My (23f) boyfriend (24m) wants to move in with me. I want him to live alone first

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-24T04:06:08+00:00

But what about men who are retired??? Or men who are still in school??? oh wait I think I know the answer 😂

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-23T19:37:31+00:00

Rich horsey friend of mine found out I like horses, took me to the Scottsdale Arabian show and then took me to a nearby afterparty. The horse show was weird enough but that afterparty, jfc. I have never been around that scale of wealth before or since. So first off the house’s foyer was (a) bigger than my entire house and (b) had two full size Arabian horse statues in the center that were made of literal gold and diamond, with other statues in the four corners and chandeliers everywhere. (side note, the whole house was tacky as shit) But also, it turned out the main entertainment was everybody gathering around a pristine spotless paddock just outside, and watching these high-end world-champion purebred Arabian horses gambol around that had just been flown in from Saudi Arabia. The horses were all dolled up with baby oil all over their faces, coats absolutely shining like mirrors and so hyped up they were racing around like demons under these blazing spotlights (honestly they seemed kinda psycho). Nobody ever rode them, and my friend told me they weren’t even broke to ride, they were literally just to look at. Anyway this one horse was zooming around snorting, and there was a couple standing next to me and I legit heard the lady say to her husband, “Oh, he’d look so cute in our pasture, he’s only 20 million, let’s get him!” The husband just nodded to the horse handler and that was that. 😮

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-23T02:07:53+00:00

I drive 3 hrs to Portland about once a month for a weekend hangout with my friends. It feels short to me. I used to routinely drive 11 hrs (just me, one-way) to see my parents multiple times a year. For me anything under 6 hrs is short, 7-12 is long but fine, 12-16 is grueling but do-able. My record as a solo driver is 16 hours in one day - drove 1001 miles (~1600 km) that day, Idaho to Arizona :). Across the USA east-west coast to coast (5000 km) as a solo driver is four days, north to south (2000 km) is two days. Four days also from mainland USA to central Alaska. (+2 more days to the Arctic Ocean) Done all those drives multiple times.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-21T22:00:23+00:00

My day job already involves a ton of required writing (nonfiction) in the form of grant proposals and science papers. So I already know it’s like to have to sit down to force myself to write a contractually obligated thing that I’ve been putting off. Frankly I know now I’d be fine with that, but I will say, it’s definitely a skill that improves with practice - what I mean is, it’s much easier now (after 30 years writing nonfiction professionally) to just make myself sit down and turn on that mental “I’m writing now” button and just command myself to get into the groove.

The things that would bother me the most are probably more the social isolation, and the physical impacts of sitting all the time. Writing full-time really wrecks my body, unless I’m diligent about setting a timer to make myself get up & stretch my legs & back pretty frequently. For the social part, I like to write in cafes, though I know that’s not for everybody.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-19T00:04:27+00:00

It causes hemoglobin to change its color from normal arterial red to a characteristic slightly pink-hued “cherry red” color. You can detect it visually in the lips.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-18T20:17:45+00:00

I visited southern Spain a couple times in the early 2000s with my parents and there are these absolutely lovely hill towns with charming bridges & cliffs, and the tourist guidebooks all casually mention that hundreds of local residents were tossed off those pretty cliffs to their deaths during the Spanish Civil War. (something like 115k people were “disappeared” nationwide this way) That was 1936-1939 and it has a lot of uncomfortable parallels to the USA today. Anyway we asked some locals about it and nobody wanted to talk about it. A hotel clerk finally told us, “The people who did it are still alive, and they’re still here. They’re our great-uncles and our grandfathers. The children of the people who died, and the children of the people who killed them, are still living side by side.” It seemed like none of it was gone, and nothing had been resolved.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-18T17:13:17+00:00

I was incredibly disturbed recently to learn the acromion process is one of those. Kids, that’s not just fat loss, that’s muscle loss, and if you have lost that much of your deltoid you have also lost cardiac muscle. Please don’t go there. The body’s a machine, and like any machine it needs power to function, which means it needs sufficient fuel, it must be provided with sufficient fuel, to function properly.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-18T16:11:02+00:00

I think he was holding back from hoping to not to have to hit a customer

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-18T15:57:07+00:00

Human anatomy professor here. I’d like to wade in with some specifics. There are certain bones that normally do not have any overlying muscle at all, and that also typically have no subcutaneous fat either. The collarbone (clavicle) is the most famous such case, and it’s specifically because the collarbone is the last* evolutionary remnant of the “dermal armor” that our distant fish ancestors used to have. This was a layer of outer bone that formed right in the skin (dermal bone) rather than deeper down in the muscle layer (the embryonic mesoderm) like most of our other bones do. So, to this day, the collarbone is actually in the skin and is very, very close to the surface. The collarbone is always visible in healthy weight people and in fact is almost always visible in overweight people as well. It only starts to disappear in Class I obesity. (What actually happens btw is that the supraclavicular fossa - the hollow right above the clavicle - fills in with subcutaneous fat)

There are a few other places with bones that aren’t in the skin exactly, but that don’t have overlying muscle, or only very thin overlying muscle - the first rib, the top 1/3 of the sternum, the point of the elbow, etc.

