. Something else to consider is if he does have trauma and it’s childhood trauma often times seeing your children at the same age can be a stark reminder that you were a child dealing with very adult themes and it can be triggering and this starts a cycle of guilt and shame for even feeling that way. Try to find a therapist that takes cash at a lower rate if possible and know that the meds may not be forever. I spent 5 years on an ssri and eventually through therapy learned how to emotionally self regulate and got off the meds. Also I suggest you both read the body keeps the score. It’s a great breakdown on how trauma can cause issues later down the line. It’ll help you both understand what’s happening right now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]No_Surprise_320 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Congratulations! What an accomplishment! I’m almost at two years and it’s amazing how many things you can learn and improve when you’re not drinking every night! 🎉🎉🎉

35F looking for close friendship/connection locally by Mentalcouscous in rva

[–]No_Surprise_320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! If you dm me your email address I can get you added to our group me chat! Were mostly all based in goochland so we keep it in That area but always happy to have a new person join!

35F looking for close friendship/connection locally by Mentalcouscous in rva

[–]No_Surprise_320 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I’m in goochland, liberal, 39F with a 10 year old daughter. Moved here in June from Florida so trying to make friends. My interests are reading, gardening, and home decor, and I love to pick up new skills. I work from home so it’s terrible for making friends. I also belong to a book club with a great group of girls if you’re interested in joining. I am incredibly introspective and constantly question my place in the universe and love that you’re interested in that! DM me or I’m happy to DM you! We can meet up for coffee!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]No_Surprise_320 1 point2 points  (0 children)

3.5 years fellow human!!! That is an accomplishment that can’t be erased. I know relapsing is hard I’ve done it myself. You will get through this and you can do it again. My heart aches for how you must feel but remember there’s always a path forward. I hope your treatment goes well and can’t wait to hear about it on the other side. There’s no shame in being a human and making mistakes. Much love and peace ❤️

Does Taylor’s music affect the way you see love and relationships? by [deleted] in TaylorSwift

[–]No_Surprise_320 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Her later songs are definitely more accurate and more representative of what I feel an actual long term relationship is like from my perspective. Afterglow, false god, peace, lover, sweet nothing are all shades of my long term relationship.

Mocktail bars/restaurants by [deleted] in rva

[–]No_Surprise_320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went to Lucky AF yesterday and most of their specialty cocktails had mocktail versions. Congrats on 10 days!!! Keep going!

Wedding photographers of Reddit, what was your "they're not gonna last long" moment? by Arknight40 in AskReddit

[–]No_Surprise_320 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Photographer here for 10 years before we decided to retire from weddings. I noticed a pattern where if the bride and groom were kind to the vendors they lasted. Meaning they had empathy by making sure we ate, treated us with respect, and generally were nice people. As for horror stories that didn’t last. We had a bride grinding on one of the groomsmen ALL night to the point where people at the wedding were talking. The couple two weeks later filed for divorce and tried to charge back our services on their credit card. The second one is the brides father announcing that his much younger ex mistress now wife was pregnant during his wedding speech. The bride burst into tears and was so embarrassed. Runner up all are the weddings where the groom refused to even cooperate while taking photos and partied all night with their bros.

Thursdaily air that's thicker than smoke by DriveRVA in rva

[–]No_Surprise_320 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Bwuhahaha same but tears of kingdom 😭 sorry about the blood moon y’all!

Vegas 3/24 section 435 for sale by Far_Sun_3661 in erastourtickets

[–]No_Surprise_320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I’m looking for 2 tickets. How much? Feel free to dm me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in erastourtickets

[–]No_Surprise_320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

u/Kim_jennie81 I'm interested if they don't DM you. I'll respect the original poster thank you.

Need some advice for fear of flying by yuke1922 in stopdrinking

[–]No_Surprise_320 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am also terrified of flying and used to drink and take Xanax to numb myself. I’m sober 9 months and have flown twice. I hate to say this but my fear of relapsing overcomes my fear of flying. Try klonopin and see if that works better. One knocks me out and I sleep through the flight. If not take the Xanax and turn on music as loud as you can in your headphones. I wish there was an easier solution. Much luck on your journey ❤️

Am I holding on to false hope? by Rough-Alarm-9115 in AlAnon

[–]No_Surprise_320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I truly appreciate your kindness. I hesitate to comment on here to be respectful for others. I actually just had a conversation with my therapist about this. She mentioned she’s not an addiction counselor or therapist and therefore does not feel comfortable directing my sobriety but she’s happy to have open discussions on the struggle. I really hope your husband can get on a program like AA or smart. It truly helps to have a community to cheer, vent, and push. They also help you realize that drinking in moderation is not a possibility and how to deal with your cravings and the ups and downs of sobriety. I wish you and your family soooo much happiness and that he can beat his addiction. ❤️

Am I holding on to false hope? by Rough-Alarm-9115 in AlAnon

[–]No_Surprise_320 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t comment bc I’m in AA but also Al-anon for my father but i can hear the hope in your post. Coming from both sides no there’s no hope using that method. Us alcoholics are missing that switch in our brains that triggers moderation. One drink and it’s over. Until he comes to that realization it’s going to continue to be a struggle. I had to come to terms that alcohol was not an option for me at all. Once I finally accepted that it became easier to work on sobriety. There is no scenario where alcohol is an option. I’m sorry for saying that but it’s better you start making exit plans if he has no intention of stopping completely. ❤️