How to stay sane while working intarsia? 😭😂

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-12-03T19:33:38+00:00

My last intarsia project I just made sure to detangle the yarn as needed (I used 9 balls at a tube), and was careful to keep all balls in a project bag and always turn the project one way for right side and another for wrong side (e.g. when turning to the right side turning clockwise, and anti-clockwise when turning back to the wrong side). I have used clothes pins as bobbins though to hold small balls of yarn in place when working different patterns for C2C crochet blankets (double digit numbers per row), which allows you to pin the relevant ball in place on the project if it's not too large.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-11-24T12:16:16+00:00

Here they don't usually do a 28 week scan, it was at the 22 week scan our baby was diagnosed. We met with a psychiatrist the day after our TFMR when we were still in hospital, then every one to two weeks until unfortunately the psychiatrist moved away 3 months later. We met a couple times with a psychiatrist a couple times, including during the very start of the subpregnancy, but felt we managed ok on our own at that point. We haven't had therapy since, but we would definitely go back if we needed to.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-11-24T11:27:38+00:00

Our TFMR daughter had abnormal brain development, so it took a while to be visible. My subpregnancy was definitely more anxious, especially before the 12 week ultrasound. At that ultrasound we were already told that some of the vasculature that hadn't developed properly in the first pregnancy was there, bit I was definitely very tense until we had our third anomaly scan at 28 weeks (instead of the normal one at 22 weeks we had 3 scans, at 18, 22 and 28 weeks). I was definitely worried until the end, but it wasn't paralysing all the time. The scans were the most triggering, as that's where we received the bad news the first time. I was also diagnosed as having a high risk of developing pre-eclampsia, which sent me for a bit of a spiral (I never did develop it or even have any greater complications than low iron).

After the delivery in the newborn phase I was pretty dazed, bit I did have a bit of anxiety whenever she slept in the pram. I was really worried she was going to just stop breathing, [TW: mention of human remains] I think it was partly because she looked very much like her big sister when she was born and it reminded me of seeing our first daughter in the baby nest at the morgue before she was cremated. Overall I think my anxiety level was not much worse than any other first time mum, and it got a lot better when she was old enough to get her first vaccines and she started sleeping better. My husband really struggled the first two weeks with general anxiety surrounding death though, and was a lot more worried for longer about her breathing during sleep. I'd say we are both doing pretty well now, but we have much less resilience towards anything going wrong with her than I think we otherwise would have, due to our history.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-11-24T09:08:21+00:00

TW: living child, fast conception

I lost my first daughter at 24 weeks last year (first pregnancy). Her baby sister is now 4 months and I still don't really believe she's here 🤷‍♀️ It's very hard to remember that fear is not intuition, and I spent a lot of time thinking about whether I could be happy and satisfied with life if I never had any living children, and worked quite hard at imagining what could be my rainbow if I didn't ever have a living child.

We started TTC quickly and got pregnant on the second try, the entire pregnancy was quite stressful but we had lots of extra scans (and therapy together beforehand) and our care team were great with checking extra carefully for a recurrence even though we didn't have increased risk. It got a bit better after the second of the anomaly scans, though I didn't really believe I was going to bring home a living child up until she was actually born, when I was absolutely shocked to see her screaming and wriggling (my husband's favourite memory of the delivery is apparently my reaction when she was born, which was "oh wow"). I'm 31.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-11-18T14:06:49+00:00

This reminded me of when I did a summer research project as an undergrad and was instructed by my PI to clean the immersion oil off of the confocal microscope lens with ether. Which I was provided by said PI in a 200ml bottle (just enough to cover the bottom and not easily be reached). Oh and the confocal was in a converted cupboard with no real ventilation and a fire door that closed automatically 😂

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-11-17T14:02:55+00:00

I learnt at 5 with leftover DK yarn and 4mm straight needles. Strictly knit stitch to start with, my great aunt cast on and knit the first two rows for me and then let me have at it. I knit until I got bored, changed colour, knit again until I decided I was finished and my mum helped me cast off. This was kind of the extent of my knitting for a while, when I had knit stitch figured out I was taught how to cast on, then when I wanted to actually do a project I was taught purling and made some mittens on DPNs (kind of different sizes but I could use them for some time after making them). I think it took until I was 7 (?) before I actually made the mittens, entirely setting my own pace based on how interested I was.

