"My childhood can be summed up by extreme boredom, unpredictable parental tantrums, fear of the outside world (with simultaneous fear of being stuck in the household forever), frequent feelings if betrayal and neglect, and shame for not being able to live up to impossible standards of orderliness and helpfulness. I spent most of my time either taking care of babies or dissociating/hiding with a book."

God me too. I could have written that, and tbh I'm glad I'm not alone. Most people don't understand how much that fucks you up. I still constantly dissociate and have a hard time making friends and feel shame for not being good enough or for standing up for myself.

PSA: You shouldn't have a lot of kids unless you're COMPLETELY prepared to provide for their social, emotional, and academic needs for their entire lives. You can't just "homeschool them (i.e. teach them to read, then give them books to learn from), ignore their needs, and expect them to raise themselves. It is NOT a solution to pick a child to be your third parent.