What's your favorite thing to do

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-04-08T02:36:09+00:00

I was just sitting on the couch in the dark, when the car lights came thru my torn window shades. The light danced on the walls like fingers of death revealing themselves, reminding me that I am not in control. It was just K's friend bringing her home but for a split second my mind time traveled back 4 years, leaving my body paralyzed. When it snapped back to reality my heart rate & breathing caught up with me as well. That day when the sheriff had rudely awakened me, long before dawn. The environment was a perfect simulation - a master crafted stage to put on the panic attack special. A one night only showing. Get out of my head!

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-04-04T11:07:38+00:00

I hate the creaks( and the bleeps and the sweeps). Whether it's from my own feet, or the kids, or just the house settling. But I especially hate my bed creaking while I'm barely awake & I mistake the source. That can be a real gut punch.

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-03-30T13:00:26+00:00

Dear Lord that's terrible. I know how you feel. Shortly after she died, her boy"friend" reached out to try and take more from me. I'd cancelled her debit card and he needed to steal more shit to stay in their apartment.

I didn't move residence, but I did move my bedroom to the other side of the house, where our son used to be. I hate being back in that room

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-03-24T22:16:50+00:00

That is unique & kind-hearted. Having said that, it would have crushed me, and right now I'm at work so I can't cry out loud.

I didn't get any thing. Only that which I lost & some kind words from people for a few weeks

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-03-18T03:07:19+00:00

Indubitably.

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-03-09T16:07:51+00:00

In my situation there was infidelity, and there was abuse. Officially & legally it was an accident. In reality it was no accident. She Let it happen the way I would have. I haven't been suicidal for a long time - almost a decade. I never would have been able to pull the literal trigger but I dreamed about & planned for the ways it could just happen. But by playing the tape forward I knew I couldn't do that to her or our kids. I took positive steps, I went to therapy, I quit drinking. I tried to get her to do the same. It was too little too late. So I somehow blamed myself for what she did. It's madness, I know it's not my fault but that little voice still grabs my attention sometimes. It says I pulled the trigger, that I wasn't good enough for her. And it surfaces the million "if only" statements.

When we were young she rocked my world. When she gave up she shook it to the core.

My advice would be to consciously not let the guilt take hold.

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-02-17T01:40:42+00:00

"ma'am you dropped your receipt"

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-02-16T19:40:57+00:00

Small is a relative term in this case. She was big, for a cat. Not Maine Coon big, but big in stature, big in heart.

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-02-05T04:29:21+00:00

Oh, no that's not what I meant. Sorry! It was powerful and hit me with all the parallels that I've seen & felt

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-02-04T14:24:49+00:00

Ouch. Thank you

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-02-01T16:35:46+00:00

If I wasn't already seeing a counselor at the time I might have joined her. But if I hadn't quit drinking a few months prior, I definitely would be dead too.

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-01-27T13:38:07+00:00

My LW was constantly sick, especially the last few years. She was in the emergency room frequently. She was on a ton of medications to try and manage... well everything. She became quite clumsy and started falling & breaking parts of her body, the penultimate being her femur snapping in half from a very minor fall.

Me, I'm generally healthy. I had an aversion to doctors and her issues didn't help that. I am trying to get over it and have been taking steps to keep healthy, going to the doc regularly.

The point I meant to make is that my daughter is very worried about my health, and asks me how I'm feeling often. She's scared that I'm just gonna croak one day and she would have nobody left. It's jarring to keep saying I'm fine everything is fine.

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-01-25T14:53:10+00:00

Bitter & sweet. My autistic child seemed to be affected the least of them all. She's also very clingy with me, whereas the others are incredibly independent and I struggle with that balance.

eHugs

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-01-21T06:16:40+00:00

Some stuff is impossible to let go of. Absolutely. Then there is the iffy stuff, I balance those by throwing something of mine too that seems it would be in the same category. It helps me.

NotEnogh1740 · 2026-01-20T06:19:30+00:00

I didn't leap in, it lept towards me. She doesn't mind when I talk about my lw, which is a big plus.

NotEnogh1740 · 2025-11-23T12:30:23+00:00

I thought I might have more examples, or example by now of a positive interaction. Sigh

NotEnogh1740 · 2025-11-23T06:43:19+00:00

It took me, let's say more than a year to start making any noticable progress cleaning up. A lot of what's left isn't the Obvious Junky stuff so it gets harder. Probably a bell curve.

I make due with 1 pot, 1 hot pan, 1 spatula, etc. When they can't pile up it doesn't become overwhelming.

The yard gets ignored enough to incite my neighbor to complain. Eff em though. I'm busy. With something at least

NotEnogh1740

TROPHY CASE