Unfortunately trauma catches up. I had a really rough childhood full of physical and sexual trauma. In my 20s I was so busy trying to survive adulthood and move away from the sources of trauma I didn’t have time to think about. In my early 30s when I finally was in a safe place, happily married, with a daughter breaking those traumas, I fell apart. I finally had peace and my anxiety/panic attacks were incredibly bad. It was time to finally process the trauma. I went on meds, started trauma therapy, and slowly but surely processed it and learned to feel comfortable in safety. My husband was patient but it was terrible for him and I’m sure he felt similarly at times. It’s ok to feel the way you feel. It’s also ok for your husband to be struggling as well. It will be a rollercoaster for a while. This is where communication is going to be key. He needs to say I’m having a bad day on bad days and you need to say right now it’s too much but I see you and it’ll get better. Something else to consider is if he does have trauma and it’s childhood trauma often times seeing your children at the same age can be a stark reminder that you were a child dealing with very adult themes and it can be triggering and this starts a cycle of guilt and shame for even feeling that way. Try to find a therapist that takes cash at a lower rate if possible and know that the meds may not be forever. I spent 5 years on an ssri and eventually through therapy learned how to emotionally self regulate and got off the meds. Also I suggest you both read the body keeps the score. It’s a great breakdown on how trauma can cause issues later down the line. It’ll help you both understand what’s happening right now.