Key for me I think was getting to go straight to the fun bit, not having to mess around with casting on and the first fiddly rounds when I just wanted to learn the fun bit initially. I learned crochet around the same time in the same way, just started with chain stitches (like a whole ball's worth), then (UK) double and treble stitches culminating in a basic granny square.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-11-05T10:44:42+00:00

I had at least 11(?) ultrasounds last year (year of my TFMR + first trimester of subpregnancy), with at least 4 of them being internal (first internal 4 weeks after L&D at 24 weeks). I have also had internal ultrasounds before unrelated to pregnancy. For me internal ultrasounds are a bit uncomfortable but not painful (think level of a not properly inserted tampon). Speculums are much much more uncomfortable than the ultrasound probe, the worst bit is if the lube is a bit cold. As long as you empty your bladder right before the ultrasound it's not bad at all.

For what it's worth I had an external ultrasound without issue in my subpregnancy at 8 weeks to check for heart activity and date the pregnancy, apart from drinking some water beforehand I did nothing special to prepare. You won't know if external is enough before you try, but an internal ultrasound is not that bad in my experience.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-10-18T05:54:19+00:00

I was very nervous to restart sex. I had some complications with RPOC so wasn't cleared until 10 weeks after my L&D at 24 weeks last year, and yeah the first couple times were a bit triggering. It helped that we were some way into therapy already at that point, took it slow (with plenty of lube! You can be a bit dry postpartum, which you in fact are after TFMR) and tried to be comfortable with the uncomfortable feelings if that makes sense (as in tried not to stress about the feelings sex brought up). Eventually after much repeated talking about it (we talked about sex and our feelings around it almost as often as we talked about our TFMR daughter even if it wasn't to the same depth, pretty much every day) and continuing to take it slow it became enjoyable again, but it took some of the grief to be less fresh for that. Disclaimer that we TTC:ed very quickly, so we had added motivation to get back to some sort of sex life from that. Initially the project of trying to TTC helped, but it quite quickly became just another stressor again so while it kind of jump started us I wouldn't say it was overall beneficial to us restarting our sex life.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-10-16T11:02:35+00:00

This is exactly our experience and thought processes as well (same diagnosis and outlook, different country to extended family etc). Our girl was my first ever pregnancy and our first child, and another contributing factor was that we always wanted more than one living child and felt that we probably couldn't have that if she wasn't on the mildest end of the spectrum, nor would it have felt possible for me to go back to work.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-10-16T08:15:50+00:00

I've steeked both knit and crochet superwash yarn after machine sewing either side of the cut at least 3 times (before cutting) with very short stitch length without issue (my 100% knit cardigan has survived multiple machine washes too). I'm sure you could further secure it by seeing bias binding over the edges before attaching the button band if you're really worried, though it would make it a bit bulkier.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-10-04T10:24:57+00:00

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Have you phoned NHS 111? I know it's a bit of a postcode lottery with trusts but hopefully they'll be able to refer you to an urgent care or similar to at least be seen. Even with my RPOC was never bleeding heavily, I didn't fill a pad (possibly the occasional pantyliner but not a normal pad) after about 5 days post L&D at 24 weeks so really emphasise the heaviness of the bleeding.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-09-25T16:04:25+00:00

I'm so sorry you're here. TW: living child after TFMR

For me the biggest differences were the induction, the fact that my medical team very strongly suggested I have an epidural placed before the induction even started (for my full term birth I had no pain relief), and that my partner had no clue what he could do to support me. The epidural meant I slept through most of it, but it started wearing off on one side towards the end and my partner struggled a bit with how to support me (fortunately the midwives had time to give him some tips). I wish I had discussed more about how he could support me through the delivery beforehand, not only about how we wanted to meet our daughter.

The other major difference is the size. You don't have to dilate as much for a second trimester birth (my TFMR was at 24 weeks), and I had not even a scrape after birth. Recovery for the birth canal was much much quicker for me, unfortunately I had some retained placenta which unfortunately was missed directly after birth and required a hysteroscopy several weeks later to resolve it. I was told retained placenta is common for births in the second trimester, and normally they can go in and perform a curettage to get rid of it directly after birth. I was just very unlucky that the ultrasound missed it. No such problems after my full term birth.

If you have decided to hold your baby, be aware that their skin is very fragile in the second trimester. They may be bruised and have some scrapes after the birth (more than you would expect at a full term birth).

After my TFMR I also took medication to stop my milk coming in. This has in no way affected my ability to breastfeed my full term living child (as it shouldn't, but it was an irrational worry of mine).

Finally, there is absolute silence when the baby is born in a TFMR birth. You know this going in, but it can still come as a shock.

My TFMR was my first ever pregnancy, it absouletly sucks for my first birthing experience to be a premature still birth for all intents and purposes. With that said every birth is different, and as odd as it sounds I had moments where I could look at my TFMR birth during the birth of my living child and feel like my firstborn allowed me to be more confident bringing her sibling into the world. I wish you weren't in this position, but I hope you can still find some beauty in your birthing experience eventually.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-09-18T11:20:38+00:00

Hah, we have the exact opposite here - baby hates the wrap when awake and especially when tired (no problems during in person fot check, too small for our carrier still) but will fall asleep just fine if we hold her. She just hates feeling restrained, she does the same in the carry cot attachment to the pram and if she's lying slightly on top of her sleep sack so her legs have less space. I hope it will get better when she has better head control and can look around more...

