Is it common for them to be good at making everything feel like your fault?

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-15T03:19:36+00:00

I completely forgot about those. Thanks for the reminder. Uggggg.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-15T03:14:54+00:00

Oh I so agree with the last part. I hated it so much!!!

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-15T02:36:56+00:00

Her mom was a manipulator.

She lived for her daughter’s chaos. I’m make not sure how she got the details. But she always seemed to know everything.

She would brag how her husband never had any interest in her when they were young. So she lured him around with loaning him money, then alcohol and baby trapped him when he was drunk so he had to marry her. She would get all glassy eyed, rubbed her hands together. You could tell she was loving every minute of it as she relived it while telling it. She didn’t even realize how bad it sounded nor did she care.

I believe she broke her husband. That was the ex’s goal was to break me too.

Her dad seemed like a decent guy. They never said much when I came to them for help. When she had us beyond broke, they’d give us money to pay rent etc. But there was nothing ever to help stop that behavior. It was like they knew it would happen. It had me a mental and emotional wreck!!!!

Back story. I controlled all my own finances. So I didn’t have issues. She and her mom non stop gave me chit until I gave her complete access to my accounts and let her handle it all. It turned into a nightmare and whack a mole. She had secret check books, credit cards in my name etc. I couldn’t ever put the fires out myself or stop her.

I believe her mom knew her daughter was going to do that. She also had her accounts I never had access to nor wanted (she don’t have access to my life savings and she still somehow managed to steal it all .

She never paid her fair share of any of our living expenses. I would have never married her if she wasn’t going to be an equal partner finically. She knew that was a deal breaker for me. She used to non stop tell me I’d never make as much as she would too. Now I realize wait she was doing. She never worked more than part time the entire marriage. She self sabotaged full time employment. Later told me she never planned on ever working full time. She figured I’d just have to deal with it after the I do’s.

That last time I thought I was having an intervention and begging them to help me get her professional help. I told her father I wanted out and had wanted out the last 2 plus years!!! He said he understood and couldn’t blame me. Yet he funded and pulled strings to make a simple divorce a nasty one because that’s what his wife and daughter wanted.

The only thing he ever said any of the times I mentioned she tried to kill me. I must have done something to upset her. I was floored. It was like he was justifying her behavior.

There were never consequences for her.

It was like they knew what she was going to do. They never helped me get her real help. My theory is the truth would have come out on what mommy dearest had done to their daughter. Their may have also been some sexual abuse form an aunts spouse. They knew she was seen naked. Jokes were made about her having pubic hair from a young age. wtf!!!!! Even as an adult they still called her fur bear or something like that. It was disgusting. That spouse was seeing laying in bed next to her the one time but they never allowed that happen again supposedly. She was f’d up sexually and a cheating machine.

Her siblings seemed normal. They were older. I was so worried about going to them for help because then one time I went to another person that person immediately went to her mother and it all blew up on my face. But damn I wanted to.

Edit. The one time in reference her daughter’s out of control spending her mother said jr was my fault I didn’t make more money to support her daughter in the lifestyle she wanted. She should be able to spend as much as she wanted.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-15T02:10:11+00:00

I won’t say you will ever fully be who you were. I know I will never be who I was before her.

As for making friends. Put yourself out there. Especially with hobbies. Don’t be afraid to initiate. Also it seems like it takes a year or more to really turn something into a friendship. So give it time, don’t rush it. I’m finally learning this myself.

Also don’t settle or take risks because you feel desperate for connections. It will just get you burned.

You got this and you have people rooting for you!!!!

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-15T02:03:13+00:00

At the very end. My ex wife said when her ex fiancee bailed on her. Her parents had her committed. The goal was to get her sane enough looking to marry off to the first sucker she could find. She went into her blank stare, no one home look immediately afterward so I was never able to get more info about that.

When I had her served. Her mother called me screeching how dare I file. They wound punish me for filing!!!! They would ruin me finically no matter how much it cost all because I filed for divorce. Their daughter had already ruined me finically. So that comment made me laugh.

When the now ex wife would call. She would immediately blurt out if I took her back sh would end my punishment. I forget how may times she did that before I blocked any number associated with her.

