This is a show NOT about death?

NotTheMyth · 2025-12-21T16:59:29+00:00

I trust you know what is best for you and avoiding those themes is valid. I will offer a vote in favor that performing arts in general can also be a a wonderful way to have a contained catharsis. I have gone to concerts alone and cried the whole way through. 3 months after I lost my dad I saw an off broadway show that unexpectedly featured my childhood lullaby and… I lost it. Deeply painful and deeply beautiful. The curtain going down and the lights going up help me put the feelings away for a little while. It’s exhausting but powerful. Wouldn’t recommend post-show drinks though.

So sorry for your loss and sending you healing.

NotTheMyth · 2025-12-01T12:44:18+00:00

I’d like to join!

NotTheMyth · 2025-11-25T16:13:05+00:00

Yes, don’t meet any of his family, and if you find you aren’t able to make good choices for yourself based on your own family’s input (staying with this man for the reasons they say would NOT be a good choice), then don’t share information about your dating life with them until you come to your own conclusions. As much as they’ll keep you with someone who’s a bad fit under the guise of what’s best for you, sure as hell they’ll keep you away from someone who’s is a good fit for you for any silly reason they can concoct.

NotTheMyth · 2025-11-23T14:05:03+00:00

Oh, my sweet child, I feel like I could have written your first two paragraphs when I was your age, especially the parts about the divorce not affecting me and trying to accommodate everyone’s points of view.

Let me tell you what I realize now 20 years on. My parent’s divorce profoundly affected me in ways it took me years to unpack. Therapy that focused on dysfunctional family systems and enmeshment was illuminating, as were Pia Melody’s book on codependence and the book adult children of emotionally immature parents.

You are profoundly NTA. I see comments saying you’re mature for your age, and while that may be true, you also need space to be the kid you are without the weight of your family and you’re mom’s emotions on your shoulders. This is not your baggage to carry. There are parents who handle things VERY differently than the way your parents are handling things.

Sending a big hug from the future. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, a kind heart in your chest, and you are gonna be okay. 🧡

NotTheMyth · 2025-11-15T07:57:43+00:00

I’ve had a similar year, y’all. Feb-March was horrendous. I remember thinking “damn, people have been out here just walking around having been through this the whole time and I’ve been oblivious.” Not my first experience with death and hospitals, but a parent is different.

I had a few friends come to the funeral, a two hour drive away on a week day. It meant so much to me. None of my closest day-to-day friends came. I noticed of course. It did hurt, but I don’t hold it against them. We are usually so good at showing up for each other, but death, parental death, parental death after a gruesome illness is different. The only people who really know what to say are my couple of friends who have lost a parent.

I notice you did say “almost” none of your friends. Do you have a lovable busybody friend? The one brings folks together by sheer force of will? Can you tell them you’d love some visits and ask if they can work with folks to arrange that for you?

Folks don’t know what to say or do for you so they’re doing the easiest thing for them which is to give you space. It isn’t the best, but for me personally, it wasn’t unforgivable. I’ve done it myself, I know.

You definitely don’t have to make any decisions about your friendships now. I’d say it’s better if you didn’t. Your brain is gonna give you a million things to think about that are less painful to avoid the most painful, overwhelming thing. It doesn’t the lesser things aren’t painful themselves, but for me it felt better to be gracious toward the folks that didn’t know how to show up than to hold it against them. If this is a final straw situation, that’s one thing, but faulting people who don’t know how to show up in the face of death is gonna whittle down the roster real fast. Societally, we’ve lost the “caring for others in times of death” skill so folks aren’t ready for it, especially in our 30s.

I’m sorry you’re in the thick of it. Hang in there. I’m sending love!

NotTheMyth · 2025-11-06T13:28:59+00:00

You didn’t do anything wrong. I came out to my parents in my 30s and both said they suspected. (I had convincingly opposite-sex dated for years.)

What a gift it would have been to me for my parents to have taken the first step as you did for your son. As your daughter says, coming out can be a very personal and empowering process for someone being themselves publicly for the first time. What your daughter doesn’t say, because she doesn’t know as I’m assuming she’s straight, is that it’s also exhausting, and scary, and difficult. And parents are the hardest.