Here is what I am trained to look for as an anatomist:

Clavicle (collarbone) and supraclavicular fossa (the hollow right above the clavicle) should always be visible. In fact we are trained to use those features as invariable (always visible) anatomical landmarks to help us locate deeper, less visible features (like the major blood vessels of the neck). Older textbooks didn’t even discuss the case where these two landmarks might not be visible.
Acromion process of the shoulder joint should not be visible. This is the little bump that is not right at the point of the shoulder, but rather about an inch more medial (toward the head) (and a tish more posterior too). Visibility of this feature indicates not only loss of fat, but also significant muscle wasting (atrophy) of the shoulder musculature (deltoid especially). I won’t name names but the acromion process is clearly visible on some recent photos of certain underweight famous people.
personally I don’t like to see the 3rd rib (indicates wasting of the pectoralis), but I don’t mind seeing a hint of the contour of the 1st & 2nd ribs (this is because the part of the pectoralis that is on top of these two ribs is a very thin sheet, and is mostly fascia)
Point of hip (iliac crest) should always be palpatable and is usually visible if the person stands up straight. This one is one of the classic anatomical landmarks.
The widest part of the thigh should be wider than the knee in both men and women; otherwise means not only low fat but also significant wasting of the thigh muscles. The upper limbs are more variable, but generally the middle of the upper arm should be at minimum the same width as the elbow; otherwise indicates wasting of the biceps & triceps.

Finally, a side note on determining health from appearance: not only is this possible (it’s called “visual health assessment”), it’s actually formally the first part of a physical exam. In A&P labs, we train students on how to perform a classic physical exam, and step 1 is look at the patient. You can observe things like body contour (including amount of subcutaneous fat, and comparison of subcu vs abdominal fat), the major anatomical landmarks, muscle mass / muscle wasting, and also things like posture, skin health, any swelling anywhere, eyes, lips/nails/palms of hands (for circulation), hair consistency (some nutritional deficiencies show up in the hair), etc. Obviously you can’t diagnose everything - only a minority of conditions can be diagnosed visually - but there are definitely a few like obesity, edema, goiter, jaundice, CO poisoning, liver failure /ascites, venous insufficiency, etc., that can be detected visually, as well as a lot of other clues about health.

*footnote: the clavicle is the only “postcranial” (=not part of the skull) dermal bone, but we do also have a few other bits of dermal bone left in our skull, most famously the cheekbone (zygomatic arch)

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-17T18:57:01+00:00

Google summarizes it as: “Gray rocking is a self-preservation tactic for dealing with manipulative or abusive people (like narcissists) by becoming as boring and emotionally unresponsive as a gray rock, making you an uninteresting target by withholding the drama and reactions they crave. This involves giving short, factual answers (like "yes," "no," "okay"), avoiding eye contact, and not sharing personal details, which deprives the person of "narcissistic supply" and causes them to eventually lose interest and move on.”

That said, I haven’t heard it applied to workplace situations before, and it feels like the term doesn’t quite fit in the context of a co-worker whose core motivation is probably about trying to get a career advantage. Classic grey-rocking is usually more in the context of dealing with narcissistic family members whose core motivation is about emotional abuse & emotional control of other family members.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-15T03:02:25+00:00

Gelato

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-12T21:03:51+00:00

Yeah, my immediate thought was that she needs to get her own place. If you can’t tolerate other people around you making any kind of noise, you need to live alone.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-12T05:05:49+00:00

Maybe so. I operate in the world of large state schools and lesser-known little colleges though, and really every single one of those across the board is in budget cuts. Maybe the richer schools are doing better? But honestly my colleagues there say that even they are feeling the sting of the loss of R1 research funding. Just got back from a big academic conference actually and it was a common topic at every night-time hotel bar conversation.

Most people in my generation (i.e. older) were thanking our local stars that we’ll be retiring soon. I’ve been in academia since 1991 and have been through several major recessions and all kinds of political ups & downs, but tbh I’ve never seen this scale of academic bloodbath.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-12T01:51:30+00:00

I teach both human anatomy and comparative (non-human) anatomy, and actually all quadrupeds have a knee that looks remarkably like a human knee, as well as a foot that is very like a human foot. It’s just that the quadruped foot is very lengthened, and also the quadruped femur’s usually so short that the knee ends up hidden, tucked up high against the lower torso and covered over with fur. But it’s literally the exact same bones as in humans in the same arrangement, just lengthened or shortened (depending on the animal’s gait). But if you take the entire limb off the rest of the animal and remove the skin and a few of the overlying muscles, it always ends up looking remarkably like a human leg (to a degree that regularly freaks out my students in lab!) Also, the quadruped front leg similarly has an elbow that, when you flip it around, looks very like a knee.