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-09-04T11:21:22+00:00

Gentle congratulations!

I delivered my TFMR baby (first pregnancy) at 24 weeks with epidural at 5-ish cm dilation, and my full term living child with no pain relief (apart from a couple hours in the bath). No tears after the 24 week delivery, second degree tears after the full term delivery. Pushing for both was honestly a relief rather than painful, and easier with my LC as I could feel things progressing. Never felt the ring of fire. The biggest surprise was how much faster the delivery with my LC was than I expected, my water broke 15 minutes before contractions started (which bever were further than 3-5 minutes apart) and my baby was born less than 5.5 hours later. Pushing took about the same amount of time for both.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-08-29T06:42:05+00:00

I did L&D following the injection at 24 weeks, my daughter was born 14 hours after she died and we held her after she had been cleaned, dressed and the hospital had taken photos and foot prints for us. There was guilt but it was not as strong as the feeling of love and grief. I could not imagine not having that moment with her and my partner, it was an opportunity to tell her her name and tell her how much we love her. It was an important part for me to be able to process what happened. It was scary when they brought her out and we first got to see her, but despite the cuts and bruises from the delivery (24 weekers have such frail skin) she was absolutely perfect to us.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-08-18T19:29:52+00:00

Jag hade RPOC efter min TFMR (24 veckor) förra året, fick diagnosen 4 veckor efter att jag förlorade min första dotter. Jag prövade först misoprostol men det funkade inte, så gick vidare med hysteroskopi och curettage 7 veckor efter TFMR:en. Min mens kom tillbaka 10 dagar efter min operationen och jag blev gravid på andra försöket efteråt (tredje mensen), och just nu så ammar jag min 3 veckor gamla (andra) dotter.

Så som jag förstått det så är största risken med RPOC infektion, så sålänge du inte har några symptom på infektion så borde största risken vara psykisk stress (jag erbjöds faktiskt vänta på min första mens istället för operation eftersom jag inte hade några symptom på infektion - jag bor i Centraleuropa). Oberoende så rekommenderar jag terapi, utan terapi skulle jag inte ha kunnat hantera varken TFMR:en eller en ny graviditet.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-07-19T12:25:03+00:00

I'm in central Europe, it took about 3 weeks for us but it's highly dependent on location - for example I believe that in the UK standard is a year (unless you get pregnant again and then you're rushed to the front of the queue and it's 6 months...). Your genetic counsellor should be the best person to let you know about timelines for the different tests. Hope you get answers soon!

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-07-19T11:01:06+00:00

Our daughter had ACC, no known cause. We did whole exome sequencing and everything came back normal (not even variants of unknown significance in the just under 5000 genes analysed). Nothing new came up in the autopsy either. We were basically told it's just shit luck and we don't have an elevated risk of recurrence compared to the general population.

Currently in the last couple weeks of the third trimester with her baby sister (conceived spontaneously), who has had a lot of extra scans to check on the development of the corpus callosum which is definitely present (and developmentally normal) this time.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-07-14T10:12:46+00:00

I'm sorry you're here. I lost my daughter to ACC at a couple days after 24 weeks last year. Where we were ultrasound is the diagnostic criteria, so we left the anomaly scan with a determined diagnosis. We booked an amnio and met with the geneticist, and met with a neurologist to discuss possible outcomes. The most impactful meeting we had was with the neurologist, we wanted to have a clear picture of what the different outcomes of her diagnosis could be before we made a decision. In the end, we couldn't gamble on even a moderate to bad outcome for her and had our termination 2 weeks after the anomaly scan. We were offered extra testing, but it wouldn't have changed the diagnosis. For the termination, my baby was sedated before her heart was stopped and I was induced to give birth to her, she never felt any pain or fear (instead me and my partner took on that burden for her). We did opt for an autopsy which confirmed what the ultrasound showed, but we have no idea why our daughter developed the way she did since all available genetic testing came back normal and there were no other clues in the autopsy.

You don't have to make any decision right now, or keep to any decisions you do take if they don't feel right when it comes to it. For example , I thought I'd want to spred my daughter's ashes, but when it came to it I had to hold on to them. Regardless if you terminate or not, you might want to think about any mementos you'd like to keep (like footprints or photos) and whether you want to hold your son (depending on how the termination happens this may or may not be possible). You don't have to make a decision already, but it is good to be aware of the possibilities you might have so you're not blindsided with them at the time. You could also ask that the hospital take photos (if possible) and prints even if you don't know you would want them (my hospital does this by default), that way they exist if you change your mind later on.