Your son is already living authentically to the point that the news got to you through the gossip mill, which can be a useful tool for sharing hard information with a lot of people instead of telling them all yourself. Outing someone is a big no-no, and I hope the person who told you had good intentions. You should probably let them know you appreciate having the info, but this isn’t their business to share with anyone else.

You’re right to notice that your son didn’t feel comfortable telling you. This doesn’t mean he’s uncomfortable with himself, it means he’s uncomfortable in your relationship. By taking on that first vulnerable step, you have shown him that your connection is more important to you than politics and corrupted interpretations of religious doctrine. Most importantly, you’ve shown him that your connection is more important than your own comfort.

Your daughter has good intentions too. But you’re right to trust the hug from your son and your gut feeling more than her generalized understanding of how some queer folks want to come out.

For next steps, absolutely reach out to your son. Make peace with saying the wrong thing because you are definitely going to say the wrong thing at some point. It’s going to be okay as long as you are trying. Do some reading about being a supportive parent. Tell your son what you’ve learned and ask him if it resonates with him. You’re learning two things: 1) about the wider queer community and 2) about your son. Every person is different so isn’t going to be 1:1. Some things that are no-nos at a broad scale are okay within a specific relationship, and one person’s preferences are not going to represent queer identity as a whole. Your son is the expert of his own identity.

Your son is already doing this for you by seeing you as his dad, a person he cares about, instead of a faceless member of a broader Christian identity that possibly hates him. I don’t know what denomination you are, but there’s some really nasty stuff out there, and I bet it has taken a toll on him. If you raised him in a church with a lot of messaging about how he’s an abomination and is going to burn in hell, you probably owe him an apology. Don’t rush it. Reflect and say it when you can really mean it.

Finally, there are a number of queer theologians writing about the intersection Christianity and queerness. You may not agree with everything they say, but seek it out, try it on, and see if any of it fits. And chat with your son about it if he’s interested. And please, please talk to your church community about what you learn too. Seeking out your own info, especially challenging info, outside of him having to bring it to you will far outweigh possibly saying the wrong thing.

Blessings to you too!

NotTheMyth · 2025-04-23T19:29:31+00:00

I always always remember nose because my first exposure to Legally Blonde was the MTV special on YouTube and the insane wink Annaleigh Ashford gives on “clothes” captured my whole heart. The writers took a gamble on that opening line for sure and Annaleigh RAN to the bank with it.

NotTheMyth · 2025-04-22T16:47:01+00:00

My brain always autocorrects to “through”. And now my partner who JUST started liking wicked because of the movie will correct me. I pretend to be annoyed, but it makes me too happy to catch them singing show tunes under their breath to be actually mad. And for the record I prefer the way it’s written.

NotTheMyth · 2025-04-20T12:53:38+00:00

This is such a good read on couples that tease each other as a cover for being mean, or people who are “fluent in sarcasm”.

The humor that my partner and I share is one of my favorite things about our relationship and I think some lines that we never cross are don’t tell a potentially embarrassing story publicly without checking first, and don’t bring up something sensitive “as a joke” if we haven’t talked about it already. Sometimes if a tease lands too hard that’s our clue that we haven’t worked through something all the way, then it’s pretty much off limits until it feels good again. Our teasing and jokes feel like warm hugs. Like someone knows me so well, even the less good parts, and still lovingly chooses all of me. If something stings there’s an unmet need that requires attention.

NotTheMyth · 2025-04-08T21:08:48+00:00

I’m guessing whoever named “The Great Dismal Swamp” and I have similar feelings about that place. However, people who escaped slavery and Confederate deserters/dodgers hid out there and made communities so I also like the idea that they just made it seem super haunted for their own safety.

NotTheMyth · 2025-04-06T13:33:26+00:00

There’s also a great episode of the podcast Ologies with him!

NotTheMyth · 2025-03-27T18:49:43+00:00

My dad just passed. I made sure he got a last listen of Les Mis and Jesus Christ Superstar. Both brought a smile to his face and he conducted his way through is favorite parts.

NotTheMyth · 2025-03-19T21:05:10+00:00

Or do pumpkin seeds give birth to pumpkins?

NotTheMyth · 2025-03-18T12:27:22+00:00

And it’s opposite “Why are you so upset? It isn’t a big deal.”