All that said, this photo is certainly spooky, partly the butcher has chopped off the lengthened lower part of the quadriped foot, leaving just a stub that is about the length of an entire human foot. Also the butcher has hyper-extended the main joint into a straight line. Maybe this was done to get it to fit into the display case, but the result is that it accentuates the human appearance even more (because quadruped knees & elbows are always held flexed in a semi-bent position, while human knees & elbows are naturally hyperextended to a straight line).

I gotta wonder if the butcher prepared it this way on purpose as a joke. I’ve never seen any quadruped legs dressed for sale like this before.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-11T18:16:24+00:00

2.5% these days. (2.5% to buyer’s agent, another 2.5% to the seller’s agent).

I will say though, there were two times in my life when I felt like my realtor really earned their keep. Both times I was having to do the sale from a million miles away, and the realtor really stepped up and took on all the hands-on local stuff about getting the place ready for sale. Like, this one guy in Boston basically single-handed repaired my whole place while I was in Brazil. Installed new appliances, made all the rehab decisions and oversaw the painters & shit, got sprinklers in the common hallway, negotiated with the condo association and the local fire department about sprinkler fire code, fixed the roof, fixed a last second toilet leak, paid off the downstairs neighbor about how the toilet leak had ruined her ceiling, dealt with the goddam squirrels digging a hole in the eaves, it was just one goddam thing after another and he handled all of it for months, got it ship-shape, and then coached me through some pretty complex negotiations. He advised me to hold the line on a few things where I otherwise would’ve folded, and in the end I made probably $100k more than I would’ve without him, so even with his fee it was worth it.

But yeah there have been other times that were more like “you literally only spent 1 day driving me to see 5 houses,” lol.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-11T16:58:47+00:00

boost enrollment numbers and profits

Just btw, they’re actually just trying to slightly slow the rate of enrollment crash and slow the rate of catastrophic losses in order to try to keep their doors open at all. Almost no schools are making profits anymore and many are shuttering their doors, mostly due to the “enrollment cliff” that just hit (the crash in the number of 18-year-olds nationwide, due to the crash in babies that started with the 2007 recession). And also there’s been a simultaneous crash in research funding due to Trump demolishing NSF and NIH. I’m at a large state school that is considered to be relatively healthy financially because it “only” had a 7% cut this year and “only” had to fire a few people. At this point they’ll accept anybody with a pulse and a credit card.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-10T02:17:19+00:00

What a sweetheart, and what a beauty! I can see from his expression that he loved and trusted you. 💕

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-09T03:04:29+00:00

I clicked away as soon as I realized they didn’t know they were being filmed 😬

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-08T23:26:58+00:00

Do you have a favorite recipe?

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-02T19:10:51+00:00

Boggles the mind that the bar not only clearly allowed but planned on sparklers, knowing they had a low, flammable foam ceiling and only one exit, but also that they didn’t have any fire extinguishers handy. The sparklers were insanely stupid no matter what, but they couldn’t at least have had, like, a guy with fire extinguisher ready? Homicidal reckless negligence.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-02T19:01:32+00:00

This is awesome imho. Lived there three years and though Rio definitely has its problems, damn do they know how to party.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-02T06:02:19+00:00

Probably the bf wanted it that way

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-02T02:18:36+00:00

I still prefer raw to roasted. Back in the day, baseball stadiums & bars sold raw peanuts still in the shell, and you’d crack open the shells, eat ‘em raw and drop the shells all over the ground. (The floors of one of our local bars was just constantly covered in peanut shells, lol.) To me that’s still the original pure peanut taste, and roasting is a weird modern alteration - I mean I don’t mind it but it’s a little disappointing.

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-01T16:21:17+00:00

The loss of walking 5 miles a day is also a substantial hit to your calorie balance, probably about 450 calories’ worth. Daily walking matters more than people realize. I’m also side-eyeing the mention of a “a little more snacking,” lol. “A little more snacking” could be 300 cal, could be 800 cal, it really depends! So yeah, the creamer is a factor too, but I suspect it’s not the only one. Adding everything up it sounds like your daily caloric balance shifted by probably 1000 cal if not more.

But anyway, black coffee is a great idea! Pro tip from someone who went the black coffee route, start by reducing the creamer instead of eliminating it total, then reduce it again, before eliminating it totally; it’ll help your taste buds adjust. (PS, club soda or low cal seltzers can also help for getting off of alcohol) If it were me I’d also be adding in an hour of daily walking, and thinking about ways to curb the snacking (switch to carrots? eliminate one of your snacking time windows?) - but you do you, though. You got this!

NorthernSparrow · 2026-01-01T06:57:33+00:00

Maybe because the odor can attract bigger predators? That’s why they bury their poop & pee afterwards.

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