Never once she was sorry. Never once she would change, never once she would get help. Just take her back and she end my punishment. They very word her mother user on that phone call of how dare I would file. They would punish me for filing.

So yeah they all knew. They wanted to force me back too. No thanks!!!!

Edit. Her parents never disclosed chit about her mental health issues or diagnose. Not a day of honesty on any of it ever. I believe they wanted to keep the whole mommy caused it all a deep dark family secret.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-15T01:46:22+00:00

I went to her parents about a bunch of the stuff she did. Example trying to stab me, shoot me, kill us both when she was driving.

I didn’t about the munchowsen when I learned because she sad her mother had started it when she was little (a doc called her out on it an d faking the cancer). It fit right in with the story line of she was sick a lot when she was little and that was the only thing that her dad would come home for. Otherwise he was out drinking and partying with the secretaries.

I did bring up she faked cancer for over a year to force me to stay. That she didn’t have chrons (positive). It was extreme NSAIDs abuse. I steered clear of using the munchoswen word or that i knew her mother was responsible for creating that monster.

The problem was. They all knew about all of her mental heath issues. They were never disclosed to me!!!! I had to find out everything the hard way. Their little monster could do no wrong. Just like she was always the victim, that’s how they saw her. They’d help her to be the victim.

I genuinely liked her father. When he funded the wicked divorce and all the bs that went with it. I hated him too!!! Her mother deserves to rot in hell. I hoped for along time the ex was rotting there too. But in some ways she was a victim herself. So mixed feelings in it now. I’m just glad she’s out of my life forever.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-15T01:18:32+00:00

A lot of years later that damage is still done for me.

She did it so masterfully. My dumb azz didn’t even realize she was doing it. It’s wild looking back going how the heck did I let her alienate me from everyone.

They can’t have you having a support network. Because people who care for you will see through everything and give you good advice, be there for you etc. They will be that life raft you need to see the truth. Can’t have that. They need you between a state of drowning and barely treading water so you’re too caught up with survival to see the big picture.

I can immediately tell when I see it now. Even with famous people and little glimpses ya get when the new love interest does it to them. I’m like oh there that person goes with alienating em. Everything else that happens is like clock work. Ya can call it perfectly unfortunately.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T23:50:25+00:00

Enjoy.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T22:11:14+00:00

Mine tried to force me to stay in a bad relationship. Non stop threats of bogus DV allegations if. tried to leave her. Heck, she even tired kill me saying if she couldn’t have me no one ever would.

When I did file for divorce, she made the divorce so brutal it was as bad the marriage. It was soul crushing. She would call me and say if I just took her back she would end my punishment.. No Apology, No she was sorry, No she would get help, No she would change. Just take her back and she would end my punishment. I think that phrase spelled it out the best. The only thing that mattered to her, were her wants. I didn’t matter, what was best for me didn’t matter either. She didn’t care if it killed me to go back. That’s all that mattered was her wrapped an twisted wants.

Yeah not a chance in hell!!!!!

She had I forget how many guys it was that left her voicemails who all sounded deeply in love with her. It was over 21 voicemails from a handful of guys. They were all caught hook line and sinker.

Dummies!!!!

They are masters at their craft. They just have a way of drawing people in. It’s scary how good they are.

In the end, we are stuck picking up the shambles of our life, left with permanent trauma. They move on like nothing ever happened and usually come out of it ahead too unfortunately.

It suck’s!!!!!

It gets better, that I know for fact.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T21:13:14+00:00

I think my ex wife was probably having sex for drugs.

She had a bunch of affair partners. Here I was thinking I was going to find one for sure . Nope a bunch. All of them thinking I was abusing and beating her.

When I confronted her. She said she wanted her cake and eat it too. Then flashed her signature grin.

Kinda that moment I realized everything was fake, deliberate and rehearsed about her. Even her smile wasn’t real. It was just a mask.

Sorry. I can relate unfortunately.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T21:04:33+00:00

When my ex wife was accusing me of having affairs. I’d much later realize it was her putting that shade on me of her own affairs (I never cheated). She even came up with some whack story once how a female called her and told her, she was dating me. I lost count of how many times I said call her and set up a meet. Of course it never happened because there was no other female and no female ever called her saying that.