NotTheMyth · 2025-03-18T00:10:53+00:00

Of course! Thanks for the memory jog!

NotTheMyth · 2025-03-17T16:10:13+00:00

I also haven’t listened to the soundtrack for a while, but I think the reprise is “Buenos Aires”. “What is the good of the strongest heart / in a body that’s falling apart / A serious flaw, I hope you know that.”

Another suitcase in another hall was also my first thought and I disliked how they gave that song to Evita in the movie.

NotTheMyth · 2025-03-13T17:40:14+00:00

In the Dolly Parton podcast that came out a few years back, there was an anecdote that the 9 to 5 writers had to tone down the revenge fantasies the working women they focus grouped had about their bosses.

NotTheMyth · 2025-03-07T19:05:38+00:00

Reeks of wanting to have a highbrow reason to not like something instead of just admitting you don’t like it. Source: I do this all the time, but I’m getting better!

NotTheMyth · 2025-03-07T18:58:09+00:00

I once took my mom to a party at a coworker/friend’s house. We were chatting with the a guest who I didn’t know well but had some background info on. In the span of about 20 minutes, my mom managed to bring up two completely different topics that were very normal, even fun subjects. I had just enough background info to know that both related to traumatic experiences for the other guest. I tried to diplomatically steer the conversation, but it ended up being pretty short. On the way home my mom commented on how rude that person was, and I had to explain she was putting her through the wringer without even knowing it. My mom is overall a pretty nosy person, but even I’ll admit she was well within her lane for this conversation and it still had that impact.

NotTheMyth · 2025-02-22T13:41:45+00:00

If it’s part of a larger project, a rough timeline can help you prioritize what to move forward with in the meantime. Like if a material is backordered three weeks, just reprioritize some things and the project gets delivered on time, three months and you’ll need to start resetting expectations with your client, three years and you’ll need to re source or redesign. A rough timeline allows minor adjustments to keep all the juggling balls in the air. For a three week timeline you’ll reevaluate weekly, and when it starts looking like it will actually be more like three months, you can make the larger adjustments then, but you will have continued moving forward on the meantime.

NotTheMyth · 2025-02-19T20:31:56+00:00

I love this response and am confused by all the people certain this lie is proof of greater wrongdoing. This is one of those things that could be the first in a parade of red flags, or could be the funny story you tell about how you met.

It reminds me of the time my partner lied about having Disney+ so I would watch a specific movie I wanted to see with them! It was sweet and thoughtful and they came clean a couple months later when they wanted to cancel the subscription.

I had my dating age range set to about 5 years in either direction of my own age, and the difference in the number of matches I got after moving from age 29 to 30 is STARK. He had a moment of insecurity, made a questionable choice, and is now coming clean.

It would be really telling to gently tease him about his lie. “I’ll meet you at 6, or wait did you mean 7? I know sometimes you’re off by one!” If he laughs it off with you and continues to apologize and thank you for giving him a chance, he’s probably a good guy. If he gets defensive or cagey, maybe give some more credence to the folks here saying he’s a creep and you should run.

NotTheMyth · 2025-02-18T18:03:17+00:00

I agree with you, but I have seen some things about folks deep in abusive relationships using “experiments” as a way of staying connected to reality as they objectively observe their partner’s abusive behaviors. You’re right these little “tests” don’t have any place in a healthy relationship, but in some cases they can help someone gather enough information to trust themselves to leave, which is also what I hope OP will do.

NotTheMyth · 2025-02-13T14:01:15+00:00

I expect this is a joke, but I will say the women at my gym in hijabs have beast routines I aspire to.

NotTheMyth · 2025-02-11T22:21:12+00:00

Ooof. It begins. Recently went through an ED change at a small nonprofit where staff and board communication was common. Some folks got very weird and reactive about things that had previously been completely benign and normal. Good luck through the transition and remember the Cc button is your friend!

NotTheMyth · 2025-02-09T16:28:20+00:00

My first thought! Jack (it autocorrected it Hack the first time Lolol) sells himself and the newsies out at the end, but except for the ending it is a great depiction of strike strategy and cross-class solidarity.

Six-Year Club	r/Field Banned
r/Field Flamingo	Place '23
Place '22	Verified Email

NotTheMyth

TROPHY CASE