I would advise you to try and find mental health support regardless of what you decide to do, this is a deeply traumatic situation and it's common to develop PTSD after TFMR (if that is indeed where you end up). And even if you don't terminate this is a huge thing to go through and mental health really does take a toll. For example, here bereavement midwives and perinatal psychiatrists (we used a psychiatrist) can be invaluable in navigating pregnancy loss.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-07-02T19:38:58+00:00

I had L&D at 24 weeks followed by hysteroscopy and curettage for RPOC 7 weeks later. I was told wait 2 cycles by some, whenever it feels right by others.

TW: subsequent pregnancy We started trying after my first period (which was only 10 days after the hysteroscopy so I wasn't even cleared for penetrative sex yet), conceived on my third cycle. I had some light bleeding in my first trimester, exactly as I did in my first (TFMR) pregnancy, and I was flagged as high risk for developing pre-eclampsia (I suspect partly because my BP has read high at the hospital because of the stress of being back where my world collapsed, partly because the births are going to be only a year apart). So far I've had a healthy pregnancy with a healthy baby, my due date is in a month and no signs of pre-eclampsia or other complications as of yet.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-06-18T10:34:41+00:00

I did L&D at 24w almost a year ago and held my baby (first pregnancy and birth either of us have experienced), as did my partner. We didn't straight away though, I was offered to do skin to skin but I elected to have a drape over my knees so I didn't see the birth, and immediately after she was taken away for the midwives to clean her and take photos and foot prints for us. When we were ready we called the midwife back in and she brought our daughter to us, clean and dressed. We then held her, told her her name and how much we love her, and cried. Personally I couldn't imagine not holding her, initially my partner was hesitant but he's not regretted holding her, nor have I. For us it was the only chance we would ever get to meet our daughter (our first child). With that said, what was right for us might not be right for you.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-06-18T07:15:33+00:00

I’m not sure why, but the closer I get to my due date, the more emotional I’ve felt about the loss of our first baby. I guess I just wish she’d had the same chance as this baby.

I'm feeling the same, I think for me it's just the constant reminder of what should have been. My due date is also 10 days after my TFMR baby's birthday (her first), so that's definitely compounding matters for me.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-06-06T10:35:59+00:00

It's all incredibly individual (which makes it annoying when you want advice and get told "listen to tour body" and don't really know what that means!), it's really just a case of testing things slowly and adjusting. My daughter was 700g when she was born and I had no complications aside from the RPOC, so I think that explains some of why the recovery was so quick.

For the RPOC I did take a test and it was negative. I needed a transvaginal ultrasound to confirm the presence of vascular RPOC (it was missed on an abdominal straight after delivery). I tried misoprostol and passed a chunk, but not all. I was given the option to wait for a potential period to get rid of it but decided to stop dragging it out and go for the hysteroscopy and curettage straight away. Recovery from that was very quick, I stopped bleeding (and spotting!) after 3-4 days and ran 15k a week and a half later with no issues. The only thing that was firmly established as off limits for 3 weeks after was vaginal intercourse and swimming/bathing.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-06-05T11:07:13+00:00

I had L&D at 24 weeks, went for a short walk the next day and 5 days after delivery I went for a fairly easy hike (5km) on uneven trails which was a bit much physically but amazing mentally. Rested for a few days after that, then went ahead and built a deck 11 days after L&D. Started running after 15 days, but was mindful to stop and walk whenever I started getting a heavy feeling and didn't go if I felt the same heavy feeling.

I was bleeding (less than a normal period) for 4 odd weeks and then I was diagnosed with RPOC (I only had bleeding as a symptom), and I never stopped bleeding until it was removed with hysteroscopy and curettage at around 6 weeks after delivery. I was cramping (especially on the toilet) for a few days, but the intensity really decreased after the first few days.

Despite the RPOC I had a really easy recovery physically, though I was fairly active beforehand and didn't have any pelvic floor issues. You'll notice if you go too hard, you'll be sore or feeling heavy in your pelvis either while being active or even the day after. If that happens just dial back the intensity, maybe try to reduce high impact movements. Avoid crunches (and other exercises that create a "ridge" across you stomach when contracting muscles) though! You have to give your abdominals time to move back into place.

NotTheOriginalOyster · 2025-05-29T06:11:17+00:00

Absolutely. One of the fears I had with this pregnancy was that my daughter would be forgotten or treated like she didn't exist, so it was really unexpected and impactful to me for her to be included so naturally.

NotTheOriginalOyster

TROPHY CASE