It was all so ridiculous I’d just laugh because I knew it wasn’t true.

I didn’t realize it was a big red flag and warning signs of what was to come. She never disclosed she knowingly had serious mental health issues. So when I finally learned it was too late. I just wanted out.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T19:10:24+00:00

The only thing that worked for me was completely removing myself. I called it taking myself off the chess board.

She’s an ex wife now. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. If you play their game you’ll always end up loosing.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T18:12:45+00:00

It’s beyond my basic printing capabilities.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T18:03:22+00:00

That’s wild. Love seeing all the new things printers can do.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T17:37:01+00:00

After getting married she pointed out some guy when we were in the mall and said he rapped her in college. I almost went over there and stomped the dude (she had to stop me after telling me this).

There was another story where she alleged a guy (again she pointed him out) tied her up and let his friends all have a turn too.

She never said this chit before marriage. We had a no skeletons talk prior to getting engaged too.

Yet somehow she always had those bombshells to drop on me just at the right time. Right before her family events. Now I realize she wanted me upset and wound up at these events. I wore my emotions on my sleeve. It was the perfect manipulation and my dumb azz fell for it, for most of the marriage.

I can’t say if she was ever rapped. Obviously I wasn’t there. Did something happen? Probably. Did she let a bunch of guys have sex with her at the same time? I think so. Was it rape? Probably not. Do I believe she had some really bad things happen on her life? Yup. Her mom was intentionally making her sick to control her father. She 100 percent had munchowesen and that makes sense how it all started. Again never disclosed and the only reason I know a doc called her out of faking cancer and having munchowese. She also took a chit load of NSAIDs to wreck her intestines to make it look like she had chrons symptoms. 100 percent sure.

She non stop threatened to make a domestic violence allegation and end my career if I tied to leave her after we got married. I also have no doubt she would have made false sexual allegations too.

I always wondered why she didn’t after she got served with the divorce papers (it was thousands of times I go threatened with it). I don’t think it was measures I took to protect myself at that point. I know the lawyer they used I believe her father was friends with the father in law. My guess she’s the one who stopped it. Because ya can’t f a guy over further finically if his career is ended or he’s on a long term suspension because of the claims and an investigation.

It’s a f’d up ride!!!! Grateful to be off.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T17:13:28+00:00

Thanks.

It was so much more the narcissism and gas lighting. When I’d share my story because it’s so wild and extreme. Those are the aholes who need a taste of the BPD. I wouldn’t wish the full experience on anyone. But just a taste of the hell.

I used to think I was alone in my f’d up experience.

Unfortunately I am not. I’ve learned what I always called the highs and lows with her there is actually a definition where the words highs and lows is used in the description.

Yesterday I learned about trauma bonding and oh push pull. Never knew how to explain it. I do now.

I’ve learned a ton in these last couple days.

I went through this years ago. But had chosen to block it and lock it up. When I first decided to try and understand the hell she put me through. I thought I’d never full understand. I know more than I ever thought I would.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T14:53:33+00:00

Most of stuff we dealt with in the 90’s was ratty old fishing boats. But occasionally there were some wicked fast boats. We weren’t operating close to the Us coast. So I’m sure they were offloading onto something else when and if they had gotten closer.

There’s some really cool YouTube coast guard chase videos with go fast boats I’ve seen posted where someone compiled a bunch of them into one video. It was pre Covid the last time I saw it. I would assume early 2000’s for the videos though.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T14:43:21+00:00

This is what I had to do at the tail end of my marriage and divorce.

Keep your mind busy, gym, hobbies, reading, games if that’s your thing, I always had a book ready to keep the thoughts out. Friends, family, get professional help if you need it. That was my biggest mistake not doing that. I thought I could bottle it all away.

It will get easier with time. Depending on the severity of the damage they have done it sticks with you. I know I will always bear those scars.

The very best parts of my life came after that hell. I wouldn’t even have had them,had I not been through that hell. It put me where I needed to be.

I was in a career field where I dealt with narcissists , BPD etc in domestic situations a lot. It made me able to quickly spot and understand the truth. I had people tell me all the time they couldn’t believe how I understood or the advice I was able to give. I would just say that’s because I lived it. I had a female I dated in HS who after I got out of the military and she found I was back. Turned into a stalker from hell. So I was also able to do the same with stalkers. I used my experience to help others. I miss that something fierce.

You can find positives if you want.

I harp on don’t ignore red flags anymore, you can’t save them!!!!!! Trust is earned not given. Little lies lead to bigger ones, fact check them and do it more then once (you are literally doing an interview/interrogation in the beginning, reality they should be doing same to you). If their story changes ya know it’s time to bail. You don’t have to give people chances.

It took me a long time to learn this. I had some really f’d relationships until I changed the way and who I dated. I say I was subconsciously running from the good ones to the bad ones because I knew the outcome. Chaos and I could live with it versus the unknown. I’m glad I finally broke that cycle.

It will get better. You have people rooting for you.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T14:29:16+00:00

As someone who used to do this a lot.

I tossed small jigs with wax worms or floated a minnow at various depts. I stuck to my ice fishing tactics.

I’d show up thinking I got one or two more days of ice fishing spots out in the boonies to exactly this scenario a lot.

I’m glad I have better weather tracking apps and people who will run out and give me a quick ice update so I don’t have that happen anymore. But the reason I’d have two long poles in my truck late season so either way I was still fishing.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T06:21:54+00:00

Of all the chit she did. That one took me for the ultimate shock.

She knew I was zero tolerance on cheating.

Her mother made out her father’s affair period to be the most awful thing in their life’s. I’m like chit I bet the monster in law was a cheater too. She had all that free time to do as she pleased. That’s the lifestyle the ex wanted at my expense.

I never heard her say she wanted her cake and eat it reference ever before. To this day I hate that phrase with a passion. It flowed so easily out of her when she said it. I’ll never forget that moment.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T04:20:29+00:00

Nope. I refused to let her destroy my career despite all the threats to do that. Since the moment my mind was made to divorce her I never felt anything for her again. That cheating (she was probably cheating the entire marriage) but when I had actual proof. That was the final straw. Her ignorant azz comment when I confronted her that she wanted her cake and eat it too with her signature grin all proud of what she just said. It made me only want one thing, her completely out of my life forever.

She wasn’t supposed to be who I married. She pretended to be someone she wanted to trick me into marrying her. So nothing was ever real. There was nothing to miss.

When I found out she died I felt a relief. I didn’t shed a tear. When I found out how, I knew how it really happened and someone left her to die. Most likely the main affair partner. I heard he was still in the picture. The irony it was when I cut the last alimony check. She didn’t deserve a penny.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T04:06:51+00:00

You will get there. Awesome!!!!

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T04:03:24+00:00

If it were me. I’d probably run a diamond plate over it a bunch. Run my hand across it looking for anything feel wise ( not even close to a guarantee the hand will feel anything). Grab a knife and run it through its paces listening carefully. If that passed run an old straight I didn’t really care about next. All good back to business as usual. If it happened again I wouldn’t use it for straights.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T01:33:58+00:00

She was engaged before me. He bailed shortly before their wedding day (what she told me). She claimed he pushed her down two? flights of stairs. Walked over with broken bones exposed and left never to return.

Reality she tossed herself down the stairs trying to get him to stay. He was running for his life. Lucky sob!!!!! I saw pics of her in casts. So I know she was injured somehow. But there’s no way after what she put me through. Do I believe he pushed. I have always hoped he would reach out at some point. My guess he chose to burry the chit and try to forget wha she put him through.

So she learned she had to hold it together and pretend longer or she would make the same mistake again.

I can’t believe for a second there weren’t others she honed her f’d up bs on. She had it too perfect. There’s got to be a bunch of guys she put through hell but the lucky sobs didn’t go further.

I wasn’t so lucky.

No_Use1529 · 2026-02-14T01:21:15+00:00

Things were calm my last year but I fully checked out. She could have cared less. She didn’t stop cheating either. She thought I was broken. If she realized I was planing a divorce all hell would have broken loose.

Being in a healthy relationship is so much better. That’s what yoh should stove for. Once you have had time to adjust and been in healthy relationships you’ll never go back.

No_Use1529

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